Help
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:25pm |
Hi Ladies,
(I will be posting this message on Debt Q and A because I need as may suggestions as soon as possible. Thanks)
I rarely ever post although I do still lurk here at least once a week to keep me “grounded”. Last fall I finished paying off $5,000 of cc debt and 15,000 of student loans. It was incredibly difficult and I really had to work hard to do it, so I don’t ever want to be in debt again unless it’s for a house.
Since then I’ve been asked lots of questions about how I worked my way out of debt (by friends and family). One of the people that I’ve been really trying to help is a good friend of mine. Lately she’s made a few comments about how the credit card companies lured her in and it’s their fault that she’s in debt. I just don’t get how an intelligent woman can blame a company for her spending.
See, I’ve been trying to show her that to get out of debt you need to face your reality. You need to face the consequences of your actions (ie. over-spending leads to debt) and that you need to take responsibility for your actions and “own” them before you can work your way out. One of her arguments is that the cc���s made it too tempting, let her get herself into too much debt and then jacked the rate because they knew they could.
I agree with some of her argument. Yes, the cc’s should not be able to jack your rate up to 29%. That’s a crazy huge amount of interest. The cc’s aren’t the problem, though. Spending money that she doesn’t have and barely affording the payments before the increase got her into debt. I mean, yes the cc sounded great but nobody forced her to buy all that “stuff”.
She’s about to lose her home and is seriously on the brink of a bankruptcy. How can I show her that she needs to take responsibility for her actions? She keeps saying that she’s counting on me to help her but how can I help someone who just won’t stop hurting themselves by digging herself deeper and deeper into debt?
What made you “see the light” and want to become debt-free?
Thanks
Lynne

Pages
Ladies,
Thanks for all of your advice. As a long-time lurker and a *now* debt-free individual I guess I knew all of this but it's still hard to sit back and watch a friend hurt herself.
I intended to post responses yesterday but things got hectic. Strange timing-I think she hit rock bottom yesterday. It turns out that things were worse than I thought. The bank has started foreclosure on their home and her husband got a notice at work about wage garnishment.
The first thing she did was ask for a loan to help them. The first thing her husband did was to tell me it is my fault for not fixing the problem. Nice, huh? (Still angry about it) No, I am not going to loan them money. We're not family and I have doubts that I would ever be repaid. I did offer to watch their kids at my house last night so they could talk (which is why I didn't get back here yesterday).
The house they own has a huge mortgage and they both wanted it but most of their debt is caused by her over-spending. She told me it was $46,000 but told her husband that it was $20,000. they added everything up last night and it's over $80,000.
I'm not sure what's going to happen now, but I'll try to be thier to support them/
Thanks Ladies
Lynne
Pages