Anyone else get really mad at their kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Anyone else get really mad at their kids
10
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:32pm

For wasting things and messing stuff up? I'm just so frustrated, and at the same time feeling guilty because they *are* just little kids and I sometimes say awful things to them when I get upset.

For instance, this morning I discovered that one of the "keys" that turns the light switch for our built-in bedside lamp is missing, plus the halloween ghosts hanging from the banisters were torn down twice. When I went to find a tape measure there was none to be found though we've replaced it about six times because the kids like to play with it. When I got done posting in reply to Danni earlier today, I went downstairs to find a roll of duct tape under the coffee table that had been unwound and then rewound, and basically ruined. My ds asked me to set up a movie for him and I discovered that the (expensive, rechargeable) batteries had been removed from the remote and then chewed on (!!!!!). I just feel like I can't keep anything nice, and like I'm treading water in trying to keep the house in reasonable shape. Not to mention the expense of having to replace almost-new rechargeable batteries, a tape measure, and half a roll of duct tape (minor expense, but we all know these things add up). Oh yeah, and then the four-year-old is going through a phase where he throws things--I can't seem to get him to stop. It's not out of anger, just for fun. The other is one and a half. Oh, and it doesn't help to put things out of reach, because we'd basically just have to have everything in the attic to keep them away from our very resourceful four-year-old.

Okay. I'm not looking for parenting advice, mind you, I just needed to vent. And maybe feel like I'm not a terrible mother and housekeeper because my house is a disaster and I occasionally yell at my kids. :(

And maybe hear that other people have disgusting carpets and ruined fixtures?? Please? LOL

Thanks,

Heather

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:03pm

Heather--

You are SO not alone! I have three, 15, 3 (DD), and 2 (DS), as well as two (down from three--now in Happy Hunting Grounds) cats that have done a number on my sofas, carpets, walls, you name it! Will not buy new couch until we are a cat-free environment, and using slipcovers until then. DH in asphalt business, so he also contributes to the carpet problem. Bought a steam cleaner...

I have a tendancy to lose my cool, too, and I now take Mommy Time-Outs. The toddlers are screaming as we speak...gotta run!

Kathy

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:21pm

You are so not alone-I refuse to get new furniture or replace the carpets in the bedrooms until the kids are older. In my world, I have an almost 7 year old with little or no bowel/bladder control so even with pull-ups accidents happen all the time. My least favorite right now is snack time. DD is old enough to get the food out and enjoys "helping" but they make such a mess! I know it's a skill and she needs to learn but I'm so tired of mopping up milk and unless you watch them like hawks it's a huge mess. I try to drop everything and munch with them while we watch a TV show and then DD does a sit time but DH always forgets and just this week they dumped an entire box of wheat crackers on the floor and then ran over them. Now, I'm in the throes of a mice infestation so I do not want the free meal on the floor and I'm also not going to just pick them up and then let the kids eat them later.

O.K. I could write a novel on this issue but Ian says NO!

Avatar for cl_beckymk
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:34pm

Heather - When did you come spy at my house?

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Registered: 03-24-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 2:34pm
My 14 y/o SS is terrible, he's only here every other weekend. He always takes the scissors, and leaves out everything, cereal, milk, whatever. He leaves everything on the floor and before he leaves usually has to take down 2 trips of dishes. I deal, but until we move he shars a room with my 14 month old. This irritates the crap out of me. I don't want him getting the scissors, the candy, or the forks or knives he leaves laying around. My 14 m/o learned how to get the lids off of all of his sippies, and we just got brand new carpet. He also throws everything. He always rips books, the other day he was tearing pages out of the phonebook. I can relate!

Kelly

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Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 4:09pm

Nope, Heather, you're not alone. :-D We bought our house 8 years ago with beige carpets, and they are still the same carpets today....although they are somewhat more of an off-beige, bordering on a tan now. LOL! :-D I vacuum once a week (more if I see something fall like a bottle of glitter my son is playing with, etc), and although I have a steam cleaner, I only use it maybe once every five or six months or so. I just never find the time to get around to it, but ya know what? That's ok with me! :-D No, I can probably never hold my husband's company Christmas party here at my house with my hand-me-down furniture and less-than-new carpets, but my house "is" something that I have always wanted it to be.....Comfortable! :-D When people come over, they know they can just fall onto the couch, put their feet up, and relax. It's got a very relaxed homey feel to it, and that's simply because I don't strive for perfection anymore. Sure, I tried when my son was little, and every bit of marketing out there told me I should be a stunningly beautiful Mom with my hair done and beautiful clothes and make-up and a perfect complexion, holding a perfectly behaved child lovingly in my arms, and I should be dancing him around in a gloriously decorated and ultra-clean room.....but I realized I was driving myself loony trying to be someone that I'm just not. :-D The reality was that I was standing there with a colicky baby screaming his head off, and refluxing formula all over my blouse. LOL! :-D I just want to be the type of Mom that's loving, in his life as much as I can be, someone he can depend on, and also play a bit of referee and goalkeeper at times, depending on what he's getting into. LOL! :-D I have no plans to replace my carpet until he's well beyond the spilling and 'running through the house doing ninja moves with a drink in his hand' stage. :-D Same with the furniture. It's the same furniture we started out with when we got married almost 15 years ago, and we're making it last. :-D If it gets a ding in it or a dent, that's ok. :-D Things happen. ;-D

Do you keep a journal? If so, jot down some of these stories about your kids, and then read them back to them when they're grown. Especially when they come to you with stories of their own children! You can smile and say, "Gee, I remember when you chewed the batteries from the remote control....." :-D

Take some time for yourself tonight, even if it's just 15 minutes to soak in the tub or something. :-D

Pat :-D

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Registered: 04-21-2004
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 7:20am

heather, wow, you have touched on a sensitive subject with me!! We just bought our home and it is a real fixer-upper! the carpets are tan(i think they might have been beige originally.) and really need to be replaced. I have hand me down furniture and a kitchen set that i found on the side of the road!(although, it is very nice to me!! a great find!) I have not been able to afford curtains yet and we simply have mini blinds. We do not have new linens and sleep with old, but clean, blankets. I keep a blanket on my couch permanently because my daughter and husband tend to snack in front of the tv. Right now, I have a tent in the middle of my living room. My kitchen floor needs to be mopped, but you know what? it's pouring rain and i know that if i mop it today, it will just be filthy in an hour.

the reason house-cleaning is such a sore point for me is the fact that my mom is super mom. she is the epitome of "June cleaver". Her house is spotless at all time and always was. She has a very strict cleaning routine and god help the person who screws it up. Many in my family feel its a somewhat compulsive habit. When i had my daughter i started to become this way too. I was constantly trying to keep up with her routine. But, I was working full time from home with a newborn. It's impossible. I was actually starting to panic about it. And then I thought about how her obsessive habits affected me. I never feel totally comfortable there. I feel afraid that i will mess something up. I think it instilled a permament nervousnes in me. (I have GAD, and to be honest, I think alot of her "habits" helped me form this problem. long story..) I don't want my daughter and husband to feel uncomfortable in their own home. I have a comfortable home and I don't care if it can get a little cluttered or if there is a stack of books on the table, or a train set in the kitchen.

as far as the temper situation, I am working on that also. I have lost my temper with my three year and yelled at her (just like most of us here have, i'm sure) and it broke my heart. The thing that scared me was one day I yelled at her and she hid behind the chair. Wow, that blew me away. That I scared her like that. And I found that my aggravation was coming from the fact that I was trying to be perfect, and I am not. I get frustrated and take it out on her and dh. I have let go trying to be perfect and settled for just being happy. It's a much better place. I know I will lose my temper occasionally, but I am definitly trying the time outs for mommy.

Anyway, sorry so long, but this has all been a somewhat new realization to me and It really touched a nerve.

good luck, keep us posted. YOu are a great mom, we all get frustrated and I think guilt is pretty much part of being a parent!!lol..

kel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 10:43am
Hi Heather,
I know how you feel. My 4 yr old DD tries my patience sometimes and I yell. I have the "I can't have anything nice" blues many, many times. Your not a bad Mom or housekeeper - just frustrated.
If it helps, I experience the same things at work. Grown people who can't pick up after themselves or lose small equipment (like tape measurers btw).
My DH suggested teaching our DD respect and responsibility. Basically- we take something of hers away for naughty behavior or attitude. (My DD likes to cop an unbelievable attitude, which we need to clip before the teenage years.) Also - leave it out and we can take it. She can earn her stuff back. I just know how terrible you feel after yelling. It is much easier for me to say you did this, I am taking that. When she protests, I can say you know the rules. DD has started thinking about her actions. There is still occassional yelling, but it has decreased.
Anyway, sorry for the advice. From your posts, you sound like a great Mom and your teaching your kids so many good things.
Hope you have a better day.
Sandra
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 1:50pm

We do this also with our son. He's allowed to bring toys out of his room to play with in the living room or family room, but when he's done with it, he needs to put it away before bringing out more toys. We will only tell him twice to come back and pick up his toys. After that, they go into a trash bag and are put into the attic. He can't reach the attic stairs, so as far as he's concerned, they're "gone". He has to work around the house to earn them back. This has not only worked, but in a way, has helped our son to realize what toys he really likes and wants to earn back, and which toys he doens't want anymore. We've delivered lots of great toys to our local Social Services thrift shop this year, and after Hurricane Katrina, he came to me and said, "There's some toys I'm too old to play with anymore. Maybe I can give them away", so we took them to a Red Cross shelter that was down in Atlanta, and they were very thankful for them.

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 9:30pm
Ah, you just described my day! :) speaking of ruined carpets and broken fixtures... i spent the entire day with my new carpet cleaner (on sale at kmart!) sucking up newly discovered dried up orange juice, raisin bits, and random other unidentifiable muck. did i mention my carpets are off-white? the only non-hideous option when my house was built. all of my furniture is OLD, my couch was a throwback from my dad, who bought it when i was 10! I havent had a book, vase, or nick nak below chest level in six years.. but, i dont care! i know that in a few years, my kids will be older, less sticky, and not playing bumper cars with everything in sight. so untill then, on with the slip covers and carpet cleaning!
Jenny, mommy of Ethan 07/08/99 and Brian 10/27/03
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 3:44pm
I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get any better just more expensive! My boys are 14 and 12. I do give them a weekly allowance, but it seems as though we are constantly taking away thier allowance because of stupid things they ruin or lose