emotional spending

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
emotional spending
5
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:08am

Most of my impulse spending is related to my emotions. I spend the most when I am not happy. When I am happy or content, I don't feel the need to get things. Stress, sadness, anger . . . all make me "need." I feel better for at least a little while after a purchase.
I guess compulsive spending is better than compulsive eating. But is there a less destructive way to deal with these emotions. We are finally out of credit card debt, but ?still have car loan, HELOC, and regular mortgage. And it seems that everytime we get close to paying things off, something happens. Last time, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I desperately wanted a new car. for really no reason other than I wanted it. Luckily, I was able to avoid that trap. But I did a lot of research.
I have built more "free" money into my freedom account. So when I feel the overwhelming "need" to have something or do something for myself (or family), I have some guilt free money and hopefully can make wise decisions. My thinking is that if I have a little treat money set aside, I won't have a meltdown because I am feeling deprived. Is this logical?
How you deal with emotional spending? It is probably my greatest downfall. I don't care about keeping up appearances with other people. I am happy with my home and have never been high maintenance with clothes, make-up etc. But God help me when things get rough.
Thanks for suggestions, or even just discussions.
Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:00am

Sounds like you've got a great strategy. A lot of us hear deliberately build fun money into our budgets to deal with the spending bug. I think it's quite effective.

From your description, I think you're doing really well, and well on the road to debt-free financial freedom. Keep plugging, and come back here for support and encouragement when you're down.

To answer your question, though, one way I deal with the urge to buy is I build shopping into not only my budget, but my lifestyle. For instance, in the summer I get up every Saturday morning and go yard saling. It's cheap, and I have fun and get out the urge to buy. I find I have less desire for other types of shopping when I've had my yard sale fix. Plus, I get so used to yard sale prices that a $5 handbag seems absorbentantly expensive to me LOL. Winter is harder because there aren't so many yard sales, and just today in fact I've been talking myself out of going shopping all day. I really want to shop. If I had been yard saling recently I probably wouldn't be having these feelings.

Anyway, thanks for joining us.

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 2:17pm

Hi Sandra,

yes, it does sound like you found a good idea to cope with those 'I am feeling bad, and am I not entitled to do something for myself once in a while'-spendings (that's what I named them). Does it work, do you already know?

I had a huge problem with those spendings. For me it was important to be honest to myself and admit that I do spend money every time I feel not loved enough, not good enough, or just underachieving (my big problems...). For me the 'treat'-money thing didn't work, but mostly, I figure, because I was already so far into spending as a surrogate for feeling loved that it couldn't help me anymore. I knew I was hurting myself, and strangely enough, I felt this to be the right 'punishment' for not being good enough, not worthy enough to be loved. Nice vicious circle, that one... What helped was setting aside the money for a few hours with a good therapist :-)

Since then I hand over all my plastic money to my best friend whenever I know I am about to do something exceptionally stupid like spending a hundred dollars worth on books. I know the urge to treat myself with something nice will go away; sometimes it takes a day or two, but it does go away, eventually. Talking about what makes me feel bad right that moment help tremendously, as does spending an hour on the phone with my sister - a lot cheaper than any other immediate relief strategy I know *g*

Since you don't sound like you were nearly as badly as I used to be into that habit, I can only encourage you to try the 'free money' idea.

Greetings, Jordis

ivy_jordis

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 5:25pm

This will probably sound funny, but when I get the urge to really shop, I make myself a snack and sit in front of the TV flipping between QVC and HSN (Home Shopping Network). I never buy anything from them. But I just love to watch, check out all the merchandise and see what is "new and hot", and listen to people call in to happily tell about their purchase. To me, it's like window-shopping and I never have to get out of my PJs...or spend my own money. LOL! :-D

Also, sometimes, it can be just downright humorous when a kitchen item they have really hyped up doesn't work correctly or a vacuum that they say will "pick up anything" doesn't pick up what it was supposed to, or you see a costume jewelry item that could probably sell for $5.00, and they've got a $75.00 price tag on it. I just have to laugh at those things.

Pat :-D

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 1:00pm

Do you watch TV or read magazines?

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 1:52pm
Sandra,
I SO know where you are coming from, as this has been one of my downfalls, too. Sometimes things seem so bad that committing financial suicide doesn't bother me all that much. It is minor compared to the other things going on. It is not even like buying the stuff even makes me feel better..I just get in these indifferent moods. I lost my mom to cancer less than a year ago. Those two years between her diagnosis and her passing, well, I coped anyway I could. I bought a new car a month before she died...I probably would have been able to keep our old one another year, but at the time, there were so many things that kept going wrong with it that it was pushing me over the edge. I got pulled over twice in two weeks for faulty taillights after I spent $150 to have them fixed! It was one thing I could not cope with, but I can't say I wouldn't have ended up buying a car in the summer anyhow. Financially, I am cleaning up my act now, but at the time,everything suffered. My marriage, my health, my finances. I think I have learned from that time in my life. My husband and I have actually made a plan that is workable for us. We are making about $15,000 more a year now than we were a year ago. We are going on vacation next month, and will pay cash for everything, something we haven't done ever in the eight years we have been married. We have chosen to drive, instead of fly, even though it is a 1200 mile trip and we will be travelling with our kids. We will buy a DVD player for the car, and make frequent stops.
I guess I don't have any real advice for you. I have changed my ways a little bit. Instead of emotional spending, I do emotional cooking. (not to be confused with emotional eating!) I normally shop the clearance racks hard this time of year, but in January, all I bought was a $7 sweater. I have been looking at my daughter's shoes...she NEEDS new ones, but I don't feel like shopping for them, so she might go another couple of weeks. (She doesn't care..she is only 5 and they still fit her!) I did splurge and let my girls sign up for gymnastics at the Y...but I love watching them!!!
So anyway, I think you have a good plan. Putting money aside is a great idea, because we are all vulnerable sometimes. But overall, changing how you spend your money in general will more than make up for a splurge here or there. (well, depending on the splurge!!!)
Heather