DH Does not get it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
DH Does not get it!
1
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 10:27am

My Dh (and not darling at the moment) just does not get the debt we have. In 12 months it has jumped to $16000. I want to get out of debt, he wants to live his life buying what he wants and living care free.

Friday, he asks me for money. I give him $20 and say thats it to next weeks payday. The next morning I ask him to run to the store and he asks for more money. I say I told you that was it. He says well I spent that at the bar on Friday night. I explain once again. I am sorry thats it, all we had, you need to pack lunches for the week. And you really need to prioritize your spending.

Saturday morning, I show him the budget, all the debt, and how very little money we really have. We discuss selling a few items, working overtime to be able to snowball, and of course that we have to stop spending. He says "Whats the point to work to pay off this debt to just go out and spend it again." I said we are not spending anymore, and he says "Whats the point of living?"

Monday AM, I am in bed and he asks for money. At this point I get nasty, Hello this is the third time I have said we have no money. You spent it at the bar on Friday.

What can I do to get him to understand? Two years ago we refinanced the house to pay off a truck we did not need, but its a status thing to him, and credit cards. Now we are back in the same situation.

Shannon


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 11:11am

Boy, can I relate!

I am just a lurker but I just have to tell you - your DH sounds like mine. A few years ago (2001ish), he went absolutely nuts - my schedule was where I worked from home on Fridays - we rode in together the rest of the week and have two kids to pick up from daycare so Friday was his only opportunity to go drinking with his friends but he more than made up for the rest of the week! One time I went and found him at a bar and he was just picking up the tab for about 10 of his closest friends - the bar tab looked like my weekly grocery receipt! I didn't even know about this credit card he was charging it on! As a matter of fact, I had kinda been going nuts myself buying new furniture and stuff but that was stuff we talked about together and had restructured and I had a plan to pay it off.
Well, I could go on and on but after a separation, a job loss and a move, living in a dump for nine months and saving voraciously while we built a new house, he is growing complacent again (we've been here about a year and a half now). It's like if he doesn't have a 'reason' to save money, then he just goes crazy.
I just got an email the other day saying he has earned 722 miles on a credit card (yes, the one I didn't know about) we are still paying off (had less than 10K on it when I checked credit report in April). So he's using it again. But if I confront him, it's like 'Why should I work?' and 'You can't take it with you', 'It's only money' and crap like that.
I don't know if I can help, I thought we had managed to come out of this but I guess we are back in it again, but I do understand your frustrations and how hard it can be living with a spouse with totally different attitudes about money. I used to think we just didn't make enough but we have been everywhere on the 'income class' spectrum in our marriage and the worst times were when we were both 'highly paid'. Go figure....