He is in his mood again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
He is in his mood again!
4
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 9:51am

My DH (and not darling today) is in a tiff. He just does not get that we need to get out of debt and save money. He sees no point to working if we are not going to spend the money. Last night we are sitting at dinner. He is selling one of the fourwheelers, but he says "I am not giving you the money cause you just pay it all on a credit card." Well yeah, because you already spent the money else where and we OWE THEM THE MONEY!

And then says well "I spent $7 on a drink & a bag of chips at the convenience store". I give him the look, and he says the whole "I needed" speech, and of course I give the you need to take lunch and drinks with you to work. This really is a huge deal since I actually sell bottles of purified water, and we have an unlimited supply at the house.

How do you all deal with the partners that think getting out of debt and saving is the enemy? Do you have the same arguments?

Shannon

Shannon


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 1:08pm

Oh Shannon, I feel for you. My dh is a recovering alcoholic and part of the reason we have cc debt is b/c he used to charge beer and junk food on our card all the time, i would never know how much it would be each month, 20 turns into 100 turns into 500. Luckily he is on board now, sometimes he thinks we need something right away and buys it but mostly he realizes that we can't do that. What if you sat down and showed him how much interest you pay on the cards and how long it really will take to pay each one off and how much money you would have to spend on other things instead of giving away to the credit card company, if you paid cash for everything once saving up for it Or show him if you made an extra payment towards the principal each month you could pay your mortgage off by years. I think it was if you made as much as 200 a month extra (based on a 100,000 mortgage which of course noone has these days) you could pay it off 14 years early!!!!!!! $20 pays it off 3 years early, 100 pays it off 9.8 years early.
It used to be taht i thought more like your husband, i paid the necessary bills and then whatever was left over i thought i could spend. Now since i'm staying home with the kids, my mindset is, pay the bills and whatever is left over (if there is any, LOL) pay towards future bills so they are out of the way, or hold on to tight for future bills. My dh is self employed so income flucuates and i just never know what might be around the corner, he might have a job that lasts for awhile and i might have to go a few weeks with no new checks until the job is done.
I'm just throwing things out to you as ideas , by no means have i figured this all out. I know how it should be but it is taking awhile to get there. I never got anywhere when I used to yell at dh for charging on the cards, so then for a long time i just didn't say anything, luckily now we communicate but i find he still doesn't like to know too much of the details for the money, he just needs to know how much he needs to make and that's all he really wants to know. But he isn't charging anymore thank goodness, however he does have the debit card which he uses for things like drinks at the conveniance store and stuff, i can't keep enough drinks in this house. I'm envious that you have unlimited bottled water, that is cool! We can go through a case of it in 3 days!

Hang in there, if my dh can change, anyones can!
Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 1:29pm

Hello Shannon,

The bottom line is my husband and I are way different people... I don't think he will ever get it. Honestly, I lie to about interest on the credit cards. I know bad... but we don't oay any, and if he thought it was free money he would just pay the minimum and we would be playing the balance transfer game for ever.

He wants nothing to do with money. He thinks life would be just peachy if they did away with it.

Where do you live? I am a sahm during the day and work evenings.

The water is a real nice perk. Do you have well water or city water?

Shannon

Shannon


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 5:04pm

Just some random thoughts, don't know if any of these will work:

1. Is there some place both of you can go for debt counseling at a reasonalbe rate? Maybe a 3rd party can convince him that he needs to take responsibility of his spending?

2. How about not carrying credit cards and set an allowance for each of you as "pocket money"? He can spend it however he wants but when it is gone, it is gone! For example, if each of you get, say, $50 a month on "wants" rather than "needs". He can choose to spend it all on chips and drinks, or for the same amount, he can get 3 or 4 really cool CDs. It may teach him how to prioritize things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 2:14am
Hi,
I totally sympathize with you. My husband gets social security of 750.00 per month, BUT, that is HIS money -- none of it seems to go for our bills, that is up to my salary. It is really hard. I do think the idea of an allowance for him and for me (?) would be a good idea. He cannot account for the 750.00 per month he spends. He says it's for gas for the car, but no car could use 750.00 per month (I hope).
Maybe if you asked him how the bills would be paid if neither of you were working, it might wake him up. It did me. I cannot retire because I HAVE to get the 40,000.00 in credit card debt down to zero. I could never make payments on the retirement I am likely to have.
Would he be willing to commit a certain amount a month just to go for debt? I think I may have finally talked my husband into 200.00 per month of HIS money for our debt. Hopefully he won't whine too much about it.
Hang in there.
Isn't this board a help?!!!
Megan