Mom is sabotaging my budget!
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| Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:16pm |
I moved to a big city almost a year ago and my mom is coming to visit this week. She is staying for an entire week, which she invited herself for. She insists on staying at my apt, as I am staying with my boyfriend right now. She is treating my apt as a hotel room which means I need to stock it with TP, drinks, food, etc. She said she "doesn't have much money" and is only bringing $100 for spending money for an entire week of food, train rides and entertainment. She was upset that I haven't installed the air conditioner at my place, and that I took the computer out. That is because I am not staying there now! (I just have to pay the rest of my lease, which is through July, don't want to break lease).
I am on a very tight budget, and am saving up to move into a bigger apt with my BF in August. I do not have the money to spend on dinners out, things to do, etc.
I told her I would probably need to make dinners like hot dogs on the grill, etc, to keep it inexpensive. She said she would rather "starve than eat hot dogs". Can you beleive this??
Not to mention I feel like I need to entertain her every need, and I am very busy with work and between appointments with rental agents to see apartments.
How can I stay on budget when she is sabotaging me!!??
Any advice would be helpful, this is a stressful situation!
Cheryl

I know this is kind of off the cuff, but I come from a family (including inlaws) that use our home as a hotel during each visit. They sit on the couch and expect me to wait on them, bring meals to them, etc. I am to be their driver, their social director, their personal accountant for everything during their stay. After a few years of this, I got sick of it, and I now make sure that there are clean linens and towels, and beyond that, I fix what I normal fix for my family, we eat only at the table, and if they don't come to the table, they don't eat.
If my Mom had said she'd rather starve than eat hotdogs, my response would have been, "Guess you'll be starving then..." and I'd leave it at that.
I've just had too many years of family trying to boss me around and disrespect me during their visits. Needless to say, now that I don't give in anymore, their visits have become much less frequent. My inlaws haven't come in over a year, and my parents also haven't come in a year...but when they do, they wait to see what I'm having for dinner, and if they dont like it, they offer to buy everyone pizza instead. I can deal with that. :-D
Good Luck! Just focus on your budget goals and be as firm as you're comfortable being with your Mom. I know it's hard to stand up to parents sometimes. The guilt can be pretty icky. Like I said, it took me years to be able to do it.
Hugs,
Pat
I hear ya. I guess it's just that my mom doesn't work, only collects a very small social security check, and has been having financial problems for as long as I can remember. So she certainly won't be treating for anything. It's just so annoying. The only reason she is staying a full week is that it was cheaper for her when she bought the ticket, so she extended it a few days. Well that only costs ME more in the long run. I don't even go out to eat with my BF, let alone provide for her for a week. And she refuses to eat the things we eat, so it makes it all the more difficult.
Thanks for the advice though!!!
Cheryl
The only reason she wants to visit here is that she hasn't been to this city yet. I was just home for Easter, so theres no reason for me to go out there, not to mention that I don't have the time or the money to be vacationing, which is why I am not. She is coming out here and relying on me when she knows I am trying very hard to make my life better and looking for apartments.
Hey Cher - sounds like it may be a bit of a stressful time when she visits.
All my best,
Danni
All my best,
Danni
Dear Cher,
Here's my take.....
Decide how much you can spend on your mother's visit and divide by 7 for 7 days of the week. If it is $5 a day, then fine. When she says she wants to go out, you tell her "I have $5 to spend today." Then you can suggest an activity or a meal that $5 will cover that day. I have to do that with my family because they want to spend my money, and when I used to have it then it was fine, but now that I am watching what I spend, I have to budget with everything I do. If the $5 is not satisfactory to your mother, then you say, "well, that's what I have today. I guess we'll stay home and do a free activity (watch TV,talk, go for a walk, clean the bathroom, read the newspaper, play cards, make brownies)." I suggest that YOU always suggest an activity because that will keep YOU in control of the visit.
Best of luck! Littlesbigs