Keeping debt from husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Keeping debt from husband
11
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 11:32am

I wrote back in March about my husband not knowing about some debt. Well, what had happened is he claims expenses and gets reimbursed each month but some months we couldn't afford to pay the entire balance so I paid as much as I could. I had kept his balance from him and finally broke down and told him and promised it would never happen again. He was great and sympathetic.

Well, it has.

His credit card bill is now sitting at $4000.00. I have a mutual fund of about $3000.00 that I could use to pay it off and he wouldn't probably find out. I promised him the first time that I would talk to him if it happened again would never keep something like this from him again. Well, that didn't happen.

I don't know what to do. I'm just sick with guilt and worried he'll leave me.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 11:36am

OK I am a tad confused so let me ask a few questions..

1. Are you not putting the entire expense check on his bill becasue you need part of the money to live off of?

2 Or are you also using the credit card?

Shannon

Shannon


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 11:56am

Sorry:

Yes, some months I am not able to pay his entire amount received from expenses because we do need the money to live on.

I am not using the card.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:07pm

First, we're in a similar situation with the reimbursements and I don't like it at all. I would prefer that DH have a separate checking account that he handles all the business expenses out of (we're talking thousands each month). He's willing to do that as soon as we have about 1,000 on hand to start the account with which makes no sense to me but anyway that's sidetracking.

I would suggest that you talk to your husband, explain that you simply can't handle the bills for his business expenses at this time and ask him to set up an account just for those checks and bills. Then that becomes part of his work routine.

I suggest this in part because I know that in our case sometimes DH forgets a receipt or something and then I wind up paying household money to pay his work expenses. Or, he has a string of tournaments and doesn't file the receipts for reimbursement and wonders why I'm stressed about paying the CC.

I am worried about your concern that he'll leave you. Was he super angry the last time? Is he very on top of things money wise and just doesn't understand?

Taleyna

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:13pm

OK from this date forward, when you receive expense checks it immediately needs to be deposited to your checking account, and a check written to the cc company. Open a seperate checking account if that will keep you from running this money through your household account.

Commit to living within your means. By doing this you need to write a budget and stick with it each month.

Have you started a budget? Are there things you can cut back on or cut out completely. Cancel Cable & cell phones. Stop eating out & buying convenience foods.

List your budget if you would like and maybe we can all help you figure out a plan.

Shannon

Shannon


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:22pm

Taleyna,

My husband was super supportive last time and hugged me and told me I shouldn't have to take this on myself. I promised that I would tell him if it happened again and I have let it slide for about 4 months.

Do you think I should cash in that mutual fund and then start fresh?

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:38pm

Hi there - I would talk to your DH about it and let him know that running the checks through the household accts is not working.

All my best,
Danni

Avatar for mommyof2grlz2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 1:10pm
wow that is not good and believe me the truth will come out eventually. I would rather get it out of the way now. What are you spending the money on? I would be worried about the marriage ending too in fact money issues is one of the main precursors of divorce. I would give him all the credit cards you have and tell him you are going to get some help then offer to pay the 3000 out of your mutual fund that way he will know you are sorryand you are trying. What makes you keep spending even though you know its wrong you need to figure that out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 1:52pm

IMHO, I wouldn't touch the mutual fund. If you do you will be losing out on a lot of compounding interest. If you are using the money to meet monthly household expenses so you don't have to use your cc, then perhaps you and your husband can sit down together and work on a budget. Decide where you can cut back so that you can meet your expenses without having to take money from those checks. Since your husband travels a lot, cutting out the cell phone might not be able to work, but see if there are other areas to cut back.

DH and I recently had to face the same thing. We were using our cc to make ends meet every month. We sat down and looked at our spending since Jan. We determined two things. 1) We spent too much on clothes for our kids and 2) we spent (on average) $110 eating out. Once we figured that out and came up with a workable budget, we locked the cc's away and stopped eating out. We buy easy to fix things for dinners on those days I don't feel like cooking (pizzas, spaghetti sauce, fish sticks, mac and cheese, etc) and stick to lists when we go to the store. I cut coupons and we avoid stores that may be tempting.

One thing you may want to look at doing is stopping contributions to the mutual fund until you get a handle on expenses, but no I wouldn't take what you have already put into it. Just let the money grow until you retire. Once you are making it every month without using the cc (or the expense checks) then you can go back to contributing to it.

But, you do need to talk to your husband. I don't think he will leave you. If he didn't before then I would think he would work it out with you again. Good luck and keep us updated.

BTW, if you did take the money from your mutual fund and he did find out wouldn't he wonder what you used the money for and how can you be sure he wouldn't find out? Just a thought.

Kellie




Edited 8/17/2005 1:54 pm ET ET by t09w
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 2:39pm

Kellie - this is my own mutual fund account from before we were married.

I do have a pension now so the money wouldn't be missed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 4:16pm

Just wanted to say that i understand, my dh has had to buy materials for his job in the past, he would charge them and when he got paid with the material money included, it seemed we always had to use all the money for the bills. Luckily he doesn't have to buy materials often anymore, i could just never keep it straight. I agree with the pp's you need to find out why you are going over budget and make a budget. It shouldn't all be on your shoulders. It doesn't sound like it is all your fault if you aren't spending carelessly and you are only spending the money you need for bills. Hugs to you, i've been there and i understand.

Best of luck
Shannon

Pages