Dad thinks MY $$$ grows on trees!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Dad thinks MY $$$ grows on trees!
8
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 3:26pm

I separated from my husband 6 months ago, and have had many financial issues since then, i.e. bankruptcy, borrowing to pay the rent, etc. I'm just now to the point where I've paid off the bankruptcy lawyer and the divorce lawyer and all the back bills that were created...then what happens? My car breaks down! Now I have to pay almost $1000 to get it fixed. (And I only bring home $1400 a month as a receptionist!)
My dad, bless his heart, he's been helping me out as much as possible, buying me dinner quite often, lending me $$ when I need it, etc. Several times, we've had the conversation about me being so depressed about my life right now that I should go to a doctor/counselor and get put on anti-depressants. I've told him many times that I intend to do that once my finances are in order, b/c I just can't afford it right now, that there are too many other things that need my $$.
Well, he e-mailed me again last night, telling me that I need to quit making excuses and get some meds, and that he understands that there are alot of people out there that don't have the best insurance but that sometimes a person has to do what's best for them in the long run.

???????

What part of my checkbook doesn't he understand?? I'm already going without groceries to pay to get my car fixed so I don't have to bum rides from everybody just to get to work. Where exactly does he think I'm going to get the $30 per visit co-pay and minimum $75/mth for meds? I've asked him that question and he doesn't seem to have an answer for it.

It's so frustrating that he must think that I have tons of money to play with, but just don't "want" to part with it for something "silly" like medicine! I'm looking for a part time job for Christmas to hopefully help me out a bit, but right now, I HAVE NO MONEY!!!!

Therefore, I CAN"T BUY MEDS!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 9:50am

cj,

I agree with your dad. Depression or any kind of mental illness should not be put off. Why do I say that? My husband has been suffering from untreated depression for over 20 years, until 5 years ago he was not on any medication. There are many symptoms of depression, aside from the "feeling down"-feeling. Like not being able to work, getting out of bed, personal hygiene, quitting jobs frequently, suicidal thoughts,hearing voices or paranoia(schizo-affective disorder)and and and, all the way to committing suicide(I'm not saying that you have to develop all of them or all of them at once). He has started out like you, "blue" and now he is 100 % disabled without a chance of recovery. My advice... see a doctor or go see if you can find a free mental health clinic to at least talk to someone, see what your options are, how you can get help, even finacially to pay for meds etc. IF you are mentally ill, and I'm not saying that it is clinical depression, then it should be taken very seriously, as it can result in something much much worse than just feeling sad. It also affects everyone around you, family, friends and colleagues. All I can do is urge you to go and get help as long as you can beat this thing. Don't let it go untreated too long or the "beast that follows me", as Winston Churchill used to call his depression, won't leave.

I wish you all the best.
Sushi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 10:39am

It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated, and that maybe you don't feel listened to. I think Sushi may be right though. Your health, both physical and mental, is one of the most important investments you can make. Personally, I'd skip a utility payment or two if it were a choice between that and my health.

If you do have a medical condition, proper treatment can have long-lasting effects not only on the way you feel, but also on your financial state. Depression seriously affects our ability to earn money as well as how we spend money, and fixing the problem can often lead to greater financial health as well.

Hugs and blessings,

Heather

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 10:50am

I do encourage you to try to find a Community Mental Health Center to find out about free and low-cost clinics in your area.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:17am

Sorry to hear about your car. I hear you there with people thinking you just have money to spare for everything. I went through a divorce 4 years ago, and know how painful it is. My parents also seem to think I should have money for everything, because they themselves have money to spare. I bought a fixer-up condo just over 2 years ago, and my mum was like 'when are you putting in a new kitchen?' - like I just had a couple of grand lying around for a new kitchen. Then she started to say I needed a new car, and how much does a new car in the States cost (my parents live in England). I was thinking I just bought this condo and can't even afford furniture and my mum wants me buying a new car and a new kitchen - it was crazy!

If no one can understand why you might be feeling a little in the dumps lately then I wouldn't pay too much mind to what they say. I mean - you have just been through a divorce, and a bankruptcy. That's considered 2 major life events - and not exactly the fun ones either. Do you get any chance to exercise, and I don't mean a gym membership, but just a chance to get out and run or take a walk? Exercise really does help to lift your mood when you feel stressed. I know it's often hard to find the will or the energy, but the benefits are enormous and it gives you time to think things through. A lot of doctors prescribe exercise to patients coming in with depression. It's so much more important than we think.

I would try to limit what you tell your dad. There comes a time when telling your parents everything just stresses them out too much. I learnt that one with my parents, because they always come up with these 'helpful' suggestions.

For extra work, retail has the most flexible hours and they are probably hiring now for Xmas. Also a waitressing job at the weekends could be a great way to earn extra cash.

I certainly wouldn't rush to get medicated. You are probably better contacting a local health authority for pro-rated counselors. Talking to a neutral 3rd party could be the better option than just medication alone. I would be feeling depressed too with all the things you've been through and anybody would. Don't add the stress of thinking you need a doctor in that respect. Give yourself time to mourn the end of your marriage. It's normal.

Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 6:59pm
I was in a very similar situation 2 years ago. I was broke, single, and had no money for anything. . . . I was seriously eating on less than $20/month. And I was really depressed. Finally, my BF at the time (now DH) convinced me to go to a clinic. I went, and my office visit and meds together were $50. I didn't have the $, but they understood that and still treated me. After that first month, I paid what I could. The meds (prozac generic) were only $10/month, and probably the best $10 I spent every month. It is more than worth going to the doctor's office, in my opinion. Good luck, and (((((((hugs)))))).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 7:22pm

Ditto to the thoughts of the others...I Also wanted to add that my doc when she wanted to try me on anti-depressants.....gave me samples....2 months worth.....to try....so I had free meds for 2 months...and that turned out to be all I needed to get back into a healthy pattern....

So, much as it pains me to agree with a parent ( ;) ) Im afraid im kinda with your dad on this one, as well.

Hugs, though...you're not in an easy place, whether you want to call it depression or not!

~ Teresa

Teresa
http://www.affordingpickles.blogspot.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 8:37pm

Our college offers services to the community at very low cost (I believe it's $5 a month). The counselors are graduate students who have completed their coursework and now have to do so many hours of internship. Our DD tried counseling and we were very pleased with the professionalism. I know it's easy to think they may not be as qualified but on the other hand, sometimes I think maybe you put in even more when you first start. I hope that came out right....

Taleyna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 4:37am

Hi again Cj,

your problem doesn't leave me alone and so I was thinking last night that ivillage has a depression support group. Why not go there and maybe get some helpful advice. These ladies suffer from depression and so they can propably help you best. Most likely they will advice you to see a doctor, but they can also tell you what to do if you don't have money. Incidently, before my husband was on disability and unable to work, he often got free samples from the psychiatrist as well and where he was at the time (now he lives with me in Germany) there was a free mental health clinic. Just look around. My policy is better safe than sorry.

Sushi