First Timer--vent!!
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| Tue, 09-20-2005 - 4:10pm |
OK--Its my first time here, and I have to vent! I am wallowing in debt. Just got off the phone with a collector. I feel like everyone is out to get me. They want a series of post-dated checks or else I can't work on a payment plan with them. Yeah, I should have worked with the credit card company, but I didn't. I figured I'd pay "next week", and each week it didn't happen. I refuse to send anyone a post-dated check. I am under so much stress I can't sleep. I am lashing out at my kids. I live in a crappy apartment in one of the most expensive places in CA. I will never own a home. My kids will never have a yard. Its all my fault. I'm afraid that when I turn in my car when the lease is up I won't be able to get another one. I have no savings at all. My husband has crappy hours and even worse employees, so he's always having to work because they "can't" (construction--what can I say). We live check to check. Because of my husband's hours, I can't even get a part time job because I can't afford a babysitter. There is so much more to our/my story, and I just can't deal with it anymore. I feel like everytime we start to get ahead, something pushes us two steps back. I got into a debt management program over a year ago, using my child support checks for that, and then my child support stopped for whatever reason.
I hope that I can find some suggestions, friends, and support. Thanks for letting me vent. I know things will get better. Someday.


I really feel for you. I know all too well what you're talking about. It would be wonderful if I could get a part time job, but with both DH and my mom (who lives nearby) having unpredictible hours and the cost of a babysitter being prohibitive (three kids), I can just forget it. I'll get optimistic about things and suddenly I'm knocked over again. We are definitely in a slump and I'm almost to tears about it more than I care to think about. I wonder sometimes if it's the pregnancy hormones, but either way I feel helpless. I have a laundry list of things that are for the "next paycheck" and I don't think that check will ever come. I can offer you lots of (((Hugs))) and support. I'm sure you get some good suggestions here!
Sarah
I already feel better knowing that I'm not alone.
I'm sure it's the hormones. We have three as well, 2 DD (15, 3 1/2) and DS (2 on 10/3). Would love one more, but haven't got the room!
Thanks for the hugs. Everyone on this board is in my thoughts...
Kathy
Kathy,
I am new here, too. I can offer you lots of HUGS and support. :)
I am single, and admire so much those that have a family and work so hard to support them. I can barely manage myself, LOL. :)
I filed Chp 7 BK early this year (Jan) on $50k of debt. I know, I know. Horrible. But I had to, and now I have a "fresh start" (sort of--obviously it affected my credit). I now have $4,000 in debt to get rid of (back taxes, medical bills occurred after discharge, and a personal loan I have to payback to a family member).
My therapist (I am lucky; my job provides free couseling if you need it) always tells me when I get worried/stressed out/etc. (which is EVERYDAY, LOL) to look at the situation I am so worried about. Then think of a solution for that situation and focus my energy on making that happen. And if there is no solution, then I shouldn't worry about it, LOL. It is MUCH harder said than done, but I do repeat that "mantra" to myself ("Think about the solution") and it does make me think and I feel better when I focus my energy on a solution rather than lying in bed, crying and making myself literally sick with anxiety.
Another thing, TALKING about it with others helps. As Suze Orman says, if everyone just was honest about their debt and money problems with their friends, family, etc. there wouldn't be so much pressure and shame, etc. My parents are my support system, and it was so embarassing at first, but they can relate (they were REALLY poor when they first married and my sisters and I were young) and offer alot of support and ideas of how to help me become finacially solvent.
So, please take a deep breath, a hot bath and get some sleep.
Consider all of your options, and focus on a solution that you can live with and is "doable".
And NEVER EVER send a collection agency any kind of check, post dated or not. They will CLEAN OUT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. Trust me; been there, done that. It sucked. LOL :)
And NEVER do a title loan on your car, and try to avoid payday cash advances/loans if you can. Been there, done that, almost went to jail over that and it REALLY sucked. LOL :)
You sound like a woman who loves her family very, very much and would do anything to support them and keep them safe. :) That is very admirable. You are taking a step in the right direction by coming here for support, ideas, etc. :) Read the posts, check other boards (Debt Q & A, etc.) and get some great ideas.
Mine? Can you have a garage sale? I had one, and made $300. I was soo happy! :)
Can you sell anything on Ebay? I had no idea to do that, but it turned out to be easy. Made a few hundred more bucks on that.
Can you "barter" babysitting services with a neighbor?
OR get a job at a daycare, where you can bring your kids? Maybe a church daycare?
My friend with four children did that. She made about $200/week net, but it was great help with her grocery bill.
Good luck, and take care of yourself. :)
August
Wow, it sounds like you have your plate full right now. I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have a lot of advice I'm in another place than you, I don't have small children, as I am 22 years into our marriage & our son is grown & gone. We are working toward paying off our debt & being debt free in 32 months.
I think because you have so much going on that it may help by listing your debt smallest to largest & start trying to knock one out & go on to the next one. Putting a spending plan in place & listing your debt may be the start to a plan & organization, this should help you feel in control. Then like others suggestions you maybe able to have a garage sale, sell some stuff (even books) on ebay to bring in extra cash to go towards debt.
There are some good authors if you have access to a library, Jerold Mundis & Dave Ramsey have written some great personal finance books.
Well, good luck & I'm sure others will have some ideas for you.
cindylee
August--
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
The scary thing about the collection agency was when she rattled off my account number for my bank. I had paid the credit card on-line a couple of times, and they sent the agency everything they had. Seriously considered closing the account and pay everyone with MO.
I have been thinking a lot about selling things on e-bay. Even took a bunch of old gold jewelry from ex-husband to pawn shop a few weeks ago. Got $32--guy said, "I don't know how much you were hoping to get", and I said that I wasn't trying to win the lottery, just wanted to dump old jewelry that I wasn't wearing. Put $ in gas tank!
Thanks again. I already feel better about this. I know we can do it, it just seems SO overwhelming at times!
Hugs--
Kathy
Cindylee--
Boy, I felt so much better after my rant!
I know we can do this, even as my tots are screaming downstairs as I type this! We just need to get organized and pull ourselves up by our boot-straps. My husband and I are both "fighters", and refuse to let anything get us down--for too long, anyway.
I guess I am angry about it getting so out of control! But I tell myself, like I remind my kids, I am the adult and I am in charge. Same goes for my debt!!
Thanks to you and everyone else that has been sending wonderful suggestions and thoughts our way. I am doing the same for everyone else here-active, lurking, or otherwise!!
Kathy
Sorry you are going through this. If I can offer a suggestion, it might help to brush up on the fair debt collection laws. I copied the rules regarding post dated checks below. I think knowing your rights and confronting collectors with the rules gives you some power over the situtation. IF you want the full statue go to http://www.ftc.gov/os/statutes/fdcpa/fdcpact.htm
808. Unfair practices
A debt collector may not use unfair or unconscionable means to collect or attempt to collect any debt. Without limiting the general application of the foregoing, the following conduct is a violation of this section:
(1) The collection of any amount (including any interest, fee, charge, or expense incidental to the principal obligation) unless such amount is expressly authorized by the agreement creating the debt or permitted by law.
(2) The acceptance by a debt collector from any person of a check or other payment instrument postdated by more than five days unless such person is notified in writing of the debt collector's intent to deposit such check or instrument not more than ten nor less than three business days prior to such deposit.
(3) The solicitation by a debt collector of any postdated check or other postdated payment instrument for the purpose of threatening or instituting criminal prosecution.
(4) Depositing or threatening to deposit any postdated check or other postdated payment instrument prior to the date on such check or instrument.
(5) Causing charges to be made to any person for communications by concealment of the true propose of the communication. Such charges include, but are not limited to, collect telephone calls and telegram fees.
(6) Taking or threatening to take any nonjudicial action to effect dispossession or disablement of property if --
(A) there is no present right to possession of the property claimed as collateral through an enforceable security interest;
(B) there is no present intention to take possession of the property; or
(C) the property is exempt by law from such dispossession or disablement.
(7) Communicating with a consumer regarding a debt by post card.
(8) Using any language or symbol, other than the debt collector's address, on any envelope when communicating with a consumer by use of the mails or by telegram, except that a debt collector may use his business name if such name does not indicate that he is in the debt collection business.
I hope this helps.
Hi,
I just wanted to say i understand how you feel, many of us have been in the same boat. I think realizing that you want to take control and live diffently is a big step, i have gotten to that pt. and i am ever working on getting to where i want to be, it is a slow process but i'm trying. Two books that i recommend to help you figure out how to get there are by dave ramsey (i would just reserve them at the library) "Financial peace" and "total money makeover" They are great books and actually give you a plan.
I think it is really hard in this day and age to manage money. We have been bombarded with the belief that we have to have "everything now" and that credit cards are normal and that is just how things are done. It never occured to me that that was not the case until the last year or so. I always htought if i had lots of credit available that I was doing okay. Now i desperately want to have no debt and money in the bank......It's not cheap to live in this time, and with kids especially. I agree about every time you get ahead something pushes you two steps back, its amazing all of the things that creap up that need your money. You will get through, this is a great place to start!
Shannon
Thanks for the information!
I have been just overwhelmed at the kindness and support on this board.
Hugs to everyone!
Kathy