I'm so sad.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
I'm so sad.......
7
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 10:55am

Hello!!


OK, so I havent even implemented all these chages yet and I'm already getting really sad about it.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:23am

I totally understand what you are saying, and I must say it was something of an adjustment for us as well. What helped us was finding fun things to do together that were inexpensive. My DH loves to play cards, so he taught me how to play cribbage, and that is something we enjoy doing together. We also play board games with our kids, which is always a hoot! We have also taken up fishing as a family. For the price of a dozen worms ($ 1.99) we alway have a enjoyable outing. Sometimes we even dig up our own worms! Which is even cheaper.

We also enjoy going to visit, friends and family. It is something we didn't do very often before, but now try and plan a visit frequently. Often this cost, nothing or only minimal gas money.

I would encourage you to find things to do together that you both enjoy. It makes it much easier to cope in the long run. I also find now that we plan outings to go shopping or out to eat, and I enjoy it far more than when it was just par for the course. Hope this helps.

Hope you find some stratagies that work for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:46am

It can be hard adjusting to a new reality. Give yourself some time to grieve over your old lifestyle.

And keep in mind that this, too, shall pass. Once your finances are in order, you will have two new things to celebrate: a habit of living in moderation, and an ability to pay cash for everything, including entertainment and activities.

I have recently begun eating "mindfully"--meaning that I don't gorge myself all day long on snacks and whatever else I can get my hands on to stuff in my mouth. I have an addiction to food. But I'm slowly breaking it. And what I've discovered is that when I take my time to carefully choose *which* food I'm going to eat and exactly *how much* will satisfy my hunger, and then eat it mindfully, aware that when I'm done I'm not going to just rush on to the "next thing to eat," I actually have found that I enjoy my food more. It took a fair adjustment period before that happened, but now I am happier than ever. Not that I never backslide--don't get me wrong. Two bowls of ice cream instead of lunch *does* still happen sometimes. But I see immediately how I don't feel as good, and don't actually enjoy the ice cream as much as I would have if I had eaten a small salad and a small bowl of ice cream mindfully (by which I mean paying attention to each bite and savoring it on my tongue and in my mouth, instead of just rushing on to the next bite the way I used to).

I think it's the same with money. There is an adjustment period, and then you begin to realize that you enjoy things more when you've carefully prioritized and spent money only on the things that really matter to you, and you begin to appreciate each thing more.

You've gotten some great ideas for spending time with dh. We like games of all sorts. We especially like, believe it or not, role playing games (you know, D&D being the most well-known sort--but there are many variations on the theme, including hi-tech versions, futuristic thingies, fantasy worlds, even some Christian versions). Sadly, they require at least a couple other people to join us, but they are loads of fun, and very inexpensive--once you have a couple handbooks, which you can buy second hand, and a handful of dice, you're all set for as many games as you want to play. Just set out chips and dip or homemade pizza, invite friends, and have a role playing party.

Consider taking up hobbies that will keep you occupied and be useful in some way. For instance, I love to sew; dh likes to work on his inexpensive but high-cool-factor car (a 1974 VW Thing--the German counterpart to the Wrangler, no longer in production). My sewing provides clothing, diapers, home accessories, etc., as well as mending. Dh's auto work means fewer repair bills and the ability to own a low-cost car. All the better if you can find a hobby you'll enjoy together.

Good luck, and good job. It's not easy, but you can feel good knowing you're doing a strong thing.

Blessings,

Heather

Avatar for gidgetgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:26pm

You were dead on with "get creative" and Heather was right in it will take time to adjust to a simpler, yet just as fun, lifestyle!

Some ideas:
-Fall in love with reading again. You and DH could do your own mini-bookclub or you could start one with your friends.
-volunteer together. Nothing makes you more grateful for what you do have.
-budget theaters having a budget night. The budget theater by us has $1 Tuesdays.
-candle-light dinner- cost of candles is minimal and adds much romance,
-go sledding in the winter months. If your parents don't have your old plastic toboggan, a new one is still under $10. It's fun and it's exercise!
- go for walks together. You may have to bundle up more in winter, but still romantic and free.
- game night. For you two, with friends, with family.
- look in the paper at community events. Some are lame (and you and DH can laugh about it after) and some are really good and they can many times be free!

I've found that finding more frugal things to do actually brings DH, DS and I closer together instead of further apart. Movies, meals out and such usually don't build relationships and memories, but trying something new does.

Good luck. I know this isn't easy!!!!

Gidget

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:39pm
The idea about going for walks is great! If I remember correctly, Kim is watch her weight so that will be a bonus.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:42pm

Awww, I know where you are with this, I really really do!

When DH & I went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University last year, and it came time to do a real live budget, I was shocked at how much money we were frittering away. Then, I was even more shocked to see that now I actually had to PLAN for things like insurance, food, gas, and even ENTERTAINMENT!!!! Oh, it was so not a happy happy joy joy time around here for awhile, let me assure you!

I admit, although it pains me to do so, lol, I was in a foul mood after that first budget session. I was not happy that I felt deprived--and we hadn't even implemented the darn budget yet! Oh, I got over it, for the most part, but I still remember how scared I was that we'd never have ANY money or ANY fun ever again. Yes, I was a sulky princess (read: brat) for awhile. But I have to say, it was the right thing to do. (But I *still* hate doing a strict budget, lol)

There's plenty of things other than TV to do. Check out what your library has to offer. I know some of the bigger branches in our system do regular programming, and offer different things to draw patrons in. Get involved with a youth group-goodness knows that would keep anyone from getting bored. I know that when DH & I are done with school, we'll be getting more involved with different committees around town, both within our church and with local government. If that doesn't excite you, do you have hobbies that are inexpensive? Like hiking, or walking, or in-line skating? If needed, get a part-time job. That extra money can help speed up your snowball, and will give you something to do. Just be careful of 'giving' your paycheck back to where you work via employee discounts!

It is important to let yourself grieve for 'how it used to be,' but also realize that how it used to be was painful, but in it's own way. By getting to be debt-free, you will have so many more opportunities to do the things you WANT to do, rather than what you feel you MUST do.

Also, budget in fun money so that you will be able to go out and enjoy life. I like one of Dave Ramsey's sayings about not 'living life in a cave, and only coming out on triple-coupon Thursdays.' That's no way to be, because you will be resentful, which in turn will sabotage your getting out of debt!

Hang in there-it does get better!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:46pm

Thanks everyone for your input!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 3:16pm

ITA with the previous posters. You may also want to check out videos from your local library. That will give you a free movie night and let DH still watch TV. Who knows, you can probably find some movies you haven't watched in years and enjoy them together. On the subject of movies, if you have a university nearby, some of them have film festivals for low cost or free. Some of the larger towns (cities) have free movies in the park sort of things. Libraries also have free movie showings. Check with the library too about book clubs.

What about activities through your place of worship. Activities at community centers are usually free or a nominal fee. Take free classes where you can meet other people your age and find things to do with them. Join a "team in training." Most of them accept walkers and it could be free for you. Generally you raise a certain amount of money for a cause and they provide personal trainers and coaches and group walks/runs for you to meet other people.

The possiblities are endless. You just have to think about what you are going to do now for fun, not what you did in the past. We enjoy going on evening walks as a family. DD has found a friend in our neighborhood and the parents trade off play responsibilties. You only have to be creative.

Good luck and as you see the debt numbers going down instead of up, you will not only be happy instead of sad, you will be estatic.

Kellie