Is this just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Is this just me?
12
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 11:37pm

I'm having a bit of a situation, and wondering if anyone else feels the same. Since my debt has become such a problem, and since I have started a second job and trying all I can to pay things off, those around me who actually have money have become very annoying to me. I'm not talking rich people, just those who really don't have to worry about how to cover the bills, or those who have the extra to do something, go somewhere, buy something, without it being a major issue. Case in point: My boyfriend makes more money than I do, has no kids, is buying his own home, his car is paid off, and pretty much whatever he wants, he buys. He doesn't really flaunt it or anything, but he can go shopping, or get on ebay, and drop $200 without even thinking about it..... on stupid stuff even. We don't live together or anything, so his bills don't have anything to do with mine, or mine with his. I don't know why it's bugging me, or why it just started recently (we've been together 4 years), but it just does. I know it is his business if he buys things that are silly ($150 for a bowling ball just the other day.... and he doesn't bowl... it looked neat, he said). I just wish I didn't feel that way. Has anyone else ever had this feeling?

gomom99
Oh, and Becky, did you get my snowflaking info?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 6:52am

I so know how you feel. One situation for me, I have a very close freind we became pregnant very close. Now I went on bedrest at 4 1/2 months. Long story short my daughter (who is 8 months) is a little miracle. We were given about no chance of having her at a point where she would be able to survive. I had pre term labor for the rest of the entire pregnancy after almost losing her at 20 weeks to IC. If anyone wants to hear the whole story I have it written out on our personal web page. It was crazy. Well we did what we could for almost 5 months to try to pay the bills, we are still trying to dig out of that. The freind who was pregnant with me with a very well off spouse would talk about spending $2000 on baby stuff to decorate the room then when I mentioned our debt issues she would say things like "oh I know we have had to scrape this month to get things for the baby" Frustrating LOL. But they have 3 vehicles and all thier bills are paid. And they had to "scrape together $2000" please! Now I'm an easy going person and it runs off my back pretty easy. I know this is the first time she has had any money and probably dosn't think about what shes saying. But I soooo understand the frustration. Having debt seems to make me more sensitive to others good fortune. And i hope when I get things turned around for myself I will remember all of this.

~Tris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 8:09am
Your feelings are perfectly natural. But your irritation might be in vain. Most people who buy whatever they want, whenever they want without thinking usually can't afford it. They just use a credit card and don't think about it. We used to be that way, and that's how we ended up in debt. Many people I know are still there, buying everything they want on credit, buying houses they can't afford, etc.
I don't think there is a magic cure for financial jealousy. But my motto is "small things matter." It was the accumulation of a lot of small things that racked up to 40,000 in credit card debt. And it was a LOT of small payments and small sacrafices that allowed us to pay it all off in 4 years. (we still have an HELOC to pay). Looking at the big picture is way too overwhelming and I noticed that when I felt as if I wasn't accomplishing anything, that is when i was most resentful of what others had.
I also learned that if you tell yourself things in a positive way, sacrifices don't seem so bad. When we canceled the cable, my DH & I came up with a list of things that were good about it. Spend more time together, spend time on our interests, its probably contributed to our wieght gain, read more, etc. Then if someone says how could you not have cable, youy have a list of positive answeres to give them. And after we kicked our TV addiction, we didn't miss it.
I highly recommend books by Suze Orman, she has quite a few and they all deal with the emotional issues of money as well as give pretty decent financial advise. You can usually find them at the library.
Good luck.
Sandra
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:41am

I know what you mean. I work a low-paying job that barely pays my bills each month and I work with a woman who is working there just for supplemental income because her husband makes really good money.

Well, we were talking about bills, etc. just yesterday and she was talking about what a tight month they were having. It made me feel sad, because I know that for Christmas, they bought their kids each a TV and a Playstation for their bedrooms along with games, etc. and their kids all have expensive name-brand clothing. I spent 1/4 of what they did on Christmas, and this job isn't for "supplemental" income, it IS my income. She does not do it to flaunt money or to make me feel bad, so I don't get upset, but at the same time, I know that if I tell her I am having a tight month, she won't understand, because our definitions of "tight" is VERY different. Mine is not being able to pay bills or put gas in my car, hers is not being able to buy her daughter the $80 sneakers she wants until next pay period.

But as to what the previous poster said about people who seem to have everything but are really in debt, that's not always the case. The woman I work with is not in debt, besides a car payment and a mortgage. I have a lot of friends who make good money and invest, etc. and have whatever they want and do not have a lot of debt. So that's not always true. But you know what? We are ALL taking great steps to get out and stay out of debt and that will reap rewards for us someday, even if it takes a long time and we will be so glad we had the strength to do it! And you know, I don't even want "everything". I don't care about name-brand clothing or expensive electronics. I just want to be able to pay my bills each month without stretching or stressing or not having any money and I would like to be able to bring my kids to fun places in the summer, etc. That's all I want. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:59am

No it's "not just you", LOL.

Our neighbors every week buy something new (BIG stuff as well as LOTS of little things) and we're stuck seeing their bags and boxes that containded the stuff before trash is picked up, ROTFL :)

Talk about trying to keep up with the Jones :)

DH and I have discussed HOW they could possibly afford all this stuff week after week, they're a young couple just like us, and not really knowing their financial situation they don't look like they're "loaded" after all they live next to us and we're not on the most "expensive street" in our subdivision :). So we came up with 2 theories...

1. They've come into an inheritance, lol and are being foolish spending it as fast as they have :)

2. They're putting everything on credit, again this is foolish

DH and I could TRY to keep up with them, but why? Anyway when I see their bags on the curb I just like to repeat what my pastor says, "we are rich maybe not in earthly blessing but have plenty stored up there", lol - it gets me through trash day anyway :)

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:01am

I did get your snowflaking info.


It doesn't really bother me for other people to do whatever they want with their money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:25am

It doesn't really bother me. What does is people who complain about how they can't afford this or that, but you look at what they have and they have the big SUVs, the big house, the large screen TVs, etc.

Case in point: A few Christmases ago, my SIL was complaining about how they couldn't afford to get my nephew new glasses. But, less than two minutes later she was saying how they had spent over $1000 per child (they have two) for Christmas. They also have (had) a boat they had to pay slip fees on because it wasn't the type you could pull on a trailer. And, the list just went on and on. I got really sick of hearing how bad off finacially she and my brother were. DH and I still laugh about that today. Maybe if you sold your boat, and cut back on Christmas buying your kid glasses wouldn't be a finaicial strain.

Kellie

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:48am
There was a time when I used to be bothered by stuff like this.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:36am

Re: the people who bought each kid a TV and playstation for their bedrooms...

This struck me as beyond sad! Could there be any stronger message that spending time together as a family isn't important to the parents? I mean, think about this picture--each kid alone in a different room playing or watching TV by themselves. Please let's try not to be envious of this kind of thing! More stuff doesn't make a closer family.




Edited 1/21/2005 11:41 am ET ET by wrs707
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 12:43pm
I agree I have lost a few friends due to I wasn't "wealthy" enough to do all the things they did or keep up with the Jones so to speak. Heck, I couldn't even take my kids to Dunkin Donuts everyday but then again I didn't want to...but I found new friends that are more aware and understandable if not in the same situation themselves...
Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: gomom99
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 12:49pm

No it's not just you.


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