OT: reclaiming your life

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
OT: reclaiming your life
3
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 4:42pm
I'm going through a thing...maybe you guys can help me figure some stuff out. I have been living my life for my kids since my oldest was born eight years ago. I have never put either of them in daycare. And when dd was diagnosed with autism, I had no problem giving up college so that we could move across the country to get her the best treatment. I also decided that i would not go to school during the first few years of her therapy, because it would take away from my ability to focus on getting her what she needs. Now i am at a point in my life where I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't be doing more of what i need to do for myself. For one thing, I want to get braces..my teeth are terrible looking and a source of embarrassment for me. Also, I am only a couple classes away from an associate's degree, and I am thinking about going pre-law after all (at this rate, my kids will be nearing high school age before I graduate.) On some days, i am like I am only 28, on other days I am like Oh my God, I am already 28!!! I don't know if this makes any sense, but what i do know is that I need to make some changes in my life. I'm working hard to get things under control debt-wise..at the current rate, we will be cc debt free in three years. But this is without my taking on other expenses... I've been working at the same job for eight years stocking shelves and such (because opportunities are limited with the hours i am available to work). I don't want to say that i've worked there 15 years, etc. Oh, one more thing. I homeschool my oldest daughter..my going back to school would require that i send her back to school..I'm checking into getting her into a gifted program. I just don't know...maybe my expectations are too high or my priorities are skewed. Any thoughts???
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 8:22pm

Hi there! :-D

I think many Moms feel the same way at some point. I don't think it matters whether one is a stay-home Mom or a work-from-home Mom or a work-outside-the-home Mom. It's very easy to feel like you've lost yourself while trying so hard to put your children's (and sometimes your significant other's) needs first.

I know I felt this way once or twice during the last school year when my husband was traveling a great deal (home maybe one or two days a month), and I was homeschooling our son all day, taking him to train for karate tournaments each night, and filling in any available snippets of time with dealing with household things like bills, paperwork, yardwork, cleaning, doctor's visits, errands, etc. We have no family within 900 miles of us, and there was no way I could take a break from being a constant caregiver. Before long, I felt like a big ol' "Mommy Blob". Like I told my husband, "I'm STILL myself....I'm a real person, and I've been taking care of everyone else so much that I'm starting to forget who I am anymore!" I've been trying to find little bits of time to make "mine" each day, just so I don't feel so lost in Mommy mode all the time. I go to bed a little later and get up a little bit earlier just to get in this time. It's really helped me to have time to think about my life and where I want to be in one year, five years, etc.

Do you have a dental plan that would cover orthodontics or any other work you might want done? Maybe you could just take the first step of having a first appointment to discuss what work you might want/need done, and then set up a payment plan with the doctor to slowly get it done over time. I know when I had my braces as a teenager, my parents couldn't afford the $3000 it was going to cost (I had to have upper/lower braces, headgear, rubberbands, bite plane, and retainers--the works :-D), so they paid something like $50 a month to get the work done. As they got extra money (tax refunds, etc), they would pay a little bit more to the tab to help pay it off a little faster. Maybe something like this would work for you?

I wish you so much luck in dealing with the Mommy-blahs. Just know that you're not alone. :-D

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 9:14pm

Hi there,

I'm not really into astrology, but when I was your age and life was crazy, I found it interesting to read about the "Saturn Return" which happens at age 28-30. A time of reflection, lots of change, new directions, etc.

Here's a link to one article: www.newage-directory.com/saturn.html. Lots more on the web with a Google search. Happy reading!

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 5:50pm
Hey, thanks.
what a difference a week makes. I'm thinking a little more clearly this week :) I sent for my college transcripts, I've sent for info about law school, I've started trying to narrow down what i want to do. For me, getting braces and re-enrolling in school, even if part-time, are priorities. My oldest dd is being tested for a gifted program next week. There has been movement towards starting to make things happen. i battle with depression. I've had a heart to heart with my husband. He is behind me 100%. My life needs to have meaning. Oh, it DOES have meaning already, my kids NEED me, my youngest daughter needs me in a way many other parents never experience because of the fact that it is almost inevitable that she will need extra support throughout her lifetime. This is a long long road, i need to be careful of burnout. Anyhow, I thannk you both for your words of encouragement. It may not be so hopeless after all :) Heather