My "lightbulb" moment
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| Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:01am |
Well last night DH and I had a "lightbulb" moment. I was going through quicken and it hit me. We have spent over $12000 since Feb. I had just been looking at the total of how much we owed to visa, not how much we had also paid visa. The balance was at around $500 back in Feb and now it is close to $6000 and that includes the $6000 we have paid them. I started trying to pinpoint exactly where we spent that money and I can only put my finger on about $1500 of that $12000.
Well, needless to say, DH was shocked. But, it also pulled his head out of the sand. We sat down and had the money discussion that I had been wanting to have. I had been so mad lately because everytime I would try and talk about money issues, it would seem like I was getting through to him and he understood what I was saying and then a day or two later, he would be out spending money. A good example is his nicotine replacement gum. No he isn't a smoker he's a (reformed?)dipper. I asked him how many pieces he chew in a day. He said 10 to 14. Well at that rate the size box I buy him should last at least two weeks. But, no I have been running to the store once a week for the last at least six months buying the stuff for him. If he could get a box to last two weeks that would save $80 a month. I wish he would quit chewing it all together because he has been using it for over a year (closer to 18 months I think) but it is better for his health than the dip and that is a whole other issue. He promised me when I started buying him the bigger box he would make it last two weeks but, no it hasn't happened and if he gets low on gum rather than rationing what he has left, it becomes well, just charge it.
Other bad habits we have picked up, ones I want to change but he didn't think were that bad until last night, are eating out and wandering around stores. THe more you wander around a store the more you spend. I have pointed it out to him more than once and he tells me I am treating him like a child. Well, yeah I am because he is acting like a child. He goes in a store sees something he likes and has to have it now and gets upset when I tell him it will have to wait because we really can't afford it. I go to a store get the items on my list and walk out. I can't take him or DD because they are the same way. Things I wasn't planning on end up in the cart. DD is just trying to help and feel like a big girl, I don't know what DH's excuse is. (BTW I say "I" buy everything, because DH rarely has time to go the store and asks me to get it for him).
I asked him if everything stemmed from control issues, but he said no. I control the checkbook and approve all cc expenditures because DH wants it that way. He is in the military and could deploy. He wants me to take care of everything so his finances won't be messed up if he suddenly has to leave. But, by doing that he has turned over complete control to me. I have offered to give him some input (have him do the cc statements or reconcile the bank statement) but he turns me down everytime.
Well, lets hope after last night, things get better. With his help I can have the cc's paid off by March and both cars paid off by Sept or Oct 2007. I would love that, especially since my minivan's orginal pay off date is 2009.
Wish me luck and thanks for reading if you have gotten this far. This board has really helped me want to stay on top of my debt! You are all the best.
Kellie

Good Luck!
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
Hello Kellie,
I know it so much easier to get in debt then it is to dig your way out. We also went through a few years of paying, charging, paying, charging... We paid tons towards the debt it just seemed the balance always hung right about the same figure.
I just recently took all the credit cards out of our wallet, locked some away, closed a few, and just cut up others. We are using only debit cards now, and only for "needs", and not "wants". Since we started living on a budget and getting serious about paying our debt our balances have been really dropping.
My husband is also a reformed dipper. He just recently quit. He did not buy the nicorette gum, but quit using regular gum. I am mean, I would tell your husband that Sept 1st is the last nicorette purchase, buy him other types of gum now, and let him start weaning himself to regular gum.
We also ate out a lot. The money we used to spend in restaurants is now my snowflake money. I only go to the store once a week, and only buy what is on my list.
Did we marry the same guy? My husband also really just wants noting to with finances except earning the paycheck? In a way its bad to keep communication when only one of you has the info, but on the other hand if only one of you has control its easy to keep track of the debt & money.
This board has also been a huge help in keeping me on target & accountability. I like that you can ask questions and whatever and not get beat up over your opinions. Not every budgeting idea will work for every person.
Happy.Posting,
Shannon
Shannon
Kellie - congrats - it sounds like you and your dh definitely connected about the money issues.
All my best,
Danni