A little "share and tell" survey...
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A little "share and tell" survey...
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:24pm |
I think we all have our ups and downs, and I think that reading about situations other than our own might help us each with our own perspectives, so if you don't mind my surveying...
At what point did you feel most burdened, discouraged, or hopeless about your financial situation?

I was most burdened and crushed July 4th weekend, 2002. My boyfriend and I had split up, I was on my own, and very unhappy. I logged on here, and saw that other, really nice people, were in the same debt boat as me. I got the suggestion to read Jerrold Mundis' book "How to get out of debt, stay out of debt, and live prosperously". I sat in my rocking chair on my front porch with my cat and my bagel, coffee, and orange juice, and read the book. I did the exercises in it, the worst of which was writing down and adding up all my debts. I had no idea that I had 14 credit cards and $24K in debt! I proclaimed Independence from Financial Ignorance that weekend, and paid everything off.
Looking back, I can see that my most recent excursion back down Debt Road started when I purchased my car. I could afford it all right, but it gave me financial insecurity. When I moved last month, I took out a cash advance from a credit card to 'get by' until my severance check came in. You guessed it - I spent more than I needed, my severance check was a couple of hundred less than I thought it would be, and now don't have the money to pay the cash advance back.
I currently have a spending plan that's in the red, but at least I know it now, so I can fix it. I don't feel overwhelmed like before, because I know I can get myself out of it, and I know how. Spend less, and earn more! Simple, yes. Easy, no. But I have hope, when three years ago I didn't.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it was worth the lessons learned. I prefer an 'easier, softer' way. :-)
Good questions!
Lee Ann
Lee Ann
www.werenotafraid.com
Back in 1999 after my first son was born I stayed home with him for a year, and then had to go back to work. The main reason I needed to work was in order to pay off credit card debts. So, I visited the frugal living board and learned a lot of great ways to save money and pay off debt, and got out of debt within a year, was able to quit my job, and had another child. Things were going great until my first son was diagnosed with autism. During the first year after he was diagnosed, nothing else mattered to me but getting him some help. We tried every therapy under the sun, and used credit cards to do it. And, since we were already having to use the credit cards for the therapy, it was easier to justify using them for other things too. So, now, 3 years later I finally am ready to attack the debt and get out of debt once again. It was quite a shock to sit down and realize that my cc's now total 47K. Ouch.
But, we did it once before (although not with as much debt) and I know we can do it again.
Oh, and also within these 3 years, my husband has lost his job twice, but luckily has a good job now.
I agree with Lee Ann, I wouldn't say it was worth the lessons I've learned, but I suppose it has helped shape who I am.
Angie :-)
I think the worst it got for me was in the fall of 2001. My DH has a great job, when he works. He is in the construction buisness and he income can fluctuate wildly. At that point, post Sept 11, several big anticipated jobs were called off and we came to realize that we were not going to rebound quickly with his next job. We had a new baby, a new house, a new van and a toddler and I had just started graduate school. We had planned on his income to carry us through. I was terrified, panicked. I had no idea what was going to happen. I was on maternity leave, and didn't want to leave my new baby. I ended up with no options but going back to work full- time, and juggling school and babies. I thought I was going to go crazy! I could of quit school, and almost packed it in a few times, but I am glad I didn't.
I learned some very important lessons, although some were painful! And the growth curve is not over yet. Was it worth it? In my case, Yes! Going back to school gave me the chance to do my dream job, and move home, where we have wanted to be for years. I have learned to live within my means, and have slowly been paying off my credit cards. I have not charged anything in over a year. I have learned (the hard way) to pay my bills on time, (way to many late fees!) I can't tell you how I will feel about being debt free, because I am not there yet. But I will be. I have a plan, and the determination to stick to it. I know that there will be set back along the way, but hey that's life.
We still struggle to manage his fluctuating income, but we are learning...C'est la vie!
My little girl has autism, and was born in 1999, too!! And yep, it sure does come with a price tag. I don't know if you read my post from earlier in the week, but i just wiped out my savings (again) to meet with another specialist. we've been doing ABA/VB for 2.5 years already. we are going to the carbone Clinic in September. how's your little guy doing??? I know what you mean when you say "And, since we were already having to use the credit cards for the therapy, it was easier to justify using them for other things too.". It just gets so overwhelming and hopeless at times, because the costs seem to go up and up and up!!! I hope that some day soon someone in the big government will wake up and start doing something...at the very least, make private insurance share some of the costs!!! We're starting to face the music debtwise too, but like you, in the first couple of years, it was ALL ABOUT getting the right programming, the debt didn't even make me raise an eyebrow. Good luck to you!!! Heather
"At what point did you feel most burdened, discouraged, or hopeless about your financial situation?"
March 21, 2002. Two months earlier, we had set the deadline for dh to find a job by March 31. If he was still out of work, we were moving back in with family, 300 miles away. I had packed up everything we didn't need on a daily basis in boxes for the trip. We had sold everything we could think of to sell. Our debt was over $30,000, not including our car. Our utility payments were behind, our credit cards maxed out and behind, and I owed my dad more than $15,000. I was getting creditor calls on a daily basis, and the utilities were threatening to shut off.
"What did you do to turn it around, or are you still struggling?"
Dh might very well say the next day was the worst day for him. He got a job offer. By that time, he had begun to pump himself up about the move--going back to live near his family, back home. He had begun to think of it as a good thing. And the job offer was pretty crappy. He'd be doing payroll (boring) for a cranky boss (he'd been temping for the company for a few weeks, so he knew already that he HATED the job), and the pay was more than a third less than what he had made at his previous, more interesting, job.
But I was happy (er). I didn't want to leave, and I didn't want to move in with in-laws. The glimmer of hope encouraged me to set to work really, truly fixing our situation. It was clear that on dh's new income, we still couldn't make ends meet the way we were living--which was pretty frugally, but, as I learned, not as frugal as we could be.
I analyzed our spending, and wrote down every single expense. I examined each one for ways to cut back. I don't remember everything we did, but here is what I remember: refinanced our car for a lower monthly payment (turned out to be a good option for us--we had considered selling it outright, but that didn't turn out to be the best choice for us), moved from a cheap duplex into a cheaper apartment with no water bill and lower utilities, turned off our land line, and reduced our food bill to under $200 a month.
There was still a big gap between dh's income and our monthly expenses. So I figured out how much I had to make to make up the difference, and discovered I couldn't do it either by working full time (and therefore paying for daycare, which I didn't want to do anyway) or by working at a usual part-time job at night, like retail or night receptionist. I could, however, do it with the excellent tips to be had working at a bar (which I had done in graduate school). So, I drove/walked around town one afternoon applying at every bar in town for a table-waiting job. Got one just across the street, and worked three to four nights a week from 5 pm until 4 am running drinks to drunken jerks, kissing up to the regulars, and enduring the never-fading smell of cigarette smoke in my hair.
This was the turning-point for us, because it took our budget from being in the red (which it had been since my son's birth 20 months before, even before dh lost his job) to being in the black, and our debt began to go down. We had borrowed a little more money from my dad to pay for the move and get our accounts up to date (what a blessing his assistance was, although we are paying it back with interest). But we were finally seeing our debt balances go down--incrementally--each month, instead of up.
We were still frustrated, though, because car repairs and other things kept cropping up that would set us back. That's when I read Mary Hunt and began saving for those types of events in a systematic manner. That was another turning point.
About a year or so later, dh got a promotion and significant raise, putting him back where we had been before his job loss. Our new skills and pared-down lifestyle enabled us to survive quite well on this amount, but I kept the job because I liked watching our debt balances go down, down, down.
In April or May of the following year, the bar manager (who was new) fired me for a stupid reason, but it was a good thing. I really didn't need to work there any more, but was afraid of letting go. It turned out I had nothing to fear. Our new frugal skills have made all the difference.
"If you are able to look back on it yet, was it as crushing as it felt at the time?"
No. Absolutely not. I know now that I am not my money, I am not my debt, and that no matter what happens financially, if I am with my family and we're all healthy, well, that's all that really matters.
"Would you go so far as to say that it was worth the lessons learned about credit and debt that came from it?"
I'm going to depart from the majority so far here and say absolutely, without a doubt, it was worth it for the lessons. I have two cousins whose father worked very hard and made a ton of money, and they are extremely well off (he died a couple years ago and left them each quite well off). So much so that one of them is taking the summer off to help his mom fix up her house, help my grandparents in California, visit the Bahamas, and may go take a minimally-paying internship in Boston in the fall, just for the experience. He quit his job recently because he wasn't happy there, and he doesn't have to worry about money particularly. Both my cousins are extremely smart, they are savvy, they are good and wonderful people, and I love them dearly. Do I envy them their financial position? Not for an instant. (Okay, maybe for an instant back when we were struggling so hard, until I realized that I wouldn't trade my dad for their money, and absolutely I wouldn't trade with them now having learned what I have).
Why not? Because I am a better person than I was. I have learned skills that are only obtainable through the school of hard knocks. I understand the value of money, intimately. I understand what it takes to bring yourself up from difficult circumstances. I have had an opportunity to hone my spending down to a point of discovering where my true values lie. I have had a chance to really learn what is important to me, and to learn how to achieve those things on my own. I don't need vast wealth, or even a small inheritance, to achieve my true goals. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Thanks for asking. :)
Heather
Thanks for writing! It's nice to hear from someone who knows exactly what it's like trying to pay for autism treatment! How wonderful that you are getting your daughter into the Carbone clinic! We did VB for about 2 years until my son started kindergarten. My husband and I continue to do VB at home, but we don't have any therapists right now. My son is in public school during the year (we're lucky and have a really good district), but this summer we're putting him in an ABA-based summer school where they will be working primarily on social skills. The school will be 1/2 autistic kids and 1/2 typical kids, so they are letting my daughter come too, for free. We are going to be paying for summer school with money we had already saved up! I'm so happy about that. We're also going to give RDI a try.
Thanks for your message, it helps me not feel so alone. Good luck to you!!!
Angie