I've just about had it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I've just about had it.
11
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 8:59am

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get ahead!


So after my car payment comes out today, I am left with $7.66 to my name.

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Avatar for boogriz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:20am

I'm so sorry to hear you sound so down, Vicky. I know that feeling of having spent money I shouldn't have and then the sick feeling inside. Just want to tell you that we're here to support, listen and help best we can. What's done is done...now work on the future. Once these bills are paid (insurance, licence,etc.) they won't be back around for a long while. Try your best not to spend on anything that's not a necessity. You'll be in my thoughts.

B.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:31am

Hi Vicky,

Are you currently using a program like Quicken or Money to keep track of your accounts? If so, this might be something you could try. I believe there are some low-cost alternatives to these programs online....or you could try using Microsoft Excel if you have it on your computer. Enter in every single purchase you make...even if it's a drink or snack from a vending machine. At the holidays, if I dropped some change into a Salvation Army kettle, I would enter that also. Every penny spent gets entered. Doing this allowed me to see that my weakness was fast food and groceries (gee, wonder why I'm so overweight! LOL!!!). My solution for this was to only allow myself $10 in cash per week (with no trips to ATMs for more) and I had to stick to a grocery list and carry cash to make my food purchase, not allowing for any unplanned extras. So, because I only carry that small amount of cash with me, a trip to a fast food restaurant no longer made sense since between my son and I, we could easy blow that whole $10...and I never knew when I might actually need it for something important before the end of the week. My credit card is left at home, and my debit card is off limits. It's in my wallet for emergencies (like if my car breaks down and I need a tow or something), but I have a post-it note wrapped around it that says, "Don't you dare!" LOL! It sounds silly when I type it out, but it works! :-D I've been tempted to buy something and when I look at my debit card and see that post-it message, I put it away and avoid spending. :-D Of course, I still do have some slip-up moments like recently when my husband told me to take my son out for lunch to celebrate how well he was doing in school...and rather than going someplace less expensive, I opted for Chili's, which cost us $25.00 (tip included). Burger King would have been $15 cheaper. :-D

I wish you luck! Try not to be so hard on yourself. :-D

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:47am
You say you can't get ahead becuase when you have a little money you spend it - but that means you CAN get ahead. You just have to keep trying to curb your spending. It IS possible. Lots of us have been there, shooting ourselves in the foot, spending money we don't have and then not being able to make ends meet. It doesn't happen overnight. Next time you have a little money, or you find yourself buying something you know you don't need, remember how it felt after you spent the $100 on makeup and had $7.66 to your name. Remember it and try to do better next time.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:08am
Hey, vicky,
I have been there. My solution is to stay away from the stores, except grocery shopping of course, and i can even use some help there. Also, I get a high from getting things on clearance. If you can alter the patterns that trigger your spending, change your routines a bit, and find something else you really enjoy, you will begin to see a difference. I get paid every two weeks...I used to spend about half of the money (left over from paying bills) on payday. I retrained myself to shop only on certain days. It helps, because if you aren't out window-shopping, then you aren't going to spend the money. At the beginning of the month, try to forecast what you are going to want to buy that month that is outside of your regular expenses. Write it down, if it isn't on your list, then hold off until next month. Tha way you will budget for it, and it won't take you totally by surprise. I used to be the queen of impulse-buying. it is a weakness of mine. But when you start to make progress on your debt, the feeling of accomplishment as you see the numbers go down will help you change your habits so that it will continue to go in the right direction. Write it down!!! We all make a slip up now and then, but don't let it change your outlook. You will get through this!!! Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:18am
Hugs to you :) My advice is similar to Heather's and is the only way I stopped spending. I just do not go to the mall. Period. If I'm not near the makeup counter I can't buy it. Now I can't figure out what it was I needed to go to the mall for!
Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 1:36pm

Vicky - have you already opened all the makeup?

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:46pm

I have been there - and am still there at the first of every month after I have paid all my bills and have very little left over!!! And still have 2 more weeks until I get paid again!

The best thing you can do is just not go to a store. I went MONTHS without going to the mall. I started going to consignment stores and discount stores like TJ Maxx and Marshalls. When I finally went back to the mall I felt like everybody in there was looking at me like I was an imposter - look at her! She shouldn't be here! She can't afford this place! And they were right! After all that discount shopping - I was shocked at the mall prices.

And pat yourself on the back for every good thing you do. Every time I walk away from something I really want to buy, but don't need, I praise myself. I think - that is $60 that is going toward getting me out of debt. After I drive away, I can hardly remember what that $60 knick nack - I was dying for - even looked like.
Good luck and be patient with yourself!

Hope this helps! Don't be so hard on yourself! We are all going through the same thing. And we have all spent money we should not have.
Lisa

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 4:41pm
Oh Vicki, I think we've all been there and done that too many times to count. I think there has to be some void in our lives and a feeling of entitlement for better things that motivates us to make poor choices. You will pay the consequences for your actions so don't beat yourself up anymore than that! Somehow, we all have to learn how to forgive each ourselves, figure out if the problem is psychological, compulsive or impulsive behaviour or depression. I think I qualify for all of the above:) All we can do is keep trying.

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 6:34pm

I don't think that compulsive overspending is really any different than anything else; gambling, drinking, overeating. I think a person has to finally hit their proverbial "bottom" before real significant change can occur. I don't think your financial problems are financial at all. I think they are emotional. What are you getting out of spending money that you don't have? I think you have to change your mind set. Do you want to be a powerful person in charge of her finances or do you want to have a "victim" mentality that severs accountability on your part? I think that most of us today have a passive agressive relationship with money. We pout and feel sorry for ourselves when we don't have it, thinking everyone else has more than we do, but then when we have extra money, we find foolish ways to spend it.

Maybe not passive agressive so much as a love/hate relationship with it. We love when we have it and hate when we don't, but when we have it, we don't respect it enough to keep it! I know I am rambling somewhat. The bottom line is that having more money wouldn't solve your problem. Finding ways to maximize the money that you have is what will change things. You have to decide where your priorities lie and bite the bullet. Do you want financial security once and for all, or do you want to struggle constantly. Find that balance. In the meantime, put it down on paper, make a contract with yourself, a promise really, that you will save X amount of dollars each month and put it away in savings. Pay off whatever debt you can now, especially if the amounts are small. This will give you progress right away. Whenever you are tempted to break your promise to yourself, tell yourself "absolutely not!" "I am worth it and I deserve to live my life free of financial stress". After a while you will see things in a new light and the pros of not overspending will soon outway the cons; and you will see real change. We live in a society where "budget" is a dirty word and means we deprive ourselves of things that we want. This is the opposite; when we put all of our value in things, we miss out on more meaningful experiences with our money. Financial security, lack of worry, and even generosity and charity to others! Consider all this and take care! Be smart and stay financially safe!

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:58pm

"We love when we have it and hate when we don't, but when we have it, we don't respect it enough to keep it!"


Wow - that's really insightful.

All my best,
Danni

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