Please give me some ideas
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Please give me some ideas
| Sun, 10-23-2005 - 11:18am |
I know that I have probably posted all of this before. We have really gotten ourselves in a huge mess. I never ever thought that I would have to file for bankruptcy - but I did - and it just makes me sick. I filed October 3rd. I haven't went to my 341 meeting yet. My problem I'm posting on here is - they wouldn't let my husband file joint with me because he had put up his vehicle title on a loan within the last 90 days and they said the judge would not look favorably on this. His bills (and they are not many) are so far behind and they are threatening us with everything. He owes Discover, Bank of America & Citibank (Citibank was honestly calling 12-15 times a day. I know this is wrong but the last time they called two Saturdays ago I told them he was in jail somewhere in a small town in another state. So that stopped the calling. He has been out of a job 3 times this year for weeks and weeks at a time each time. He was not eligible for unemployment. There was no way we could pay bills on my income. He has went back to work now - just got his first paycheck - but we don't even know where to begin paying even our regular monthly bills - my parents paid the light bill which was 3 months past due: they paid my vehicle insurance, and my daughters car payment. We are scared they are going to repossess my husbands vehicle because we weren't able to make the first two payments and now the 3rd one is about to be due. (The strange thing is the reason he couldn't file was because he could have lost the vehicle and now he is probably going to lose it anyway.) I would give anything if I could go back to that day we signed the papers and file joint - so all these creditors would just stop. I am honestly on the verge of a nervous breakdown and so is my husband. What are some suggestions? This week he worked six days - but when he gets paid this week we don't even know where to begin paying - I owe my parents about a $1000.00 probably more - they have been buying all of our groceries and gas on top of all the other things - but I know they say they don't expect the money back - but still....I know they won't be our first things to pay because now the light bill is due again, they are going to pick my vehicle up because I am giving it up in the bankruptcy. I am worried because I live in a small town and I have had to file on the hospital. I am so scared that they will refuse to treat us now- I know in an emergency they won't but just for lab work and x-rays and all. If they demanded payment up front there is no way in the world I could come up with it. I am also scared because the holidays are coming up and we have always (and I know we shouldn't have) used credit cards now they took all of my cards (even my gas card that I depended so heavily on). It is so hard to even imagine catching up when he was out for about 16 weeeks. I know this is long and rambling...but I am so upset. I know that the 3 credit cards in his name will probably garnish his wages when they find out where he works - which could make him lose his job since he just started...what else can we do? yere is no talking to them - each time you try to they demand payment now even if it is a small one - well we have no money at all..are struggling to make it through the week. My entire check last month went to pay the lawyer for my bankruptcy and now if my husband files he will be under all the new rules and we will have to come up with over a thousand dollars again to pay the lawyer. Pease offer suggestions if you have any. Thanks

You sound so overwhelmed! I've never filed bk, but I've been in a pretty tight spot before with creditors calling and everything behind and threatening to cut off, and it's not a fun feeling. I am so sorry you're going through this.
Do you mind if I ask why you are paying your daughter's car payment (and insurance)? It seems to me that if she is too young to have a job to pay for her car, then she doesn't need a car. And if she's old enough to have a job to pay for her car, then that is what she should be doing. I don't want you to think I am being harsh--I know how hard it is to want to do things for your children, and how crummy it feels not to be able to do them, but right now you need to be able to focus on *your* finances. Once your finances are back in order, you will be better able to help your children.
As for Christmas, boy, that's tough! Especially when you have children--I mean, it's one thing to say to your spouse, let's not exchange presents, and to let your family know that everyone will be getting bean soup mixes (which are cheap to make) for Christmas this year, but another thing entirely to look your sweet children in the eyes and tell them Santa's not coming this year. If you have small children, can you look into programs in your area that provide Christmas gifts to in-need children? You may be surprised at how easy it is to qualify. I know there are tons of programs like that in our area, and it's fairly anonymous--your neighbors need not know you're participating--and your kids won't know the difference. They'll just know that they're having a good Christmas.
Of course, Christmas is so much more than just the gifts, but I definitely know how strong is the pressure to have gifts for children, so this might be a good way to meet that.
Older children (as in, of driving age and above) may be able to understand the situation and perhaps help you come up with new ways and traditions for celebrating the season without the expense and consumerism.
I know it feels scary and awful right now, but please remember that you are not your debt. This is just a thing, just money, and it is not everything that you are. You are who you are, and no amount of money trouble will change that. And the money trouble is a thing that you can get past.
One other thing--don't worry about repaying your parents right now. Remember that as strongly as you feel about taking care of your daughter, that's how they feel about taking care of you. If she were in this situation, would you want her worrying about paying you back? Of course not. Instead, just keep track of it. In five or ten years when you're back on your feet and your debts are taken care of and you're setting money aside reliably, treat your parents to something nice. We plan to take dh's parents (who loaned us money for our wedding ten years ago) to the mountains for Christmas, and then do the same for my parents the next year, whom we also owe money (both sets of parents have refused actual payment).
As for other suggestions, it's hard to say without knowing a bit more, but some of the basic things that a lot of people on this board have done (including us in the early days of our debt repayment), include getting second, third, fourth jobs (waiting tables is good money and usually compatible with a full-time job); selling anything that's not nailed down just to get caught up (ebay, yard sales, posters at the local hang-out are good places to do this); cutting back on everything from groceries to extras (cut out cable, internet--the library usually has free connections for occasional use--we didn't do this because I use the internet for my home business which yields more each month than the connection costs--cell phones, etc.); sell the car (if your dh is going to lose the car anyway, it's better for you to sell it and pay the note than have them repossess it; if they reposses, they are going to sell it probably for less than you could get for it and then charge you for the difference between what they get and what you owe them, plus fees and penalties, and it's a huge black mark on his credit, so if there's any way to sell it first, do it!); move to a cheaper place (if you're in a house, you may want to sell it and move to an apartment for the time being; if you're renting, see if you could save money by moving somewhere else--many apartment complexes pay for water, and utilities are usually cheaper because they're more efficient, so you may save on more than just rent); check into public assistance programs such as food stamps and so on--again, you may be surprised at what you qualify for (again, this is not something we did, but many of my friends have done this from time to time, and really benefited from it, though, at least around here, it's a hassle to do). Also, if you're a member of a church, check into their ministry programs--they may have something designed specifically to help members like you with their bills when they're having trouble. Same thing actually goes for the electric company--they often have a "share the warmth" type program to benefit families in situations like yours. Leave no stone unturned.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope that you will see some light at the end of the tunnel soon. I'll be thinking of you.
Blessings,
Heather
If I were you I would call your attorney and see if you can amend your petition and add your husband. Please call your attorney. That is what they are there for. I filed in 4/2003. We filed Ch 13. It does not make you a bad person. You are not your debt. I wish I could be of more help but I would definately call my attorney if I were you and let them know the situation. Also, what ever you do...pay your basic needs first, home, utilities and groceries. Don't worry about credit cards or anything else like that. Good luck and please let us know how it goes. If you didn't know...there is a bankruptcy board here on ivillage too. It helped me alot when I filed. It's listed under home and food message boards.
Heather