sad story

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
sad story
11
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 1:46pm
I just read a terribly sad story this morning in our local newspaper -- a father killed his wife and 2 daughters (17 and 13 years of age) and then killed himself because the family was "deep in debt". He first called the police to tell them where to find the bodies at home and then killed himself. He left a note detailing his financial problems.
From what I can figure out, he gave no hints to even his closest friends that there was such a problem. The area they lived in is fairly affluent -- and it sounds like even when the finances were on a downward spiral they kept up with the usual activities of people with money - trips -- private schools - major sports activities.They were active in their church and everyone said he was a devoted dad. One of the friends who was interviewed said "Everything is so expensive here. It really is stressful. Everybody I know is having financial problems." I think the police chief missed the point when she "urged rsidents to call the domestic violence group Overcoming Relationship Abuse".
That wasn't the problem DEBT was and fearing to lose standing in the community I think. If only they could have found a place to discuss the problem without feeling ashamed -- thank God for this board.
Megan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 1:58pm

Yes this board is really a great place to come & vent. Its crazy that people let money control their emotions & lives. MOney is never worth a life.

I doubt money was the root of the father's issues. Why would he kill the kids?, they were not in debt just him. And he may of had life insurance and they would have been able to sustain quality life without him. Too bad he was too selfish to just accept that he was not his debt and to start digging out and paying back what he owed.

Shannon

Shannon


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Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 2:04pm

How tragic!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 2:48pm

This is so sad ...

The "keeping up with the Jones" got to stop! Sometimes I have a pang of envy when someone drives by with a shiny new car, but a good friend keeps telling me that half of those people are just one pay check from bankrupcy. Several years ago I worked with a man who makes well over $100,000 a year but he told me his finance was so stretched that he cannot afford not to work even for a month. And on CNN this morning, they said fifty some percent of male and sixty some percent of female college students are carrying credit card debt (already)!

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Registered: 01-25-2005
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 4:42pm

I know, dh and i were just talking about this and he said it is so frustrating to see people driving these beautiful brand new cars and his is old, and why is it everyone is so well off and we are struggling??? I told him that most of them are probably deeply in debt to have those things, hey they have him envying them, right, so they must be cool??? NOt that we don't have debt as well, obviously we do or i woulnd't be here, but i hope to be out someday, and i now know the difference b/n owning something outright and making payments with interest for years and years, and if i had the choice of saving $400 a month and driving an old car, or making payments on a new car, i'd choose to save in a heartbeat!

Shannon

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Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 9:35pm
That is very sad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 10:23am

Great post Shannon!!

I like the saving part also. I almost had a moment of weakness this weak to go trade in my paid for car and get something new. But no way.

Shannon

Shannon


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Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 11:21am
That is so terribly sad!
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Registered: 05-30-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 2:26pm

I'm wondering if he felt like a total failure because, at least in his eyes, he couldn't provide for his family well enough. Probably that feeling of hopelessness, plus the feeling of "oh it's just us, not eveyone else around here" led to him thinking the only choice he had was to end the pain and misery for himself and his family.

That's why, even on my lowest moments, I do know that we'll be fine. We don't talk about what we're doing to other family members or friends, so this is my outlet. Thank goodness for you all!

Lisa

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Registered: 03-22-2005
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 8:09pm

"... and if I had the choice of saving $400 a month and driving an old car, or making payments on a new car, i'd choose to save in a heartbeat!"

I believe they called it delayed gratification.

Along a similar line, I would like to share some numbers related to spending money on children now vs. saving for their college education. This is directed at nobody in particular, but I am just seeing too many people (co-workers, "outlaws", etc.) gotten their priorities backwards. Some of the toys and outfits for little children are so cute and hard to resist, and it is so easy to think that there are grants and scholarships and loans when they are ready to go to college, but the truth is it is getting more difficult. Here are some numbers:

- In 1965, the average amount of Pell Grant covered about 84% of the costs of attending a 4-year public university; in mid-1990, it only covered about 34% of the costs. (Source: American Association of Univeristy Women)

- Between 1992 and 2002, tuition for both public and private univeristy increased 38% (after adjustment for inflation); during the same time, minimum wage, if you adjust for inflation, actually decreased 2.6%. (Source: infoplease.com)

- Today, the average 4-year univeristy graduate carries an average of $18,000 student loan and $3,400 credit card debt. Average total debt = $21,400 (Source: Family Research Council)

It is getting more and more difficult for students to work enough hours to make a significant dent in their tuition; and grants are getting smaller. Parents have a choice to stash away the money for later or indulge it now. For example, if starting from age 0, if we put aside $66 per month in an account that gets 5% interest, by the time the child reaches 18, there will be approximately $22,000, the amount that would probably help a child get through college debt-free.

As someone who had a very spartan childhood, I no longer remember the fact that the room I grew up in was an ugly beige; and I had to wear a lot of hand-me downs; and Christmas gifts stopped coming once I was old enough to realized that there was no Santa Claus. I do remember, and am always grateful, that my parents helped me out with university and I got to start life debt-free.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 9:40pm
I totally agree with you. I bet that if we really knew what the people around us are going through debt wise we would find that we have a lot of company in the debt problem area. At least here we know we are not alone and can celebrate each little step toward getting rid of debt. And we also know that this is a problem area we can conquer little by little. I was listening to some of the archives of the Dave Ramsey show -- he would have prople call in and yell "we are debt free" -- BUT all of the people that I heard on the broadcast I was listening to either sold a house or got some big salary increase or the wife had figured out some wildly successful job to do at home. Well that is not going to happen to me. We are going to solve this little by little, but we are going to get it done.
Megan

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