Very Depressed and Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Very Depressed and Frustrated
6
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 8:16pm
I just need a chance to vent. I've been married for a year and a half now. My husband has over $60,000 in credit card debt. It is really putting a strain on our relationship. He gets angry when I mention his debt. He is so much in debt, his paycheck basically covers his payments and mine covers all of the living expenses, etc. Even though we both combined make well over $100,000, we cannot even afford to get into a house. It seems like we will forever be renting. This makes me so depressed and I feel angry at him. He seems to think that he will pay these bills down. I don't think it is possible, even in a lifetime. I don't really have much motivation to even go to work any more because I feel like I will never have anything (since I have his debt to pay). Thanks for listening to me vent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 9:43pm

You have to sit down and figure out how much money you have to devote to the debt and if there is anything you can cut from your spending to pay extra towards the debt. Then use an online calculator and figure out how long it will take to pay them off with your current payments. There are lots of ways to help, such as paying the minimum on all cards except one, and throwing everything you have to pay off the "target" card. Once that card is paid, you put all excess cash towards the next card. Some say pay the lowest balance cards first, some say highest interest rate cards first. I personally think it makes the most sense to pay all small balance cards first (for example, any cards with balances under $1,000 get paid in order from smallest to largest). If you find you end up with a couple cards within the $10,000 - $12,000 range for example, you pick between those based on which one has the highest interest rate. Once you free up some room on those credit cards and they are not all maxed out, he will start getting some zero or low % interest rate offers, and he can do some balance transfers to those cards to save $$. Just be careful, it is not necessary to put the debt on credit cards in your name even if you have a zero percent offer (not that you necessarily would, but just in case). JMHO.

If you figure this all out and it's going to take 7-10 years to get out of debt, then I think he should consider bankruptcy. I don't know how it would affect you since you are married, but if you don't own any joint property, maybe he could do it on his own without affecting your credit. You'll have to check on that one. There is a bankruptcy board here somewhere.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:45pm

If you do decide to go the bankruptcy route, here's a link to the Bankruptcy Q&A board. This might help you decide whether to file and give you much needed information during the process.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-mlbankruptcy

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:34am

Have you contacted the card companies?

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 8:43am

Hi there - I'm not sure if you're familiar with my story, but in a nutshell...


DH and I got married in April 2003.

All my best,
Danni

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 9:48am

Hugs, you have already gotten great information.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:00am
You didn't say if he accumulated this debt before or after you were married. Generally this does make a difference. You are obviously more worried about it than he is; otherwise he would have posted on this board instead of you. I know it sucks; I have been there too, but not to this extent. You basically feel like you are working for nothing and will never have any breathing room and will never get ahead. Perhaps you need to sit down with him and figure out if the two of you have the same goals and values about money, it doesn't sound like you do. His debt is not your responsibility legally, if the debt was accumulated prior to the marriage. Otherwise yes, unless, you have a prenup stating that his debts are his and your debts are yours. I think that he needs to take responsibility for this himself and not leave you to stress about it. If he needs to get a second job to pay this off and be able to help with the bills, then so be it! At any level, you need to sit down with him and really talk no holds barred about this issue. You obviously resent having to pick up the slack, which you are rightfully entitled to feel! You are a year and a half into your marriage. How different do you think things will be 5 or 10 years from now if this issue isn't dealt with now. He needs to take you and your concerns seriously if he values his marriage and tell him that. you are both in this together more or less; and if he isn't willing to face this head on like the man he should be, then someday, you may have to make some tough choices alone! Good luck and keep posting!