How should I go about this..?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 10-22-2005 - 10:19am |
Hi All,
I have been lurking for a while and have gotten quite a few good ideas from this board.
First, I would like to give you a little background on my situation.
I had always been very good about money from a young age. My dad would give me spare change to go get candy or whatnot when I was a kid and I would save so instead of buying something small, I could get a bigger item. I was proud of myself and how well I handled my finances even at a young age. When I was old enough to get a CC, I did so, and was very responsible with it. I paid them off, and didn't use them friviously.
When DH and I married, I was unaware of his situation regarding his CC debt. He was forced to move out when he was 18, and I had no idea he was having trouble making his bills. He was entry level at an engineering company, not making much money, and trying to make it on his own. I helped out occasionally, but had I known how bad it was, I would have helped out more. I didn't really find out until about 6 months after we got married, just how bad it was. The company he worked for was a little on the shady side, and they told him there would be tuition reimbursement and there never was. So tuition went on the CC's. So did everything else, as he finally told me, because he didn't want me to know he was broke.
We got on track a little, and eventually bought a home with some of the money from our wedding. That was when the real estate market was crazy a few years ago and for just a few hundred dollars more than our rent, we could have a house of our own. So we bought. And with that, came all the expense of fixing up the house. And the expense of furnishing Somehow, I got sucked in to this vortex of CC spending, and all of a sudden, the girl who was so fiscally responsible was nowhere to be found. It was so important to me that I set up a nice, beautiful home to impress everyone, I didn't really watch what I was spending. Need a new bedroom set? Charge it! 0% interest for 12 months! No problem! Big screen TV to show off to everyone? Buy it! (That one was purchased cash, but we could have easily survived with the 27" and put the money towards a CC) DH was the same way. As an engineer, he's big in to computers, so of course we had to have new computers(both of us), and as he is an automotive engineer, we had to lease new cars every 2 years too.
When we had our DS, I was sticken with post-partum depression. I got help, but also "self-medicated" by shopping online and in stores. I love to buy clothes for my son (and myself, anyone... I love to shop). It became a real problem. When I started to pack away what he'd outgrown, I was appalled. I could not believe how much stuff I'd bought. It was sickening.
So now, in just 5 short years, we've managed to dig ourselves into a nice hole of CC debt, to the tune of almost thirty thousand dollars. In the back of my mind, I know there are probably some deeper issues as to why DH and I spend money like it's water, but that doesn't help me to make excuses. Now I have to figure out what to do.
We discussed having my father take a loan out for us that we'd direct deposit the payment in to, but my parents are building a home and really can't help out, which I understand. And, it's not really his problem, so I can't expect him to do that.
I am fortunate enough to have a Grandmother who is well off. We won't be able to get a loan to pay off what we need to, so I have been trying to figure out a way to approach her about loaning the money to us, but I don't know where to begin. As my mom is an only child, she's on all the accounts since my Grandfather died, so I know I will hear it from her about how we did this to ourselves and why should my Grandma help us, but I know my Grandma would see it differently. She and my Grandfather never paid with CC's, he wouldn't even let me take out an auto loan for my first car, he bought it cash and I paid HIM back (with interest, too!) I was thinking of asking her for the money and drawing up some kind of contract that we'd all sign (even my Mom) stating that we'd pay x.xx per month for 48 months with an interest rate they deem acceptable. We'd pay it to my Grandmother, and in the event of her passing, we would continue payments to my Mom or the estate (but she is the estate, so it would go to her anyway) until our responsibility is fufilled.
I feel like they will think I am trying to take the easy way out, but no lending institution will give us the amount we need, and when I worked the numbers, it doesn't help us to take what they will give us because we'll be short on the other bills.
If you made it this far, I thank you. It does feel very cathardic to get this off my chest, and if you have any ideas that could help out, I am all ears.
Thanks so much for listening.
Kristin




Hi Kristin! Welcome to the Board! :-D
If you were to stop using your credit cards right now, could you make your minimum payments? Could you afford to maybe make a payment on one of your cards (the one with the higher interest rate) that is a few dollars above the minimum?
If you and your hubby are on the same page with wanting to get out of debt, maybe you could discuss a budget plan together. See what you can cut from your budget, such as either cutting out or reducing your cable TV plan? Getting rid of HDTV or Premium channels? Finding cheaper phone service and cutting back on groceries can sometimes free up some money.
Is there anything you can sell? Maybe go through closets for clothing that isn't being worn anymore and sell it on Ebay? Consign it at a local shop maybe?
Do you have an older car that you can reduce the insurance on? I saved over $75 each month by dropping all but the most minimum coverage on my 1995 car.
Finding little ways to try and cut back on spending will help. Visit the board as often as you can. There's always great tips being offered. :-D
Pat :-D
Well, I would be very uncomfortable with borrowing from family so if I could pay my bills without doing that I would. I was looking at a recent issue of Good Housekeeping (it's out in the recycling bin or I would give the date) and it's first suggestion was trying to get the interest rates lowered by calling and talking with the CC company. That would be a good place to start. Also, just sitting down and laying out your budget would be helpful as well. That way you know if the problem is too many bills or if you can cut areas like groceries/clothing/gifts in order to have enough for the other bills.
Taleyna
We've got 2 new cars, so we have to carry full coverage on them. Luckily, DH's car is at zero percent interest, so that is good. And it will be paid off in 2 more years, which will free up money then.
In the meantime, we've got the basic satellite, I converted our electric and gas to a budget plan. We pay the same amount all year, instead of getting socked with huge bills in the winter. We are on the minimum plan we could get with our cell phones, and we can't get rid of those due to the distance DH has to drive to work; I am not comfortable with him being without a phone out there.
The one big thing we are aware of is the grocery. That's a problem for us. We have a 20 month old, and we shop for him, but for ourselves personally, we eat out all the time. Both of us grab lunch out at work, instead of brown bagging it. We also get take out at least 3 times a week for dinner. Problem is, I know we shouldn't, but when we get the groceries to take lunch to work, DH will stick with it for a few days and then it's back to the old routine. It is frustrating for him, because his co-workers are well off, (well, heck, we'd be too if we didn't have all these bills) so it's not a big deal for them to go out all week, and if he doesn't go, I believe my husband feels left out of the loop. While I understand that, it is just not helpful.
eBay. Aah, sweet eBay. That's partially how I got myself in this mess; well, it has been a big contributor, anyway. I sold a lot of DS's better clothing (that I knew would net good sales) once I did realize how much I had. That did get some money back to me, but instead of funneling it to a bill, I just bought more stuff. Vicious cycle. I told DH just last night that I was going to start going thru stuff I don't need so I can sell it. We've cataloged all our CD's on our computer server, so I really don't need the originals anymore (and let me tell you, CD shopping was another vice of mine... we have well over 700 of them) so that will help. He's on board with trying to start snowflaking so hopefully we can both try a little harder.
We do manage the minimums, but that's just it, and at this rate they'll never go anywhere. It's so frustrating, but little by little, with the good tips I am finding here, I am sure we'll make some headway. I'm just too impatient I guess!
I think the first thing you might want to do is get your spending under control. You said that you sell things on e-bay but you just bought more things with the proceeds. With that history, getting a loan to pay off current debt may be a very bad idea. So many people fall into the refinance your debt, get new debt trap.
I would start by eating out less and looking into the deeper issues. Until you look at the underlying issues, you may not be able to stop spending.
Good luck.
Sandra
Oh I agree. A big part of the problem too is lack of communication. DH knows we pull in good salaries, but since he doesn't pay bills with me, he has no idea what I am paying out, except for the car payments and mortgage. The rest of it, he probably has no clue, and spends like we get to keep all of our net salaries.
We talked last night, and after many tears from me, I told him he needs to help me out. He needs to be more involved in helping me to pay the bills, and in helping me to not add to the problem. Truthfully, it became a game of tit-for-tat; if he was eating out lunch 3 days a week, why shouldn't I? I know that's not the way to go about it, but it's what happened.
Hopefully we can get ourselves organized and communicating better about the finances. It's going to take some work but I know it will be worth it.
That's a great idea about trying to limit the eating out. What works for me is to find recipes for the meals I order out most often. Before trying to get my budget in shape, a friend introduced me to Thai food. Oh my gosh....so yummy!! :-D But it got expensive to do take-out so often to get my fill of it. :-D So I checked at the library for cookbooks, talked to people, and also just read the back of packages at the grocery store, and I learned how to cook it at home! :-D
My husband's weakness is Italian food, and we were always ordering pizzas, calzones, going out to all-you-can-eat Italian buffets, etc. But now we make these foods in bulk (large trays of lasanga, baked ziti, etc), and we have homemade pizzas and calzones! :-D It's really not that hard. The pizza dough recipe came from my basic Betty Crocker cookbook that I've had for 15 years. LOL! :-D Nothing fancy, but we found it was fun to cook together, and when we make a lot of it, we can take it for lunches during the week. :-D
My husband used to feel like he was missing out by not going out with his co-workers after work for dinner and drinks, but I told him to go....and just order a small appetizer portion to nibble on, and ask for water or a soda, rather than a mixed drink, and none of his co-workers have said a word to him. He just says he's not that hungry or that he knows I have a great meal waiting for him at home, so he'll just get something small. :-D
Weekends are great times to prepare large meals that you can eat from during the week. :-D
Even spaghetti is an inexpensive meal that can be prepared in a large amount to be eaten from during the week.
Pat :-D
>Truthfully, it became a game of tit-for-tat;
>if he was eating out lunch 3 days a week, why
>shouldn't I? I know that's not the way to go
>about it, but it's what happened.
I used to do this also when my son was an infant. My husband travels for work, so he got to eat out all the time, and even when he wasn't traveling, he was eating out with the guys from work. So in my mind, I was looking at him leaving the house each day in the "better" car (mine was older since I only had to make short trips), wearing dressy clothes, going to an all-adult office (no Barney music playing in the background ;-)), and after his 'hard day', he got to go out and reward himself with a fancy dinner and drinks and several times a year, they'd also go to the gentlemen's clubs, etc, and he'd be out until 2am and come in the door saying how "worn out" he was from his long day and how he just needed to go bed, and at the same time, there I was....looking like a great big "Mommy Blob", sometimes having the time to shower and do my hair....most of the time not. No make-up, complexion looking terrible, clothes with stains from baby spit-up, the smell of dirty diapers in the air, tripping over toys, staring around the house like I wouldn't know where to begin cleaning even if I had the energy, bills that needed paying when I had no idea where the money would come from, and finally I just snapped! I looked at that credit card in my purse and thought, "Hey! Dominos takes credit! I don't even have to get dressed and go out!", and that began my eating out saga. Dh would call me from a business trip talking about how tired he was from his meetings and how 8 men went out and ran up a $800 dinner tab and how great the food was....and I was looking at having a Lean Cuisine for dinner. So out came the credit card again and a hot meal was delivered to my door in 30 minutes. LOL! :-D I think a lot of my debt on my card was from eating out and delivery orders. But in my mind, I felt like I deserved it. It was a treat for all my hard work with taking care of the house and our son.
But like I said in the earlier post in this thread, making the yummy foods yourself is fun also, and it does save money. And even Dh got on board with ordering less expensive items when he does go out with the guys. :-D
Pat :-D