Hiding debt from sig. other?
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Hiding debt from sig. other?
| Tue, 01-04-2005 - 5:02pm |
Just curious..I hid about $12000 of cc debt from my dh, told him after I borrowed the $$ from his parents to pay it off.....now we're back in mostly due to my school tuition...but I was curious how many of you hid the debt & how much?

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hi. I'm new here, but thought I'd jump right in...
my husband realizes we have debt, but if he ever knew how much he would have a stroke. I do not tell him. Hopefully, I can get it all paid off before he ever has to know! But I am lucky, because he is not a spender at all, so I can get away with it. I don't have to talk to him about not spending money.
I didn't purposely hide it, but I avoided facing the reality myself and DH wasn't interested in it - he has complete trust that I'll figure it out - so it would be more accurate to say that we both hid from it together. ;) It was a bit of a shock to him to realize that he has to participate in the solution, too, but after he got over the initial surprise, he got a part-time job on the weekends, started being much more careful about what he spends, and accepted previously horrifying notions like that we can't go on weekend getaways, we can't go out to dinner more than once a month, and the kids can't do every expensive activity that they want. . . and that these changes are permanent, because once the debt is paid off, we cannot go back to our former lifestyle. Those days are just over.
Kelly
I hid debt from my DH, and he finally found out in early December. I joined this board right after. We only have one CC, and at tax time, we had it paid down to somewhere around 3K (although I don't think he had a clue that we had 3K in debt at that time either). By December, we were up to 10K, and it was driving me batty. My weight shot over 300lbs, I wasn't sleeping well, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on medicine for that, and I was so down about life in general. When I finally had to tell him (he asked for all the bank statements and the credit card statement because he found a new Quicken program on his laptop from work), I was sobbing. I felt so horrible about what I'd hid from him. Amazingly, he didn't yell. In fact,he smiled and laughed and gave me a hug and told me that he didn't see why I was so upset and that we'd just do the bills together from now on, and nothing else was said. To this day, nothing has been said about what I had done. We just work together to make a budget, record any purchases in Quicken, and keep track of our cash purchases as well. I count my lucky stars over and over for being blessed with a husband who was as understanding as he was. He told me that this is "minor" in his eyes, and he's just glad I put up with him over the past 12 years.
Pat
My husband hid his debt of $40k in credit cards from me. Also the affair he was having, which he accrued that amount of debt from it.
Be honest with your SO. You mentioned you borrowed money from his parents to pay it off. What makes you think that they won't tell him. I think it would be best, if you come clean. You both can work together to pay it off.
MYM
We are like quite a few other couples here. My hubby knows we have debt,knows we have alot of it, but doesn't quite know how much. Its just something I have handled on my own. However... things are quickly chamging and he is taking a interest now that we are home shopping and paying down the debt. I never hid it from him, but he never asked.
kel
I have never hid debt from my dh no matter how ugly it was.
I agree with you. I didn't hide my debt from my EXH, either. That's not why we got divorced, but I will say this. During the last months of our marriage, he secretly opened a bank account w/o my knowledge, and I felt betrayed by this b/c it was totally UNNECESSARY. IMO, it is sneaky and hurtful to keep secrets in ANY relationship. Also IMO, it conveys the message that you don't trust your SO with the truth or to love you enough in spite of bad times. "For better, for worse, For richer, for poorer?"
slojuly
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