Family money issues
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| Fri, 06-03-2005 - 3:21pm |
I've been married almost two years, and DH and I just moved from Massachusetts to Maryland. In Mass., we kept everything separate, but opened a joint bank account for paying the mortgage and utilities.
Down here, we decided to put all of our vehicles on one multi-vehicle insurance policy. I have one new car, he has an old car, a truck, a corvette in pieces, and a motorcycle. With the multi-car discount, my insurance was $286 every six months, MUCH better than the $135/month I was paying in Taxachusetts.
He still hasn't gotten his act together to get his new Maryland plates and turn his old ones in to Mass. I have. I had to take time off work, unpaid, and sit for three hours on two separate occassions at the registry to get my license and plates. It was not pleasant, but I did it.
Now I've gotten a revised insurance bill; my insurance will be $56 more every six months because I'm not on a multi-car policy, since DH never got his MD plates or license. I told him that I thought he should pay that, because it's not my fault he didn't get his cars on the policy. He reacted Overly Strongly! I totally hit a button or something, because he claimed I'm "Always" trying to place blame and get out of paying for things! I kept my cool, and left the room.
I came back a little while later and asked him what the blow-up was really about. He said I should just pay the $56 because I'm better off than I was in Massachusetts! Then he started with the, "What do you want, twenty bucks? Here!" and starts rummaging through his pockets. I said no, that's not what I want. He said what, a hundred bucks? and I calmly said no, I want you to pay the $56 my insurance just went up because you didn't get your cars put on the policy like you said you would. I told him that if I caused our insurance to go up for some reason, like a ticket or something, that I would feel responsible, and would pay the difference. Then I reminded him that for 2 of the 4 years he owned his house, I paid half the mortgage payments, and also built a $20K retirement plan for *us*. I didn't even get to remind him that I convinced him, after reading stories on this board, that he could refinance his house and pay off all his divorce debt, about $20K. I said it all without bitterness, or any negative feelings. Just a reminder. He later thanked me and affirmed that I am pulling my own weight.
People get really weird about money. But I kept doing the next right thing, and was blessed with Grace to handle the situation.
Bottom line is, my insurance is far less than it was before, and I was able to cancel my Massachusetts insurance policy today because I turned my plates in on May 24.
Lee Ann

Thanks Scorned, no offense taken.
I, like you, lost a lot due to divorce. And my best friend lost even more in her divorce. It's sad but true that we have to keep one eye on that fact when we're supposed to be enjoying and building new lives.
I think DH and I are equally irresponsible with money, just in different ways and at different times. We both go through spurts of trying to be better, and I'm waiting for the day when we're both doing better at the same time ;-)
I'm pretty sure that my retirement fund from before we were married would remain mine in the event of a split, but I know that the funds I've invested since our marriage would have to be shared. The laws that were put in place to protect non-working women from abandonment has turned around to bite us in the butt!
I'd love to sit down and talk with DH about our finances. We say every week that we're going to, then 'something comes up'. But as I sit here wringing my hands thinking about it, we're just going to have to 'do it'. He's out of town quite often, and will be too wiped out tonight after driving back from Massachusetts, then tomorrow night I have an important meeting that I don't want to miss, and Wednesday night we have a dance lesson, and Thursday night he goes bicycling, so Friday night looks like the night, because instead of leaving Friday night for Massachusetts, he's going to wait until very early Saturday morning. It should be his last weekend up there though, fingers crossed.
Have a great day,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann
www.werenotafraid.com
The laws that were put in place to protect non-working women from abandonment has turned around to bite us in the butt!
Ya think? You could protect yourself too--"prenup"--there are laws to protect everyone's investments if you should choose to do so.
Edited 6/7/2005 10:43 am ET ET by weenjen
Yes, tonight is financial discussion night, even though it's his birthday.
He's having quite a few 'man moments' lately; we discuss something, agree to it, and he either can't remember it, remembers it differently, or actually had a 'false memory' the other day, claiming I said something that I never ever would have said!
Patience, patience....
Lee Ann
Lee Ann
www.werenotafraid.com
Lee Ann
www.werenotafraid.com