Deadbeat Ex-BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Deadbeat Ex-BF
7
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:22pm

I feel so stupid and I wish I can go back time and erase what i did. I let my ex use my credit card. He put over $5,000 worth of debt on it. I know that's not a huge number compared to some other people, but that's a lot of money to payoff for SOMEONE ELSE. Has anyone else made the same mistake or knows someone who did? How did you deal with it? What did you do? I kept calling him, he changed his cell phone number on me once, but I got his new # and I kept calling and leaving voice mails but he wouldn't return my calls. He finally picked up last night and said " Don't f***ing call my cell again" and hung up on me. I really don't know what to do anymore, he's not legally liable for the account and there's nothing I can do. :(

Jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:42pm

I did it, to the tune of around $20k. I was 19 and he charged all that up in 5 months, I refer to him as the con-artist ex-bf. I tried to get some of the stuff back so I could sell it, but my name wasn't on the lease and the police could not get me access to his place (although a very nice police officer negotiated to get my clothes back).

I got two jobs, lived on nothing, and paid as much as I could towards all the different credit cards (one was an account he used for business expenses, but when he got his reimbursement check he kept it since I had moved out, and I was stuck with the bill). I sued him, which took two years, and a month before the court date he filed bankruptcy, discharging my claim immediately. I had charge-offs, judgements, a bunch of delinquencies from the time it all started, and also a bunch of on time and paid accounts (thanks to the two jobs and living at home). When he filed bankruptcy I gave up. All the accounts that were in good standing were paid, and a couple charge-offs and a judgement already ruined my credit and the clock had started on them. I blew the rest off (flame me if you like, I did pay over $15k of the debts). Nobody has ever tracked me down since then, and they have all fallen off my credit report. I still worry about it sometimes when I get a forwarded collection letter or something. And it's possible it could catch up to me at some point I guess.

Since it's $5k, I would pay it off if I were you, even if it takes a while. $5k is not worth ruining your credit for 7 years IMHO. You could check with small claims court and see if you can sue someone for $5k that way, and at least attempt to hold your bf responsible to pay you back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:51pm

Jill - I am so sorry that this happened to you.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:53pm

Oh my god, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Now I don't trust ANYONE. I could never do that to someone, I don't know how you could do that and live with yourself. I thought I knew my ex, but I guess I don't know him at all. Thanks for your input, you're right, I gotta pay it off. F*** him, its a lesson learned

Jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 4:01pm

There are plenty of trustworthy people out there. In my case I learned the wrong lesson. I subconciously realized that men who needed me to take care of them financially would be more tied to me than other men and I would have more control in the relationship. I didn't find anymore con-artists, but I did find financially irresponsible men and had relationship on my terms. I took care of everything in the relationship and then they couldn't leave me because they needed me, and it kept me from feeling the pain of abandonment I felt when my father disappeared (died). Can you tell I've had lots of therapy recently?

Ok, so it's not about not trusting anyone. It's about really getting to know someone on all levels and determining what their values are. My current bf has been in all kinds of financial binds in the last year due to a custody situation. He has never once (and never would) ask me for financial help (and I know if he did, I could walk away). It's very important IMHO that anyone you are with have the ability and willlingness to take care of themselves in any and all circumstances. You only lean on someone else financially if you are married or committed enough that you have combined your finances and agree you are a team in all aspects of your life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:34pm

I don't have anything close to that one....

I'm so glad you were able to make it through that.
Man :( I can't imagine it.

A long time ago, like 1986 I think, I co signed for my
girlfriends CC.

She dumps me, and keeps charging the CC. In addition,
I moved out, her new BF moved in, she was supposed to
change the utilities to her name. She didn't, of course.
And neither did she pay them.

The whole bill ended up being about $800.

That doesn't seem like much, but at the time I was making $8000/yr,
before taxes. That was like 1.5 months pay to me.

I took my last paycheck from my job then, with my little savings,
paid everything off and went into the army dead broke.

AND, because I had no idea she had gone over 90 days late on the CC,
because the bill went to her, not me, it still went to my credit report.

So, when I go to get a car later on, its like 12% instead of 6....

I still have that car!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
In reply to: yc0612
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:49pm

Chalk it up as a life lesson and bite your tounge and pay it. That's my advise.

You could try small claims court, but is it really worth all of that? It would just be more hassel, expense and emotional distress.

I'm really sorry for your situation, that really sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: yc0612
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 4:50am
It's not a crime to put your trust in someone and do something for them in "good faith". The crime is when they screw you over! This happened to me as well. My boyfriend at the time and I decided to seperate for various reasons; one reason for him was he wanted to leave for a really good job in another state. This would give us some time apart and give him the opportunity to make some descent money. Well, the descent money he ended up getting was from me instead. Over the course of about 4 months I wired him money for various things, he always had a good excuse why he needed the money. "they screwed up on my check", "I injured myself and can't work", blah blah blah. I estimate that I sent him between 3 and 4 thousand dollars. I don't even know for SURE because it would just p*$$ me off even more to know the real amount. I found out later, that the whole time I was sending him money and the whole time he claimed to be working and planning on us getting back together, he was living and sleeping with another woman! I of course, was devestated, and of course have never recovered the money from him and he has never offered to pay it back. I found some closure by writing the amount off on my taxes as a bad debt. That was the only way I could think of to recover anything. Recovering trust and faith is much more difficult, and I am still working on that, but I will never again make the same mistake. You will recover as well, and for the sake of your own well being and credit rating, you will need to pay this off. I would then try to find another way to go after him for the money if you feel it is worth it. If not, then let it go, and when he has burned all of his other bridges and trys to come sniffing around you again for money, you can tell him where to really go! Take care! God Bless!