Saturday afternoon
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| Sat, 07-30-2005 - 3:04pm |
One one hand, this is bad. On the other hand, this has to be done.
I'm a bit upset, so please pardon me............
One of my nieces is going thru extensive orthodontic work, and she is only halfway done. Those of us who have been thru this KNOW you MUST finish the work once it is started. Halfway done is no good and can be very damaging if it is not completed. I don't exactly know the entire story yet about the orthodontist stopping work on her because of non-payment for 2 years(I'll find out more tomorrow), but her father was supposed to be paying the doctor, but he won't. He won't because he is spending his money on Ebay and pornography, and I won't go into the whole story on him, but he thinks he can get away with pulling things (non-payments)on people he does business with. It's all starting to catch up to him now, and it's a shame how this is hurting his family. (the cops have already come to house once to make him pay for a year-old bounced check else he'd go to jail) He doesn't think they know what he is doing, but computers do have a history file you can check on to find out what's been looked at online, etc. so that's how we found out about Ebay and the porn and other stuff he's been doing.
I love her mother, but she has absolutely NO sense with money. None. Never has. And I can't talk to her about money habits or anything because she thinks I have a superiority complex and starts yelling at me. Really, I've been waiting for them to hit rock bottom and hoping I can see them spring up, rebound, begin to live again. (They think bankruptcy will do that for them.....I'm afraid they won't learn from it.)
Well, now this is a direct hit on a young girl who I love, and I just can't stand for it to happen. The bill is $2800 that has not been paid, and it is accuing interest as well. I've made a decision to help pay for the doctor. I'll "donate" $100 a month which isn't easy in my current financial condition. I'm not expecting to pay the whole bill or even half. Her mother is going to assume "responsibility" for the bill instead of having the father deal with this, but I am going to demand proof she is making payments because I've helped her in the past a couple times, and she just never seemed to learn from the experience......adding insult to injury, I'd help her with her phone bill, but a couple months later it would get turned off again anyway. I don't want to feel I am being taken advantage of, but I really feel sick when I think of where my niece is in her treatment and how damaging the end of treatment would be now. She's a kid. She should not suffer because her parents are irresponsible....especially something like this. (This isn't like not having a new outfit or a toy....health is so important!)
Well, I know that my debt reduction efforts are going to be hindered by this which upsets me, but I feel it is the right thing to do for my niece.
I know I'm sounding a bit judgemental here about them, but I just hate seeing this going on, and I hate seeing kids get hurt in a very real and personal way.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am really upset.......and I used better language here than in my journal.....
Littlesbigs

Oh how awful!!!!
I know we are going to have to see the orthodontist soon and if I *have* to I will put DD's work on the credit card rather than not get it done.
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
I agree with Becky-if you're going to help out, send the payments directly to the orthodontist to make sure that the payment goes to where it needs to go. Having gone through many many years of braces, headgear,& stupid retainers myself, I know that it would have been really hard to have to get them taken off halfway through my treatment (or torture, depending on how tight my braces were, lol).
I know your mind is made up, but you have to know that you can change it at ANY time you want. It's hard watching a train wreck in progress, especially when there are innocents involved. But you also have to think of your own well-being, and it doesn't sound like your BIL(?)is very responsible with, well, much, and your good intentions may cause him to think that you're going to give money whenever the kids are involved, and that might not be a good precedent.
I'll think plenty of good thoughts your way that this can be resolved in a way that's beneficial to EVERYONE involved-
Lisa
Dear Becky,
I wouldn't dream of not mailing the money directly to the doctor. I have that information.
I'll be getting more information about the whole situation later today when I have a visit with her mother. I'm sure she'll be mad at me when I ask certain questions of her, but I'm going to risk it....after all, this my money.
She's starting a new job this week, and it will be the first time she has worked full-time in many years, but I do worry that it won't last long because she is already complaining about the hours, but I told her to just bite the bullet. She needs the money for this doctor bill. I really hope she sticks with the job, but given her work history, I worry she will quit or go back to part-time at the first instance that she has a conflict.
I just need to know those braces are staying on...and she continues to get treatment.
Littlesbigs
Dear Lisa,
Thank you for the postive thoughts! I really need them to handle the situation: I am trying to keep calm dealing with this.
I am worried about setting a precedent, so I have been considering how to handle this carefully. I used to help out with school clothes at the beginning of every school year and summer clothes, but then is got to a point where when the kids saw me they expected to go shoppping, so I had to quit that. As it is, when I do see them, there are expectations of gifts, even the most nominal of gifts every time. I liked giving them stuff until it became a prerequisite to a visit. And I thought my gifts were helping them, but then I realized that they weren't using them to do better...they just kept doing the same bad habits anyway and expected the gravy train to keep arriving.....
Now when I see them, if I bring gifts then they are things already in my house. (when I am collecting things from a housecleaning purge)
I know I have to be careful what I do, but I need to know my niece's treatment is completed. I'm really upset that money that should go for her health is being spent on porn and sports cards on Ebay by her father.....and her mother wasn't paying attention to this problem with the orthodontist until now.
Littlesbigs