Hate this so much!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Hate this so much!!
4
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:03pm
I know there is another board for this issue, but I'm here just the same. I just get so frustrated sometimes with finances. My ex is $2000 in arrears in child support, and I am a single mom, and I basically pay for everything for the kids. Even when my ex pays child support, it isn't very much, it covers maybe school lunches at best. He hasn't made a payment in over a month now either because he changed jobs and it takes the beauracrats at the child support office forever to get another garnishment in the works. I am just so tired of it. Even when we were together I paid for everything. Birthday parties, X-mas gifts (even for HIS family) all the holidays. I took out student loans to put myself through school and we lived off that money when he wasn't working and we weren't able to make it on my income alone. So now, I have massive student loan debt. We lived off credit cards when I was in school, of course they were in my name, so I had all the debt, and he got to come along for the ride. I filed for bankruptcy because I had about $25,000 in credit card debt and medical bills, that I couldn't afford to pay. I am slowing re-establishing my credit, and have managed to save money in a CD, a savings account, and I have $4500 in a retirement account. WAY more assets than when I was with him. Which I am proud about. I never would have been able to do that if I was still with him and basically supporting him. So the child support thing really shouldn't suprise me any because this is his signature behavior. I know I can't change him and that I am doing much better now, than I would've been if I had stayed with him, but it is just frustrating. I feel like their is only so much that I can DO for my kids. I pay for their food, clothes, housing, medical and dental care, vacations, extra cirricular activities, school expenses, child care, birthday parties, everthing! I am sick of him being let off the hook. I have over $60,000 in student loan debt, $1,500 in credit card debt, $1,400 in nursing loans, $2,600 for a personal loan, $15,000 mobile home loan. I feel like this is all my life will be about is pay pay pay. I would feel better if he would at least pay off his arrears, then I could pay off my credit card debt with that or my nursing loan. I am just frustrated by all of this. Thanks for the vent and for listening!
Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 1:26am
((((hugs))))

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 9:04am

Just wanted to say you sound like a great mom, and very responsible- hey you got your degreee, he can't take that from you. And you have started the cd and retirement, you should be proud. Just keep being a great mom and don't focus on the debt...... it will get better, and it sounds like you are much better off already not being with him .

Good luck
Shannon

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:04am

Hang in there. Take it day by day.

MYM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 3:19pm
Thanks to all who posted. I appreciate the support and the kind words. Its nice to hear feedback; some days are worse than others; today is good; I do have alot to be proud of; I have come along way since my days with him. I think at this point; the less I have to see him or talk to him the better. I know he won't change on my account; if he was going to he would have already. I just feel bad that the kids have to be affected by all of this; and part of my debt is probably out of guilt; and I know I need to work on that, but like you all said; outlook and taking things day by day; and things will hopefully get better. I doubt things will ever improve with my ex, but how I react to him can change; and I have felt more in control of my life these past two years away from him than I ever have, and that is nothing for me to shug at. Thanks so much for your support!