How do I control dh spending??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
How do I control dh spending??
3
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:37pm

I'm at my wits end. I keep a list on the fridge for groceries, etc. I go shopping on Weds mornings. But he keeps on coming up with reasons to go to the store. Two weeks ago he took the check book so he could get gas. He decided to stop at Wal-mart b/c we were low on softner salt (should cost about $5), he spent $90. Last week he had to go to the pharmacy to get a script filled. He decided we needed milk and spent $85. He's spending it on groceries. He doesn't look in the cupboards or ask. On Tues I used the last can of Chicken Noodle soup, got more on Weds when I went shopping. DH didn't look, we now have 12 cans of Chicken Noodle soup. I have a cupboard full of cake mixes which he has bought, he bought two more last week. And my grocery budget has hit the ceiling. Between the two of us we spent $380 at Wal-mart since Jan 15th.

I'm about ready to hide the check book and when he has an "errand" only give him one check.

We have the same problem with lunches for work. I go so far as to get a lunch ready for him the night before, which he then forgets. So he needs more spending money so he can eat.

Aargh!! I try so hard, and am so frustrated.

And thanks so much for letting me vent.

Laura

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:00pm

It sounds like you two are not on the same page when it comes to debt reduction. It's not just a matter of "don't spend this money," it's a matter of having your goals aligned so you're both working towards the same thing.

My inclination, if my DH did that, would be to put the extra groceries back in a bag with the receipt and say, "OK, now you can take these right back to the store." If he balked, I would say, "OK, then *I* will do it right now. Sorry that you had other plans for the moment, but we cannot afford to have this stuff sitting around the house, so those other plans will have to wait."

Remember, if you bought it - you can return it!

It usually takes a while before spouses arrive at the same conclusions about their finances. For my DH and me, it took a really, really tough conversation to make him understand that I need a *partner* in managing our finances, not a dependent (we already have 3 of those!). Once he understood our situation clearly and saw that he needed to help, he willingly got on board and has been ever since.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:01pm

I don't think you should tell him that you need to control his spending. That makes it sound like you are trying to dominate him. Instead, a calm conversation about the grocery budget and expenses may be enough to get him on the same page as you. Maybe he thinks he is being helpful by purchasing all the groceries? If so, remind him of the on-going grocery list you have on the refrigerator and that you are trying to stick to it. For lunches, maybe allot him a certain amount of spending money per week, and when he blows it all on lunches out, he'll get the picture and start taking his lunch. If your husband is like mine, he just doesn't think and it has taken us many years of communication to finally have the same view about finances. Maybe this is all you will need.

Good luck,
Windy

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:01pm

Oh Laura - I am so sorry that this is happening!


Sounds to me like a sit down intervention may be required.

All my best,
Danni