What do ya'll think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What do ya'll think?
15
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 2:42pm

Dh's bonus check came through, and it's fairly generous. Also, he has a raise coming through Feb 15. All wonderful things. My question has to do with how to allocate it, while taking dh's feelings into consideration.

Here's the thing. He has always chafed at the small amount of spending money he is allowed out of the budget, though he's been reasonably understanding about it too. But he was hoping for a large chunk of money out of the bonus and raise. I was originally thinking we would each take maybe $50 apiece out of the bonus, and then each get maybe $30 of spending money each month after his raise comes through (we currently each get only $10 a month, of which dh already spends $6 a month on xbox live). But dh seemed disappointed and unhappy with that, and so I asked him what he thought would be nice.

He said that he would like to have $300 EACH out of the bonus (which is more than 10% of the net) plus $50 each month from his raise.

I think we are probably going to do just that, but I wanted to run it by you all first. Here is what it would mean. It would mean that the bonus check would bring our contingency fund up to the $1000 we want in it until our debts are paid, pay us our allowances, 10% to charity (we always do this and it is absolutely non-negotiable--we are in agreement on that) and then have a little under $1000 to divide between saving for the trip to Colorado we have promised my parents we will make to see them and the beach vacation dh wants. No extra debt payment.

On his raise, it would mean an additional $100 toward debt each month, plus extra charity (we do not currently give a full 10% of our net income, but we are working toward that number, so each time he gets a raise, we allocate *more* than 10% of the raise toward charity), plus our allowances, and only another $50 to allocate among things like saving for our 10th anniversary (we want to buy new wedding rings--long story), improvements on the house, etc. And of course, dh has lots of ideas about all the things we're going to do with all the extra money (his raise is quite substantial, because he has been severely underpaid and they are working him up to where he should have been to begin with).

Anyway, it's funny because to me, personal allowances feel like "wasted" money, because they just sort of trickle away, without any appreciable difference in our lifestyle or net worth, and without any real building toward our big goals. But to him, the personal money is where it's at, it's what makes him feel good about working all day. It makes him feel like he's got something to show for all those hours. He wants to be able to go out with the guys once in a while and not have to say no because he doesn't have the money for it.

If we allocate the money like that, out of my allowance I will put $250 in savings out of the bonus, and $40 each month in savings. The only thing I will begin spending on that I do not currently spend on, is a proper haircut (currently I have friends do it) and to dye my hair (at home). That's where the $50 out of the $300 will go, plus I estimate $10 or so a month, on average, to maintain the cut and color (I'll color at home). Some of the savings I will eventually spend on plants and gardening necessities for turning our yard into our personal produce market :). But most of it, to be honest, I'm not sure what I would do with--I just don't really have any real "wants" beyond the big goal of having our little country homestead. So it will go in savings and some day I'll have a big chunk of change for something--maybe a potting shed for our homestead. LOL

Also, I have an additional "unbudgeted" income from my freelance work, which previously we were using for "extras" like buying the new stove, little bits of allowance, some extra debt payment, etc. Now, however, I am rolling that into my new business I've talked about elsewhere, so that source of spending money is drying up, for now (hopefully, once my business gets off the ground, it will quickly become a big source of income for us). So I am getting one big thing out of all this--my business, which is something I really want to be doing. And to dh's way of thinking, he is losing that bit of spending money. So I feel like he should be compensated out of the raise.

Anyway, I'm just wondering what you wise folks think of all this. Is it a good idea to allocate the spending money the way dh wants? He is open to compromise on this, but a part of me is hoping that if we do it this way, he will finally be happier again. He has been really nice about our tight budget for years, as we've worked our way out of the hole, but I know it chafes him. He loves to spend money! LOL

Another part of me is afraid that if he has all this money coming to him, he'll begin spending outrageously. He has a habit of always spending just a touch more than he actually has, which I usually cover him for (I know, I know, I shouldn't cover for him on it...). If he has $50 a month to spend freely, will he begin spending $65 a month without realizing it, and then end up having to have me bail him out?

Sorry for the book here, but I wanted to put all the details out there in hopes of getting your insight on the matter. Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

Blessings,

Heather

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 12:35pm
This is how dh and I look at it. We got us into our debt, we obviously have to sacrifice some to get out. We also have to save for our future. But what good is working to bring home money and always paying bills and saving for the future, if you can't at least enjoy some of the money from your hard work today? You can't take money with you when you die, you only have today to REASONABLY enjoy it. My dh gets a certain amount of spending money every month and if he spends it, oh well, he's out of luck. I don't bail him out. If you can afford the $50/month, then let him have it. You both have a right to enjoy that money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 2:31pm

Congrats on the raise and bonus! I think it is up to you and dh to do what's truly best. But sure I think he should be able to have the $300 for himself. I think it's important for us to not be stingy all the time to our guys, they work really hard for us too. Like you said, you don't have to spend yours if you don't want. You could snowflake it (that's what I'd do), save it, or put it towards your business (I think that's great btw- best of luck to you- I would love to "be my own boss!")

I understand what you said about your dh being owed that money for working so long and hard. My dh's company owed him and others a raise for almost 2 years until he finally got it. (And there was only a handful that ended up getting it-we lucked out, but many are furious) They also used to get bonuses a few times a year IF the company made enough profit. Now it's once a month. (around $150) We agreed that he can keep that money- he's saving for a new gun. The raise just got sucked into the budget and goes toward snowflaking or bills.

You lucked out with the monthly allowance. My dh gets $70-$80 a pay (biwkly) for his allowance! He whines because the other guys at work get $100! He uses the money for gas, cigarettes, pizza or MCD's for the kids if I'm on long shifts, or whatever he wants. I don't take any for myself. If I know I need to get something (milk, diapers) I'll save it from my tips. Do you have a seperate gas fund? I know $10/mo wouldn't cut it with today's prices!!

Good Luck! ~Nicki

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 3:24pm

Thanks! I think we are both going to be a lot happier--him, because he's getting a decent allowance, and me, because I have so much support from you marvelous folks!!

Thanks for the encouragement and reminder.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 4:37pm

Yes, we have separate gas allowance. There's no way $10 a month would cut it otherwise! LOL He has no expenses that he is responsible for out of his allowance--it is purely fun money. He brown bags every day, except that the company takes him out to lunch once a week or so (lucky him!).

I like this:

"I think it's important for us to not be stingy all the time to our guys, they work really hard for us too."

You're so right, and I need to lighten up on him a bit. He's been so good about everything, and he deserves this.

I think I'll put my allowance in savings, and keep it for buying plants and other things for the yard, which is my passion.

Thanks for reminding me it's okay to let go and live a little. :)

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:21pm
I think we all need a reminder once in awhile that we can enjoy our money guilt free. Its hard when you need to save for retirement, have debt to pay off, have things you want to save for, like a house. Have fun with your bigger allowance!!

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