New here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
New here....
14
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 2:28pm

Hi all, I'm Brian.

I'm 43, divorce final last month (Feb. 14 actually!) I'm the PCP for my two kids, and thanks to a three year long divorce and outrageous temporary support payments, I'm about $100,000 in debt, not counting my house. I still pay spousal support to my Ex, and so far she's been paying token CS back, but I haven't seen March's CS yet.

I've had to suspend payments to two of my unsecured creditors, MBNA and CapitalOne, when MBNA cut off my access to my credit line that I was consolidating debt into, and then CapitalOne racked my rate to 20%. That should be heating up before long. I did invoke FDCPA rules on them so they won't be calling me.

I'm keeping the other 9 payments current, but Chase is racking all their "risky" customers for the heck of it. So I'm waiting for more shoes to drop.

Well, that's the long and short of it.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 2:35pm
Welcome to the board Brian! Sounds like you have a lot going on now and over the past 3 years! I don't really have much advise yet, but I look forward to getting to know you and hearing more of your story! You will find all kinds of great advice here, I know I have! Welcome!
~leanne

~leanne

deciding to be happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, but that you had decided to look beyond the imp

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 3:19pm

I'm so confused! LOL How are you paying spousal support while she's paying child support?? That seems really bizarre to me.

So, are you staying home with your kids all the time, or are you working (not that staying at home with kids isn't work--believe me, I know--I'm the SAH PCP for my two! LOL)?

Have you sat down and worked out what all your bills are each month, and tracked your spending to see whether you can make all your payments with your current income?

You have a lot going on, and I'm sure the stress isn't helping anything. But the same basic steps apply:

Work out how much is going out each month versus how much is coming in.

Work out *where* the money is going, right down to the last penny.

Cut expenses where you can. Most people can make quite a dent just by taking five, ten, or twenty dollars out of each discretionary area--groceries, cable, clothing, meals out, etc.

If your incoming is still lower than your outflow, then it's time to look at a second job. I know this is a difficult choice to make with two children, but perhaps you could find something that is only a couple of nights a week and a friend or neighborhood kid to babysit for cheap. Or, if your ex has partial custody, you might be able to arrange it to work while she has the kids. And tell your kids and remind yourself that it is temporary, just until you can get your bills under control and manageable on the one income.

It seems overwhelming and disheartening at first, but it gets easier. And you'll feel so good about yourself when those credit balances start going down, down, down.

Good luck and thanks for joining us.

Blessings,

Heather

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 4:21pm

Hello Brian and welcome to the board.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 4:33pm

Most people are confused by my situation, so don't feel bad.

Basically, spousal support is decided in the Property Settlement (in Arizona) while child support is decided outside the realm of the divorce. (Hence is can change).

So, my IE (Idiot Ex) decided that she did not want to co-parent and left the state, leaving the kids with me.

So, while I pay SS to her, she pays CS to me. SS is a tax deduction (dollar for dollar off the income side) while CS is not reported income. In other words, it's legal money laundering.

LOL!

There are several problems identified in my financial situation. A third of my income goes out in SS, while less than 1/10th of that amount comes back as CS. IE refuses to be well employed.

While I make a lot of money, almost all of the financial burden is on me. Recurring bills, mortgage, secured debt, SS, unsecured debt, utilities, childcare, make up over 80% of my net income. Food, clothing, gasoline and a couple of nights off from the kids a month (sitters) and other maintenance items chew up the rest.

While I was making headway, several of my C-cards went on the interest rate attack. This overloaded my balance sheet, hence the non-payment of two of them.

I have some annual bonus and stock income coming in next month, but i also have a car that is in need of either replacement or extensive repairs.

Unfortunately my income is high enough that bankruptcy is not an option. If it weren't for the SS, I could clear this debt in short order.




Edited 3/23/2005 5:42 pm ET ET by az_tbone
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 5:01pm

Hi Brian,

It's interesting to see you here as well as on single parents board. I've recently started reading the posts here in an effort to learn ways to economize as well as to get myself motivated to be a better personal money manager. I'm a bean-counter; my accounts at work all reconcile perfectly, but the personal budget is a different story. Post-divorce, my standard of living is enormously reduced--live in a rented house half the size of my old one. My on-going custody battle has eaten up all community property assets I received in the D. Don't have all that much debt, ($6K on cc's, $8K on car loan, no mortgage or other loans), my goal is to save for a down payment to buy a house. The home I rent is perfectly located for my kids' schools and in a nice neighborhood, but hasn't been maintained well, and looks run-down.

My ex has totally shunned my son, 17YO, so I don't expect any college $ help for him and his college trust fund is only at $8K thanks to the recent market dive, so that's another fiscal challenge. I'm also trying to help him save to buy a clunker car since his Dad took away the one he gave him last year...sad story.

I'm trying to save best as I can, but it seems like just when I start to get a leg up, something happens. Two weeks ago I had to spend $600 on car repairs and now I think I need to get a molar crowned--no insurance, or I get a bill from my good but expensive attorney. I put $ in my saving account every payday, but end up needing to take it back out again. Frustrating.

So, I'm reading the posts here for inspiration, making a spending/saving plan, and praying hard.

The good thing is that after 15 yrs as SAHM, I was able to re-enter the workforce in a well-paying job, and have had some good increases over the last 2 years.

Good luck to you as you work on rebuilding your financial life.

Frugally yours,
Cupcake

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: az_tbone
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 11:38pm

Welcome to the board. Look forward to reading your posts.

MYM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
In reply to: az_tbone
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 8:24am

Welcome to the board Brian! I'm sorry to hear about what is your challanging situation. :(

I hope to continue "seeing" you around :)

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: az_tbone
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 9:26am

Welcome Brian!


Did you call Chase and see if they would lower your rate back down?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: az_tbone
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:43am

Hi Brian! I'm Christie. I started posting here shortly after my divorce. I was and still am the PCP to son. I was in HUGE debt due to divorce, hospitalization, surgery, fulltime daycare, no CS for over a year, etc. Anyway, glad to meet you and I hope to see you around here often. Everyone is very nice, supportive and have some great ideas and advice. As everyone has stated - the best first step is to see EXACTLY where you are - write down every single debt. I recently had to do this step all over again - I was out of debt and now I'm back in the hole (around $6500). It's hard to see the actually number but at least you know where you are. Then I believe the next step is to track your spending for a month - write down EVERYTHING you buy or pay for one month (ex: mortgage, utilities, newspaper, coffee at work, chewing gum, fuel, groceries, etc.). This will tell you exactly where your money is going. I did this by keeping a notebook with me - I wrote down everything and then I would highlight the items that were WANTS and not NEEDS - during one week I spent almost $324 and over $180 was highlighted items - YIKES!

Take care and keep us posted.

Christie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: az_tbone
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:44am

Hi Brian. I saw your other post and said hi before I saw your introduction. Welcome to the board! Are you following me around? LOL. I *know* you are not the stalker type :)

I don't have any suggestions at the moment, but at least you know what you owe - that is usually the first step for newbies here. It is also good you know what you spend and where you spend it. I had to make some cutbacks during my divorce, and that included cutting all services on my home phone (I pay $12 per month now and never use it, only for emergencies), getting a cheaper cell phone plan (saved $40 per month), cheaper internet access (saved $15 per month), cancelling my cable (saved $60 per month, and found out that PBS has great shows), getting cheaper car insurance (saved $540 per year).... um, I think those were the big money savers. Unfortunately I also moved which was expensive, rent went up and dd's daycare went up. I pay nearly all dd's expenses (all daycare, most of clothes although my ex doesn't seem to have a problem finding money for new toys each week he has dd) and I pay my ex child support too. Her preschool is $945 per month and that takes a big bite out of my budget. When she starts public school having a mortgage will finally be possible because I won't have the daycare expense (unless ex tries to go back for more cs, then I guess we'll have to keep renting).

Anyway, welcome to the board and I hope you can find a solution to the interest rate problem. It's ridiculous that they do that.

Photobucket

Pages