Priorities?! I need help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Priorities?! I need help!!
6
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 12:45am

All right, ladies. I am having a really hard time and I need some help!

Background: I am a single mom of 2 kids, ages 6 and almost-4. They are with me 4 days/week and with dad and stepmom 3 days/week. I have a college degree and worked for a while as a Caseworker for kids with mental illness. I made good money, but the job really got me stressed. Too stressed. To the point where I was getting sick, constant anxiety, etc. But I made good money, had full benefits, and flex time so I could work long days when the kids were with dad, and shorter days when they were with me. (They are with me Tues at 4:00 until Saturday at 4:00, so we each get weekend and weekday time. We live right down the street from each other, so it works out great for everyone) I left my job because I became so overwhelmed I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I was commuting pretty far, which contributed too.

So now I am a teacher's aide. I love it. The schedule is great, I get the same days off as my son, who just started kingergarten this year. My daughter goes to daycare while I am at work, my son takes the bus from his school to mine after school and does bus duty with me and then we go get my daughter. I like my job, I like the people I work with, I like the kids, the school. I like being a part of the school system.

BUT the pay sucks. Really sucks. As in, JUST over minimum wage. I can pay my bills each month, but with BARELY any money left over, let alone paying extra. (My only debt right now is my school loans which just came out of deferment this month) I used to be in debt up to my eyeballs and I come here every day, because I NEVER want to be there again. Also, with this job, I lose pay on snow days, Christmas break, a week in February for Feb. break and then another week in April for April break. Plus, once or twice a month they have early release and I only work 2 hours those days. Then, summer. I mean, I CAN do it, it's do-able. I may get a little behind in bills a couple times during the school year right after a break, but I catch up quickly.

So my question is: Do I stay??? I really like it there and when I think of leaving.. ugh. I don't want to leave. But here I am, with a 4-year degree and college debt and I am barely making above minimum wage! I feel like I am capable of doing better. But by "better", I mean something more prestigious, you know, with my own office and my name on the door. Not necessarily something that will make me happy. Plus it would mean finding before and after-school care for my kindergartener (he can't go to his old daycare, which is where my daughter goes, because he is 6 now and that is their cut-off ~ he had been there since he was 2 1/2!!) So it would mean 2 kids in 2 different places, plus working fulltime, plus being the only adult in our house to cook meals, grocery shop, pay bills, clean, etc. I don't know if I can do it. But it would also mean more $ to not only pay the bills, but to start paying extra. Did I mention I only have $25 in savings right now and NO benefits? The kids are on their dad's insurance, so that is taken care of, Thank God!!

What do you guys think? I just don't know what to do!

Oh, two more things: We are renting a small apartment right now and I would like to get us into a house in the next couple years or at least a 3-bedroom apt. My income right now would NOT qualify me for a house loan, but then again, is buying a house really all it's cracked up to be? The more I think about it, the more I think that renting is FINE for the next several years, where I only have one income and no plans of marrying ANY time soon! lol.

ALSO, I was thinking about going back to school. But I don't know what I really want to do, and I don't want to accrue more college loan debt, especially if I end up doing something that I find out doesn't suit me! How do people KNOW what they want to do? I know I am good at mental health work, but it's not something that calls out to me, you know?

I know happiness is worth SO much. There is nothing worse than dreading going to work every day. BUT at the same time, I am way underpaid.

I am hoping that a special ed. aide opening comes up soon, but the special ed. teacher doesn't think there will be an opening this year and maybe not in the fall either. That would give me more hours, more pay per hour, and is something I am interested in. Before you ask, yes, I HAVE thought about getting a special ed. degree, that is what I majored in when I started college before I switched to psychology. I'm not sure if I would want to be a special ed. teacher. I don't know WHAT I want to do longterm! Yikes!

Thank you for reading all this!

~Kiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:04am

It sounds like you are really happy with your job right now. I wouldn't change it. You really can't buy happiness, as you said. Besides, your children will grow up so fast, and you will be so glad you were able to spend all this time with them. What a sweet situation--to get to work full-time (sort of lol) and still be with your kids as much as possible. Really, I can't imagine you'd be happy with changing that.

If it's extra money you want for paying down debt/buying a house, how about a second part-time job? It sounds like you could work on Saturday night/Sunday without causing any trouble in your schedule, and you might enjoy something that gets you out talking to people and doing something different from your norm. I know it seems funny to go wait tables or work in retail when you have a college degree, but lots of people do it (I've done it TONS, including a stint in a bar at nights while dh worked during the day and then watched ds at night--I would start work at 6 and be there till three in the morning--tired all the time, degrading work--lots of butt groping and suggestive talk and leering, ugh--but it was good money and got us where we needed to be financially so I could leave the job--actually, they fired me about two months before I had planned to quit--I apparently didn't fit in with their "image" lol--but it was enough anyway).

Maybe you could get a job in a store you like to shop in, and take advantage of the discount too? Or someplace that you would find fun. I've always thought an aquarium store would be fun, or a baby store where I could meet all the new mommies-to-be.

Or, if you're making ends meet fine with your current job, you could consider starting a small home-based business. Not quick money, but you might be able to build something that would be fun, easy to maintain, and that you could do from home even while your children were home. It might even turn into something you wanted to do full-time eventually, and take advantage of your education LOL.

Just a few thoughts. I wouldn't bother, personally, with more schooling until I had an idea what I wanted to do. It's expensive and essentially useless if you end up not using it (take it from someone who racked up $13k going to graduate school for a degree she never finished and who hasn't touched a line of ancient Greek since--I thought I wanted to be a classicist! LOL).

Anyway, hope some of that helps. Take care and be happy,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:34am

Heather ~ Thank you for your response and you are absolutely right. Money cannot buy happiness, and it's been a LONG time since I was really happy, especially with a job.

It's the time off that gets me. That is when things get really tight. BUT I have to remember that if I was working during vacations, I would have to deal with the stress of adding on a second daycare and all that. Plus, I have issues with anxiety/depression so the time off is good for me mentally if not financially. :) Although come summer, I will have to do something else!

I liked your suggestion of adding on a part-time job. I actually have applied to a place I used to work. But instead of case management, which is what I did before, I would be doing in-home support for adults with mental illness/MR. It is something I did when I first got into the mental health field (except I worked with kids, but they closed the kids program) and it was all right. Not something I loved, but I was good with them and I could tell they enjoyed having me there to help them out. And the starting pay for me would be $12/hour. And because it's in-home care (no bathing or toileting, though!), the hours are there as far as working when the kids are with dad. Even 8 hours a week would bring in almost $100 before taxes. Then during breaks and summers I would have even more hours available as they are with dad Sat at 4:00 through Tues at 4:00. I wouldn't have to do daycare this summer AND I'd be bringing in more than I am right now! I think that might just be a good solution. :)

I also wanted to mention that my son's kindergarten teacher is a waitress by night at a local diner. She's 24 and is drop-dead gorgeous so I'm sure she makes lots of tips!

I have also thought about doing something at home. One thing that I love doing every summer is making jam. I bring the kids berry-picking and I make a couple dozen jars to give to people at Christmas. I have gotten nothing but rave reviews for several years now about my jam and have often thought about making up more of it and trying to sell it at craft fairs. I get so overwhelmed though thinking about the price of everything to make it and then the price to rent the space at the fair vs. what I would make in profit, etc. that I just give up on the idea and never do it. I live in Maine and there are TONS of craft fairs, but I am just afraid, I guess. Maybe if someone did it *with* me, it wouldn't be so bad. :) Would you buy homemade strawberry jam, hand-picked and hand-made in my kitchen? I love making it, but I don't buy other people's jams, because I don't know anything about them, their cleanliness, etc. Yet I will buy jam made in a factory! I am weird like that. :)

Well anyway, thanks again for the response. I know that ultimately, it is my choice, but having someone else reiterate what I already know (stay with what you like!) makes me feel better about it all. I will stay where I am and feel thankful that I have a job that I really like. :)

~ Kiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:44am

Being happy in your profession is a huge plus in overall quality of life, but since you have a degree and you are working in the school system it seems a good choice to pursue the necessary education to be a teacher. My DIL has a psychology degree and works as a caseworker for mental illness patients. She is taking a special course on Saturdays and online for the next year to get her teaching certificate. She's already put in her application at many school districts because many times they will go ahead and hire you if you are working on your certificate.

Sounds like your need more money and benefits. What you do now will affect your future and it's hard to make up for lost time.

Julie

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 2:49pm

Just my two cents.

You mentioned you have a psychology degree. Have you thought about being a guidance counselor in a school district? Or somethng in that avenue?

MYM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 3:40pm
I think you are on the right track, since you have found a job that you love with decent hours. I would keep looking for a special ed aide position in neighboring districts, or look to respite providers to supplement your income. I was paying a high school senior $8/hr to look after my two daughters (one of whom is has an ASD, but is really not challenging to care for) her entry-level in-home therapists make at least that, more if they are experienced and have thr right attitude. Jobs like those are very flexible, and i bet if you called your local county, they could put you on a list for parents to contact. It is great that you are doing something you love, it would be a shame to give up on it now only to see an even more ideal position come open for the fall. (I know my daughter's 1:1 aide in our prior sd made quite a bit more than that) Money isn't everything, but being in the right place at the right time can reap rewards. I would find a way to make more money without quitting, because it could pay off in a big way if soemthing opens up. Good luck, Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 3:59pm

Thanks for the replies!

mymartes ~ yes, I actually have thought about becoming a guidance counselor. BUT I can't do it with just a psych. degree, you also need a teaching certificate. (At least in Maine, anyway) Which means more school. Which is ok, but I want to make sure if I go back to school, that I go back for the profession I can really see myself doing longterm. But yes, I have looked into it.

Heather ~ thank you for the suggestions. I think you may have skipped over my second post in this thread where I mention doing in-home support. I did that when I first entered the mental health field and it is something I think I may do again part-time on the side. Where I used to work will start me at $12/hour if I go back. As far as special ed. aides, yes, I would make more an hour and have more hours, but it's still not a whole lot. I think the special ed. techs in my school make about $8-$9/hour, which is a LOT less than neighboring districts, because I live in a college town with a college that churns out teachers left and right and they are willing to work cheaply for experience. But I love my school and I want to stay there, so I am hoping a special ed. aide position opens up and I will definitely snatch it up!

My son has an ASD as well. Mostly sensory stuff, and some motor delays. Pretty mild and NOT AT ALL challenging to care for, though he used to be when he was younger!

Thanks again for the replies ladies! I feel so much better!

~ Kiya