I'm so upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm so upset
10
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 3:53pm

I just wish I was dead. I hate this. I will never catch up. I had to "borrow" money from my parents again - $225. I don't know what to do.

I am about $18,800 in debt - all credit cards. I have 5 cards, plus one department store card, to pay off. I simply cannot afford to make the payments that my cards want - between $55 to $155 a month each for 5 different cards, and they always want more, because I'm always playing catch up.

I rang up some of the debt when I was married. It all started when I was planning my wedding 6 years ago. I went overboard on some things, party favors, etc., and I charged about $1000. Then I continued to buy stuff for our house, buy clothes, I used my card on trips, and I thought it would be okay because we owned a house and we could always refinance the debt onto our home equity loan.

However it was HIS house before we even met, so when I left him two and a half years into it (I was only 23 at the time), I knew that he would get the house. After moving out, I rang up a TON of debt, mainly because I had a lot more bills to pay (I had to pay rent) and I was paying for a lot of entertainment. I even had a drug problem for awhile. I was unemployed for 8 months, however I collected unemployment for 6 months of that. But the job I got pays about $8000 less a year than my old job. I've been back to work now for 9 months, and I still can't catch up.

Sometimes I have to put off paying certain credit cards for months, so when I have to pay them, I am paying nothing off the balance. I always get late fees.

I tried a non-profit debt management company, but it took almost a year for all my cards to sign up to it, and during that time I incurred late fees and over the limit fees, so I was never payiing off any balance. I don't think I have been paying off my balances for a year now. Each payment is just to catch up.

I take out payday loans between pay checks. I borrow money from my parents all the time. I'm 26 years old. I feel like such a loser! I also feel so guilty that I am borrowing money from my parents because one of the reasons I went into debt was to buy drugs, and they don't know that of course.

Will I ever be able to pay this off, or is it time for bankruptcy? I just don't think I can handle a parttime job in addition to my day job, which is not just a job, it is a career.

I just really need to get this out. Has anyone else been in this situation and turned things around? What should I do?

Is there a cheap way to file for bankruptcy?

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 5:59pm

I know you said you were looking for a 2nd job in your first posting here, I'm assuming from this post that you are not going to be able to do that now.


I don't know enough about bankruptcy to know if it is your best route.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:26pm
Lisa, I will tell you one thing, stop the Pay Day loans. Dealing with them is like dealing with the devil. If you just chill and hold on, waiting one month or two is not going to kill you. Get caught up on getting your paycheck when its due. You are not a loser. Please don't feel this way. I WISH I had your debt. You cannot change the past. If I were you, I would not file for bankrupcy for what you are in debt for. If you own a home, you can most certainly absorb 15k in debt. What I would do is to write down all that you owe, look at your budget and send them what you can. Once you file for bankrupcy, that's your one chance to get away clean. What happens when you are older and you are way young, you end up being 50k in a hole. Then you are stuck. I'm telling you and I know right now its so hard, but 20 is not worth it. Chip at your budget and do the best you can to send what you can. It will get better, trust me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:47pm

Thanks for the advice.

I don't own a house. My exhusband owns a house. Technically I owned it when we were married, but it was his house before I even met him, so of course he got to keep it. So, I can't absorb $20K in debt using a house. I currently rent an apartment with my BF.

I still might try to get a parttime job, but I stay late at work all the time. I am also not really up to it mentally. It seems I am already under the maximum load of stress I can handle (of course the debt has a lot to do with that).

As far as pay day loans, well, they are better than bouncing checks.

I don't know. I just spend too much. I should be able to make it, but I can't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:06am

Hugs to you. I totally know what it feels like to be where you are. Six months ago I was almost 90K in debt (I'm only 23). Most of was is student loans and medical bills, but a 7500$ chunk was very high interest CC debt. I could barely pay the minimums. My student loans were over 400$ a month, and my medical bills were about 500$ a month. Not to mention rent and other stuff.

I also was consedering bankruptcy, but decided I didn't really have a case for it. It was possible to get out. I'm not there yet, but I'm doing ok. I do have a second job, aside from my "career." Right now I work seven days a week. It stinks, but I know I won't have to do it forever. I was really stressed out bc of debt too, but things got better once everything was under control.

I was lucky and won a settelment to get rid of the medical bills (after 2 years of paying them.) I refinanced my student loans so my payments are much lower, and now I can afford way more than the minimum on my CC's.

I also found a way to curb my spending, and created an actual budget. I get tips from my part time job. What I make in a weekend in tips is my money for gas and food for the next week.

You're in the right place. This board hepled me so much. Good luck...

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:30am

Hi Lisa - I just wanted to add to the general "Hang in there" advice that folks are sharing with you!

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 11:22am
Hi Lisa..I was wondering if maybe you could move in with your parents for a while. I know you said you rent with your boyfriend but if it is an option, maybe you could live with your parents for a year or so and wait until your are comfortable enough to move out again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:48pm

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice and support. It is good to know that other people have been in the same situation and have gotten out, and that some people are even worse off than me.

I could move back in with my parents, but they live an hour away from the city I work in, and we have snowy winters, so the commuting is horrible. I did stay there for awhile and I hated it - felt like I was in prison or something, because they are so far from my life and friends that I am used to.

I think the only option for me is to get a parttime job. However, I work late at my day job a lot, but hey, they don't pay me anymore to do that, and I am fed up with it. My job should give me a raise and promotion (I totally deserve it) but they aren't, and it is just so frustrating. It just makes my debt seem so much worse, because all my the money I make goes to bills, so basically I make no money for myself, and I feel like a slave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:28pm

>> It just makes my debt seem so much worse, because all my the money I make goes to bills, so basically I make no money for myself, and I feel like a slave.<<

....wow that sounds really familiar....

I end up staying pretty late at my full time job too...and my 90 minute one way commute makes it even worse...My second job is a weekend job. I rarely go from my full time job, to my second job, except under weird circumstances. I don't really mind working two jobs that much. My weekend job is fun and pays decent money. It's very different than my full time job, so I don't feel like I never get a break.

If you try to get a second job that's fun, or at least something you like doing it shouldn't be that bad. Even if it's only for a few months, in order to catch up and get current with your bills. It think that's pretty good alternative to bankruptcy.

Do you try to track your spending??? I never used to but it really does help. I had no clue I was wasting so much money on stupid stuff I didn't need.

I wish you the best....
Sarah

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:33pm

Lisa,
Sending you a big cyber hug.

Is it possible that you could transfer your credit card balances into fewer credit cards. Making payments will be easier?

Sorry this is not much help. Just a thought.

MYM

Avatar for nicholasaleksandr
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 7:26pm

Hang in there, dont ever wish you were dead. You have a lot going for you, like your age, you are still young and learning this lesson while you are young. 2. sounds like you got yourself out of a marriage that wasnt working, most people dont have the guts to do it. 3. hopefully you are off the drugs (sounds like it) if not forget about the debt and take care of that first. Things will get better!

Mary Anne