sad story

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
sad story
11
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 1:46pm
I just read a terribly sad story this morning in our local newspaper -- a father killed his wife and 2 daughters (17 and 13 years of age) and then killed himself because the family was "deep in debt". He first called the police to tell them where to find the bodies at home and then killed himself. He left a note detailing his financial problems.
From what I can figure out, he gave no hints to even his closest friends that there was such a problem. The area they lived in is fairly affluent -- and it sounds like even when the finances were on a downward spiral they kept up with the usual activities of people with money - trips -- private schools - major sports activities.They were active in their church and everyone said he was a devoted dad. One of the friends who was interviewed said "Everything is so expensive here. It really is stressful. Everybody I know is having financial problems." I think the police chief missed the point when she "urged rsidents to call the domestic violence group Overcoming Relationship Abuse".
That wasn't the problem DEBT was and fearing to lose standing in the community I think. If only they could have found a place to discuss the problem without feeling ashamed -- thank God for this board.
Megan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 12:44pm

My mum was telling me that in England there have been quite a few male heads of the family types committing suicide because of the debt that they owe. It is tragic that this gentleman killed himself and his entire family, he must have had another illness that meant he didn't want any shame on his family, or for them to survive to find out the shame of the debt.

Unfortunately, a free-market society is going to create these types of disparities between people, those who have a lot and those of us who have to live paycheck to paycheck. All the shows we see on TV, or even looking at those who live around us gives us this idea that we all have to aspire to live a certain lifestyle. We all expect almost to take an annual vacation. I remember going once to Disney World for 3 days as a kid and that is the only family vacation I can remember. Now instead of it being a treat it's seen as a necessity.

Paying for college has been never easy for parents. We now see that as an extension of high school and not just for those getting a further education for their field of work. It is seen as something you need to get work. In fact, it means that a lot of people aren't going into the trades because their children are getting college degrees, and not following their family as before. Parents now feel more than ever obliged to save for college, on top of the orthodontist their kids will probably need and all the after school activities, etc, etc. I guess parents will have to face the fact that they can't all provide this to their kids, and that doesn't make them bad parents. Also we need to save for our own retirements.

I think that is the difference, once what was seen as a treat is now seen as a necessity and if we don't have those things then we aren't doing as well as the others around us. We aren't all going to do as well financially, we aren't all going to buy new cars, we aren't all going to have a house with a swimming pool. We just have to figure out it doesn't make us any less of a person, and I think people think it does.

There are people around us with a tremendous amount of money. Either they were left money by a family member, or their parents did well and were able to help them with their first house payment. I know some people who are wealthy because both of their parents passed away when they were young. I bet they would have their parents back in lieu of the money. I also know people who went into business for themselves at a very young age, are doing great in their business by the time they were 25 yrs old and can afford boats, $20,000 memberships to golf clubs and weddings in Tahiti plus a gift of a Hummer to their new wife. But that's only a few of us.

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