I'm new here and need advice
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I'm new here and need advice
| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 1:04pm |
Hi, I've been married for 13 years. My husband quit his high paying job of 11 years last summer to persue his dream of being a successful realtor. He withdrew his 401K for us to live off of. After six months he had spent all of that getting started with his business and I wasn't making enough money to pay all the bills. The only thing for us to do was to sell our home. We moved our two kids to another state (where his family lives)and I left my family behind. We made a nice sum of money from selling our home so he promised that he would work part time and persue real estate in the new state. It's been 4 months, he never got a part time job because he needed to take classes here and he's had some not so great leads. We're back to not having any money and on the brink of not being able to pay the mortgage. I asked him to please get another job until real estate takes off. He doesn't want to do that because he won't be able to focus on real estate...the kids are out of school and he doesn't want me to work becuase he won't be able to go to his classes. I do not want to move the boys again and of course his solution is to sell our home and live with his parents...that's not an option for me. I'm lost as to what I should do. I feel like packing up and leaving him.

Wow... sounds like dh needs a reality check. I don't have much advice, just hugs. You seem to really need them.
I try not to be harsh or judgemental, but honestly... what is he thinking????
He was making a good living, had money in the bank, traded it all for a dream which he hasn't made good on in the course of a year. Spent every penny of a 401k AND the profit on a home sale... and still can't make ends meet with his real estate career... won't take a part-time job because it will interfere with his non-paying "dream" job. He has two young sons and a wife, and won't even let his wife go to work to support the family. His solution is to move in with his family? This kid needs to grow up.
That kind of behavior may be acceptable for 20-something singles, if their parents put up with it, but totally unacceptable for the married-with-kids set.
Okay... I'm calm now LOL.
Some thoughts that might actually be helpful (instead of just ranting)... How about if one of you gets a night/weekend job? I did this when we were desperately poor and not able to pay our bills. It allowed dh to work his day job while I was home with the kids, and me to make money while he was home with the kids. He could do his dream thing during the day and you could make some money at night.
Have you sat down with him and looked at the budget? Have you talked candidly with the children about what's going on and asked them what they want? Make sure dh is present, so he can hear their sweet little voices saying they don't want to have to move again.
Other things you can do are to look at your budget and see if you can cut back to make your lifestyle fit within your meager budget. Folks on this board have great suggestions for cutting back--you might be amazed at how little you can live on if you look around.
It sounds like dh wants the dream without making sacrifices, but you're all going to have to make some sacrifices somewhere if it's going to work.
Keep posting here for great suggestions and lots of loving encouragement. You're on the right track to be tackling this problem now and not after you've moved (again) and dug yourselves an even deeper hole.
Good luck and blessings,
Heather
It sounds like DH doesn't want to hear you and will come up with lots of reasons to keep things as they are.
I would probably just get a job and if DH won't watch the kids then find a relative or neighbor who will. You are not asking anything unreasonable. I wouldn't blame you for leaving him.
Good luck and I hope it works out!
Sandra
Hi Heather! I rarely post on this board, but have been somewhat of a long-time lurker. I'm in total agreement with you especially in trying not to be harsh or judgemental. But some posters like this one make me think ugly thoughts and so I walk away (so to speak) and most posters like you will have said what I would have wanted without being mean. Thank you and keep up the good work.
P.S. - to the OP, I hope I didn't offend you in any way, if I did, I'm sorry, but please listen to Heather and trust me you and yours will be in my prayers.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Must be hard on your husband as well. A piece of advise though as I always somewhat of a draw to the Real Estate industry as well. I just started doing real estate PART TIME. It is something that you can do on nights and weekends and work from your home. I'm an accountant by day and realtor by night. :-) Really though in my experience he needs to become an LPA (licensed practicing assistant) for a good realtor in town which is what I have done. An experienced realtor can show him the ropes and give him some leads. Now, I'll say again that this is something I think he should do part time until he gets quite a few deals done and has a lot of refferals coming in. It takes time to really get going at the beginnning of a real estate career. I think that's why it's best suited in the beginning for a single person or part time. You should really talk him into doing it part time and possibly you helping his business out during the day as it's something you can do from home as long as you have a computer and a phone. That's what my wife and I are doing. No reason to give up his dream....I just think it should be a part time dream for the moment. Just suggest it could be a full time dream once business is going well.
PS-Is it ok that I'm a guy and writing on this board? :-)