Needing to vent...
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| Fri, 05-20-2005 - 8:53am |
I'm a longer time lurker, I've posted only a few times. But, I really need to post today, things just keep getting worse. I think I'm on the verge of breaking so I thought writing about it might help. Things were pretty much on the edge for quite a while, but there was a light at the end - I could almost see it. Then my DH lost his job on 4/4. Things are going from bad to worse. My check pretty much covers groceries and gas, and the minimal amount I pay daycare (DH is home, but we take DS to daycare 2 days a week to hold his spot - if/when DH gets a job, I don't want to have to hunt for something new.) After that, there's only about $200/wk to pay bills and live off of. I do get child support for my ODD, which covers our car payments. We have no savings and I don't know how long this will last. We don't have another house pmt due until June 25th and the only thing that is deliquent is my cc bill. But I feel myself getting further and further behind on everything else really soon. We don't have a lot we can cut out, most of our bills are debt payments from stupidity past. We don't have credit cards anymore, just the bills.
I have felt physically sick for the past few days and just exhausted. I know it's all stress. I'm usually a very good sleeper,but last night -even though I felt exhausted-I laid in bed for 2 hours tossing and turning and eventually crying before I fell asleep. DH is already depressed and feeling so lousy and he is trying really hard to find a new job. But most of them are so crappy paying, it wouldn't even cover daycare (we'll have 2 in daycare once school is out.)
I'm not really looking for advice I guess, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!!

You are where we were about three years ago, and it feels awful! I really feel for you. Keep your chin up, though. It won't always be this way. And feel free to keep coming here for shoulders to cry on. We all feel your pain. XO
You didn't ask for advice, and I won't give any. But I do have some BTDT thoughts and ideas, if you're interested. ;) Just let me know.
HUGS!!!! And blessings,
Heather
I'm so glad you posted! It's so unhealthy to keep these things in. You helped me by affirming my own thoughts - that stress about money is making me feel ill. I'm a terrible sleeper, and worrying about money only makes it worse.
Good luck to your DH in finding a new, better job. Chin up!
Lee Ann
Lee Ann
www.werenotafraid.com
Wishing you lots of luck and a good job coming towards your DH.
cindylee
Lisa
Ahhhhh... *I'm* *your* inspiration????? That has got to be about the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Well, here are some thoughts. Let's see... a little over three years ago, we were packing up boxes and planning to move out of state to live with family and try to get back on our feet again. Dh was offered a job, at a third less than his former salary (which had been a squeeze as it was), and we ended up staying.
It became my mission to discover every penny that could be squeezed out of our budget, and we discovered that there were many things we could cut out that had formerly seemed impossible. I was also inspired by an idea in Mary Hunt's book to look at cutting just $5 or $10 from each item on our list, instead of trying to cut huge chunks all in one place--that those $5 and $10 drops in the bucket could add up to a lot.
Anyway, here are some things we did: refinanced our car (considered selling it, but it turned out not to be the best option for us--interest rates were low, we had some equity in the vehicle, and it would have cost us more to get a new loan on a used vehicle than to refinance our partially-paid-for one), moved into a cheaper place, I got a job waiting tables, reduced our grocery budget to under $200 a month (yes, a month), increased deductibles on insurance (thereby reducing premiums), lived without AC, hung clothes to dry, sold lots of "stuff," canceled our phone (went to using a cell phone only--since long distance is included and we have family all over the place, and because we never use all our minutes, it was cheaper than the landline). We had never had cable television, and didn't cancel our high-speed internet because my freelance work requires Internet access--I could have canceled that as well, as I could have worked from the library, but it turned out not to be necessary.
Of course, your situation is different. But here are some things I thought of while reading your post that may or may not be feasible for you, but are worth considering.
I would seriously consider canceling the daycare. I know you say it's not very expensive, but even at $5 or $10 a week (and I'm guessing it's more than that), that's $20 or $40 a month that could be buying groceries or paying a bill. I know you want to hold their places there, but trust the universe and you're likely to be rewarded. There is something else waiting for you, something better on the horizon, but you may have to let go a bit first. That's my belief, anyway, and it's always been true for me. Maybe it will be a hassle when it's time to put them back in daycare, finding a new one and people you trust, but if it keeps you from crashing and burning financially, and allows you to bring your family back to a position of plenty, it may just be worth it. And maybe when it's time for them to go back, there will be something even better waiting for them.
Consider a private-party sale on one of your cars. You may end up having to shell out some cash to make the difference, but if you sell the car yourself you'll get a lot more for it than trying to sell it to a dealership, and if the difference is less than a couple of car payments, you save a lot of money in the process. Let's say your car payment is $300 and the difference between your sale price and your loan is $600--in two months, you'll have made up the difference and no longer have that car payment--$300 freed up in your budget. Obviously, these are numbers you have to run for yourself, but it's worth looking in to. Then you'll only have one car, but you only need one car if only one of you is working.
Whatever you do, keep paying on your mortgages. About the worst thing that could happen to you right now financially is foreclosure.
Remember that for everything else, there is help out there. Consider seeking government aid--food stamps and WIC are available to many people who don't even realize they qualify. Many communities have "share the heat" programs where they offer assistance for electric and gas bills, and even water bills. As a bare minimum, call your utilities and find out what kind of financial hardship offers they have. Search these forums for lots of great ideas on frugal grocery shopping (I think there's a frugal cooks board or something to).
Write down every penny you spend for a week or a month. You may discover that money is leaking out that you don't even realize. Also check the book, "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" out of the library--I love it, I read it over and over and learn something new and get good ideas every time.
Also, write down everything you owe, your monthly payments on everything (including gas electric, etc.). Write down your monthly income. Then prioritize, and make sure you're paying the bills that are most crucial (for me, it's mortgage first, then utilities and so on, then important but optional items like phone, Internet, etc., and finally food and clothes--I have lots of food in the pantry and clothes in my wardrobe, and there are always food kitchens if it gets desparate). For the items that are left, look for creative ways of making up the difference.
One thing dh did during the worst crisis for us was he went and got a part-time job just to bring in a few bucks. It wasn't in his field, and it wasn't fun, but it was an extra paycheck. If you keep the daycare, it might be a good idea to look for something he can do while the kids are in daycare. Or he could look at a paper or bus route or something similar that would happen while you were at home. Waiting tables is always a relatively lucrative option.
I have always been a stay-at-home parent, but after dh got his poorly paying job, to scrape by I took a job waiting tables in a bar at night while he was home with the kids. It wasn't fun but it did the job and kept us from going under until he got a promotion and big raise many long months later.
I can't advise at all on bankruptcy, except to say that it has its dangers. Especially since you have a second mortgage--it seems like you could easily lose your house, and then you'll have the expense of moving and paying rent every month with nothing to show for it. But of course the folks on the bankruptcy board can help you with those details and that decision. Just be careful! :)
I think that's as much as my kids are going to let me type right now.
Keep plugging. This will not last forever. Even if it does come to bankruptcy, it's not the end of the world. You are not your money, and you are not your debts. Tap into who you are, remind yourself of your accomplishments (your children, your activities, your marriage, your friendships and your contributions to your community, to name a few places to look). Remember that this will pass, and the only thing you have to worry about is how well you conduct yourself through it. The universe will take care of the rest.
Many blessings,
Heather
Heather - Thank you so much for your reply. And yes, I am always inspired when I read your posts. :)
Things are still shaky - DH is working a side job (cash) for a friend in construction today, hopefully that will last and he can keep doing it on days that he doesn't have the kids. As far as pulling the kids from daycare, those are the only days that he can work side jobs and pound the pavement for something permanent so we don't want to do that yet. I am still optimistic that things will work out. I don't know why, considering I had to take my van in for brakes today - $295. Ouch! But we live 30 minutes from everything except my kids' schools. I have to have a vehicle. We are going to look into selling one of the cars, except I think the difference between what we can get and what we owe will be more like a couple thousand.
I will definitely sit and go through the budget to see what can be cut. I have been pretty good about tracking my spending and keeping everything on a spreadsheet since I began lurking on this board about a year ago. The biggest problem is that over $1000/month is just for minimums on debt. Not much to cut there, we don't spend much besides that (if only DH would quit smoking.) We rarely eat out, I bring my lunch to work nearly every day, I have a gas card through work, so we only pay for gas in his car. Our internet is still free (trial with computer), our cell phones are through work, and I am not ready to give up the satellite yet, we get no channels without it and it is really our only means of entertainment. Obviously if things don't pick up soon, I will do it. But we never go to the movies, out to dinner or anyplace else (except our kids' sports)
I was a waitress for years, I know the money is excellent. It would be very easy to get a waitressing job for me, but I work 40 hours right now (I make pretty good money and my job is very flexible) and with 3 kids at home, I'm just not ready to go back to 2 jobs. As long as he can keep working side jobs - or if he ends up getting unemployment - I can avoid that. I did love waitressing - i worked in the restaurant business for about 18 years (and I'm only 33 - I started young.) But the hours are killer and I don't want to miss out on my kids' things.
I am keeping up on the mortgage - actually everything is still pretty current, except our big cc bill. That has to be my last priority right now, after everything else is paid. I just don't know how long I can keep up on other things.
Thank you so much for your advice! I will take a closer look at the budget like you suggested and see what I can do.
Lisa