Ungrateful Child
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Ungrateful Child
| Sun, 09-25-2005 - 1:57pm |
Ok my DS turned 7 on the 18th. My DH and I bought him a $40.00 toy amd took him out to dinner at his favorite place. THe next weekend we had a birthday party for him at the bowling alley with 7 of his classmates. This but us back about $100.00 for bowling, drinks, cake, goodie bags...etc. My child cried at the bowling alley saying stuff was unfair. When we left he was whinning that he didn't get anything.. (He made out great..at least $100 worth of presents) I wanted to scream. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything. He thinks he has it soo bad. Sometimes I wish he could of understood how hard we all had it when he was a baby. I know that we still cannot "keep up with the Jones's" but we are middle class. My DH and I make more than both of our parents. We gross about 60,000 a year and bust our butts doing it. I am more aggravated than anything that I have seemed to raise a very ungrateful child. My DH had a very rough child hood and he has said that he will not do that to our son, but at least my DH appreciates everything. I just wished that my son appreciated things more.....

It has made a world of difference, as now he understands toys are not easy to come by. I no longer hear the whining and "I want", and "everybody has more than me", etc. Now he asks "How much is that toy? and Do I have enough". MUCH BETTER!!!!
Good luck, I know it isn't easy!
I have a 7 year old Ds also, and we celebrated his birthday the first week of September. We never do the big friend-party thing because the way I figure it, it's 1. Expensive, 2. Stressful, 3. Parents in my area try to 'compete' to see who can have the best party, which is not something I want to get into. So, we just have immediate family cake/ice cream parties in our dining room and have our son open gifts. That's it. His grandparents live out of state, so their gifts are sent in. Gifts from other relatives are mailed also, and then there's just a couple of gifts from us, and that's it. My Dh only had family parties when he was a kid, and I had all family parties, with the exception of my 7th birthday. At that party, most of the kids went home crying because they didn't win at a game, and I was left feeling miserable. I think, also, my son is noticing the chaos that sometimes goes on at kids' parties nowadays, also. After we had left a friends' party, where a moonbounce had been rented, I asked him why he was sitting all alone and not in the moonbounce. He told me how some of the boys at the party started punching and hitting and kicking other kids in the moonbounce, and he was afraid of being hurt. When he tried to tell the birthday child's parents about this, hoping they would put a stop to it, they were too frazzled by all the party details to assist. So he spent the party sitting and talking with a few other children that had been hit and punched too much to be in the party mood any longer. After another party, he told me how a girl had taken all the cards off the gifts and shuffled them so no one knew who had given which gift. I asked him if the birthday-Mom had noticed it, and he said, "She said, 'oh well' and let it go and then everyone had to yell out which gift they'd given as they were opened". To me, its just not worth all the stress.
Maybe you could tell your son that since he didn't appreciate this party, there won't be any others. Then, either he'll start to show appreciation or you'll be spared the expense and stress of party-planning in the future. :-D
I wish you luck! :-D
Pat
You've gotten some great replies so far, so I won't repeat what's already been said. It's a difficult problem that a lot of parents face, so don't feel bad! I'm not there yet--mine are 4 and 1.
One thing I've done though, similar to someone else, is stopped having the big friend's parties. I've been to lots of them for other people, and I don't like what I see--it's a lot like the experiences already described, and just a big hassle. Instead, we have a family party and on the actual day of the birthday, everyone takes off of work and/or school (dh, primary bread-winner, included--we plan to homeschool, so this will be doable even into school years), and we do some fun activity for the birthday child, together. Last year it was the zoo, and it was a huge hit. We got quality family time, Monty got a great experience, and we all had fun and no hassles or frazzle--and while there was expense, it was WAY cheaper than a big-production party.
As they get older, we plan to expand the birthday activity to include one or two of the birthday child's best friends, if they choose. And there will always be the rule: no presents.
We are considering having a "party" every three years or so if the child chooses. For Monty's third birthday, we had a party and insisted (on the invitations) on NO GIFTS. That way, the focus was NOT on the presents, but on the companionship and party atmosphere. Instead, Monty chose a theme (animals), and we assembled cool party favors for our guests, including animal masks and little toy animals. We figured the focus could be on *giving* rather than receiving, and it went over really, really well.
Anyway, those are my random thoughts from a less-experienced mom, but maybe there's something helpful in there. I really feel for you. It's not a fun feeling when a child starts exhibiting unpleasant behaviors, but I think it's great that you're looking for ways to address it.
Good luck and blessings,
Heather
debtsucks has a great suggestion.
All my best,
Danni
I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't get any easier as they get older! We live in a 3 bd apt, with three kids and two cats. It's a great layout, with bds upstairs, two full baths, and a w/c downstairs, but it's still small. We're over the carport, so no one is under us, but are sandwiched with people on both sides. My oldest, DD, will be 16 in Feb. She absolutely resents the fact that we don't have parties for her. Where are they going to go? No room in her room, crammed with furniture, and with two toddlers, having them all downstairs is out of the question. We don't have $ to throw around, even though her friends all have these lavish parties, sometimes with parents treating 10 teenagers to Disneyland!! That's $55 A PERSON JUST TO GET IN THE DOOR!!
When I was a kid, we were allowed to take one friend to any restaurant of our choice. That was it! We have tried this approach, but met with some resistance. Told her that's the best we can do, take it or leave it. Have also paid for a couple of her friends to go to the movies, and popped for pizza afterward. As long as I don't have to clean up, I'm happy!
What I don't understand is the number of people asking what we're doing for DS birthday, 10/3...HE'S GOING TO BE TWO! HE WON'T REMEMBER THE PARTY! My stepson had a HUGE, I mean HUGE party for his son's first birthday. There must have been 75 people there. Did I mention that stepson's son's birthday is TWO DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS?! Yeah, so this kid got tons of stuff for Christmas, and then got a ton more two days later at a party.
PS--never got a thank you note, either!
Hang in there!!
Kathy
I haven't read the responses yet, but here's my 2 cents. . .
When my DDs were 7yo, I remember thinking they were the brattiest kids ever. What happened to my darling, eager-to-please kindergarteners and 1st graders? They seemed to me to be the greediest, most ungrateful, selfish brats. They screamed about everything they were asked to do around the house and didn't appreciate anything! The fact is, at 7yo, kids are becoming aware of the goodies that others have, while their cognitive development hasn't caught up to the fact that *everyone* doesn't have *everything*. Our tales of hardship don't mean anything to them at that age.
Even so, you don't need to tolerate rudeness. If you feel his ingratitude is making him rude to you or, worse, his party guests, I think it's fine to enact appropriate punishment. I think you can also tell him that he is being ungrateful and point out the alternatives you could have chosen. The message *will* sink in over time. My DDs are 13 and 10, and when it comes to material things, they are now gracious recipients and even reasonably good gift-givers. They definitely have their moments of ingratitude, but what adolescents don't? At that age, it's more about them being ungrateful for all the things you do and the opportunity cost of driving them *everywhere*. At least the 7yo phase is past (for them - I have a 5yo son who has yet to hit the "terrible sevens"!).
Kelly