To everyone feeling sad and depressed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
To everyone feeling sad and depressed...
5
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 10:04pm

It seems like there are a lot of new folks recently, and a lot of folks feeling down about themselves and their debt. I’ve been very busy and haven’t been around much, but I want all of you to know you’re not alone, and I wanted to poke in and just share some thoughts that I hope will be encouraging to someone…

First of all, repeat three times loudly:

I am not my debt. I am not my debt. I am not my debt.

Now, repeat three times quietly:

This too shall pass.

My personal mantra is this one:

Every problem holds a gift in its hands.

About three years ago, my problem was similar to that suffered by many of our new posters and some of our old-timers too. I was deeply in debt, living beyond my meager means, creditors calling, landlady getting antsy, wondering where grocery money would come from for our next meal, and hating my best friend for her husband’s nearly six-digit income…

The problem did hold a gift in its hand, and personally I wouldn’t trade it. I watch people with much larger incomes than ours throw their money down the drain every day, bemoaning their inability to save for the future, and I think, “But for the grace of god, there go I.” I’ve learned, and continue to learn, so much about money management, about living richly on minimal means, and also many lessons about the value of my family and our quality of life, and meeting our true goals regardless of financial situation. But I personally had to have that baptism by fire to ready me for those lessons.

When I finally faced the music, it seemed pretty hopeless, but we made some difficult decisions that at one time had seemed unthinkable—I gave up (temporarily) my stay-at-home-mom dream and took a part-time night job, we sold a lot of stuff and moved to a cheaper place, refinanced a car, learned to eat on $180 a month, cut things out of our budget that we thought were necessities, and on and on.

It was rough for the first year or so. But it has paid off big-time. We now live in a gorgeous house that we own, with a marvelous backyard, we eat quite well, drive cars that we enjoy, have money in the bank for retirement (a start on it, anyway), emergencies, etc. A net worth in the black (lol), and sometimes even money to blow. And I stay home full time now—yippee!

And the main thing is, I’ve been learning to love myself and cherish my family quite apart from our financial situation. It seems to me there’s no point in blaming ourselves or feeling bad about what we have or haven’t done in the past. We all act in each moment in the way that seems best to us. Sometimes we make mistakes. That doesn’t make us bad or stupid or failures.

By coming here and seeking support, we demonstrate that we are ready to move our lives forward and take responsibility for changing our future for the better. I am so proud of and grateful to each person who comes here and lays down her problems seeking support and solutions, and sharing her stories and experience. It’s a big step, and a strong one.

I wish all the best to all of you, and I hope I’ll have more opportunity to address individuals soon. I just wanted to extend a big “welcome” and some words of encouragement. You are not your debt, this too will pass, and there is hope.

Many blessings,

Heather

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 11:46pm

Thanks Heather!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 8:36am

Thanks Heather, you always have the nicest, most inspirational posts, you seem like such a wonderful person. I like the saying "every problem holds a gift in its hands" i knew this but never heard that saying.

Thanks!
Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:19am

Ahhh... Thanks. I feel all warm and fuzzy now. :)

I also look for your posts and enjoy reading them.

I forgot to give credit, though . The quote, "Every problem holds a gift in its hands," is from David Bach, in his book "Illusions." I repeat it to myself frequently when I'm stressed out. It helps a lot.

Thanks for the ego boost. :)

Blessings,

Heather

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:42pm

heather,
Thanks, you're such an inspiration.

MYM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:33pm
Heather---I always appreciate your insights and posts. You are wise. Whiz.