So Ashamed!
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So Ashamed!
| Fri, 02-04-2005 - 10:31pm |
For a while I had a bit of control of my money and managed to even save some. Although I was in credit card debt, it was manageable and not the way it used to be. Now it is terrible again. I purchase big ticket items like electronics, furniture and appliances. It's all bought on credit and "do not pay for 12 months." I have a negative balance in my bank account of over $2,000 in overdraft protection. I have accumulated over $20,000 worth of credit card debt. I just bought a house this past year and have every room fully furnished, no stone left unturned. Now I am sick and scared to even look at my balance account for fear that I will see more escalation. I am bipolar and think this has a lot to do with my impulsive behaviour. I buy things to make me feel better. I always think I'll be able to handle it. I never do! I'm just sick over this. Thank God I'm divorced - my husband was an abusive alcoholic and our divorce was final last October. I rarely venture out except to go to work where I make over $60,000. I feel like I've given up on life. I have a lot of emotional problems. I am on meds and have been in therapy off and on (usually on) since I was 25. Now I'm 46, extremely depressed, deep in debt and feel very much alone. When not worrying about my job, I worry about money. I just came off a stress leave of absence from work that last three years (dealing with my marriage, divorce, lost chance of motherhood, etc.). I am scheming and manipulative and everyone who gets to know me ends up hating me. I can't say that I blame them but I am sick with guilt and disgust at my own behaviour. I almost died a year and a half ago when a bladder infection spread to my kidneys, entered my bloodstream and went throughout my whole body. Basically what Christopher Reeves had also. I was in a coma, on a respirator, feeding tube, the works! I live in Canada so it was all paid for but it just seems I do everything wrong. I knew I should have got antiobiotics for the bladder infection but I didn't bother - I didn't care. I have screwed up my life so badly, I fear I will never ever win. I need a lot of support. Hopefully, I won't be manipulative or demanding with you guys. I just hate myself right now.

Travi
Welcome back to the board.
You have already gotten some good advice.
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
Welcome to the board.
All my best,
Danni
Travi