Aggravated with it all....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Aggravated with it all....
10
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 2:40pm

I'm so frustrated. Due to a nasty and expensive and long divorce/custody battle, I am financially wrecked! It's so hard to get out of the CC debt that accrued due to supporting myself with CC's while paying a $300/hour attorney for 2 years. I'm so far in the hole right now, I can't stand it. I just don't see how scrimping and saving little bits on groceries, etc. are going to ever have much of an effect. I need some big changes. The $1 saved here and there just isn't making enough difference. It seems like something happens every single month to throw a monkey wrench into all my budgeting/saving/debt repayment efforts. I can't keep any money in the savings account--every month something happens, dental problem, car repair, I moved recently. I put $$ in there and need it right away. On Friday I deposited an expense reimbursement check and spent $$ with the debit card on the weekend for groceries, etc. Was I ever stunned to see that they posted the deposit last (for a large sum, too) and paid several smaller debits first overdrafting the account. When I called to complain the arrogant bank customer service rep said that everything posted with the same date (Monday) and they processed it all according to bank policy which is deposits last--resulting in more checks going OD due to the fee debits! GRRR--cost me $36 several times for small purchases plus several $36 OD fees for checks that would have cleared with no problem if the deposit had posted first and hadn't generated OD fees. They wouldn't give me any $$ back. I can't afford to lose any money--my budget is so tight already! My whole month is blown now! I'll be short again at the end of the month losing all this $$. I hate banks! Seems like they are putting up fancy new branches everywhere and setting up their policies to stick it to their poorest depositors.

Please tell me it will get better!

Such a discouraged cupcake!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 4:39pm

Chant with me-it will be ok, it will be ok, it will be ok. Breathe in, breathe out.

Now, I don't think it is the scrimping and saving that will get your debts paid down, but rather the mindset that goes with it. I feel that if you are positive and determined to get your debts paid off, then the penny-pinching will be more enjoyable. But, when you are frustrated and mad because you feel that you are being deprived of something, that's when the situatation feels hopeless and burdensome. So, it's not so much saving money by clipping coupons, but rather-do I really need that to sustain life? Will this help me in the long run? If you feel that life will still go on without that item, then it is easier to let go and free up that money for something else. I can totally relate to the whole "It's always something" scenario. But, I will not let it control my life. That may not get my debts paid down any faster, but at least I will not let it make me insane.

Good luck!
Windy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 5:52pm

It will get better. It will.

Banks can be very frustrating to everybody with some of their very unfriendly policies. Sorry you had to go through all that stupidity.

And soon you will have a month that doesn't have a monkey wrench thrown into it, and that will let you get ahead a bit. You just have to survive out each day, one by one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 6:47pm
I have overdrafted things before and been so upset, and I have had that happen where they "hold" the check longer, and when i look online it says it has cleared but they say it hasn't and overdraft some of my checks that came in. It is SO Frustrating. But you know what, when that happens i think i am going to go mad worrying about it and being upset, but i know i can look at it as a sign to do better, and get smarter about this journey i'm on, and time goes by and i am able to forget it has happened. The same will happen for you, just keep on keeping on. Also, i think the whole part about saving a little here and there, it seems like it won't help much but it is a whole mindset, that i think if you get into, will help you in the longrun, I have been a sahm for about 4 months now and i am slowly learning some of these things and it is a really long process, to be thrifty without being deprived so i can be better off for the long haul. Good luck!
(they say when things happen over and over again it is b/c we haven't learned the lesson yet, i think that is what happens when my financial house isn't in order and i am struggling, that i need to learn the lesson of being frugal when times are tough AND when they are good.
Shannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:20am

I don't have alot of advice you, but I just wanted to co-miserate with you. I am in the same boat at the moment. I woke up this morning to a 580 dollar overdraft in my checking acct. we deposited dh's check on friday and it turns out that they don't post it until today because of the holiday. So, things that automatically come out of our acct all bounced. car insurance and the mortgage payment. On top of that, they also managed to put them through twice during the weekend, so they charged us 30 dollars each time, resulting in a 240 dollar charge for nsf. And then, they paid the items!!!! urgh..... so why did they charge me 60 dollars each???? i am going in to raise hell in there today. that is totally ridiculous.

i wish you lots of luck... i could use some myself!

kel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 11:48am

Hi

I too am in the same situation. I called my creditors and pleaded my case and on the one CC they agreed to waive all fees and interest for a year. That's a start. On another one I was being threatened with garnishment which would just kill me, so a tremendous friend of mine lent me the money for that one. There are a couple of others. I too am trying to figure out a way to get out of it. I never thought it would be so difficult. But I have to. My ex is great as far as paying for things for the kids above and beyond child support. It's still hard though. But I thought I have to suck it up and make it work. That and get a new job. :-)

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 2:34pm

Hi, sorry you are in the same boat as I am. Ain't no pleasure cruise, that's for sure!

I do have one suggestion--have you filed your taxes as head of household? Read the tax rules, you may qualify unless your ex gets to claim the kids as dependents. If you qualify, up the no. of exemptions that you claim on your W-4. That makes a huge difference in my FIT bill, more net pay each month.

My ex and his new wife's combined income is 5 (yes, 5!) times what mine is, so there is huge competition for the kids coming from them--I get so aggravated I can't stand it! Ex gives em $$ right and left and has promised my teens cars if they live with him. GRRR!!! We share possession and I get ZERO cs! Ex does pay for all medical, clothing, etc. but it's still hard. I had to make HUGE concessions to get him to stop suing for full custody. He's such a bully! It has been an awful battle! I am going to call my cc banks and see if they will lower the rate or waive. Did you have a specific rationale? Or just say, I'm trying to pay you, but I don't have much money now?

Now, I'm kinda looking for some moonlight work opportunities.

Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 5:07pm

Wow, you're having a rough time! Sending hugs your way.

It makes me so upset when I see banks behaving like greedy children. I would take your complaint all the way up the structure if you can. Better yet, go in during the lunch hour when the bank is crowded and raise a scene. Be as loud as you can without getting thrown out. (evil grin).

Seriously, they should make it right. It's predatory, the way they do it. Both of the banks I use expressly do *not* do it that way--they post deposits then withdrawals.

Nevertheless, I've been overdrawn in the past due to deposits not going through quickly enough (one of my banks is in Texas so I have to mail deposits, and they took a long time getting there). I think everyone gets overdrawn every once in a while. What I've done to remedy that is built a buffer into my account. Basically, every penny I saved from scrimping, I put aside in my ledger as a buffer in my account until the buffer reached $100. It took a while to get that far, since I was literally saving only pennies at a time, but it's handy to have there. Some people do this by always rounding up their records to the nearest dollar, putting the difference between the actual cost of something and the recorded amount aside as a buffer. Also, many banks will allow you to attach a savings account to your checking account to act as overdraft protection. Obviously, that doesn't help if you don't have savings, but again you can build the savings in a similar manner as above. Personally, I would do this *first*, before snowflaking to credit cards, because those occasional overdrafts are more expensive than the interest on the $100 buffer.

We actually keep savings set aside for specific purposes. The one designed for automotive repairs and maintenance is in the savings account attached to our checking account, as a second layer of buffering against overdraft.

Anyway, I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. And then to have your ex competing so aggressively for the children's affection! Grrr. If it's any consolation, I'm betting they see right through it. Sure, in their teenage immaturity they might go live with him or whatever for the immediate pay-off, but in the larger scheme of things they are going to remember how they were treated, and they're going to remember the respect you show them and the love you have for them, and they're going to begin to see the shallowness of his bribes.

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:41pm

Hello Cupcake. Although I am not a regular on this particular board, I do like to lurk here my journey to being debt free begain from this board. I decided to de-lurk approximately 1-2 years ago. The support on here is tremendous, especially since I felt so alone. I personally had about $6,000 in CC debt and thought I was doomed until I found this board. Basically, I have one target card left which is around $2800 and hope to clear this by the end of the year. The other posters gave you great advice, we've all been to the aggravation point. Dealing day by day is best. I really could make my story long, but I won't. Have you tried going thru a Credit Union? They are usually more "user friendly" as oppose to most banks, especially if you establish an relationship with them. My other question is have you tried a Debt Mgt. Program? I've been thru both and they've helped me so much. All I say is that you check out the many Debt Programs
and Credit Unions - most you can join for $10. To keep this brief with the Credit Union, they work for you, the member, found out this thru my own union. I've been with mine for 27yrs and just found out about the gazillion services available to me.

P.S. - My email editor has not been set up yet, so please forgive typos. I wish good luck to you and take care. Remember, this too shall pass!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 2:38pm
I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I am in no better position and living penny to penny as well trying to pay off the cc. It will get better- perhaps you can get a 2nd job, get a loan to pay off the cc at once, borrow from a relative? I know you probably thought about all these before and I know it's hard but hang in there.
And you know what, if you don't pay off your cc it's ok cause one day we all will be gone and who cares if you paid off your cc debt, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 2:50pm

Yeah, we'll all be under the dirt one day and I got enough life insurance $$ to pay the stinkin' cc's.

a grouchy cupcake