Frustrated & Annoyed!!!!!
Find a Conversation
Frustrated & Annoyed!!!!!
| Sun, 10-23-2005 - 11:23pm |
I really don't know how to approach this without starting an arguement with my not so dh. I stepped up to the plate and i'm taking 100% full responsibility on paying approx. $900 in cc every month along with other houshold expenses. Although, he did use some the cc is besides the point. He is constantly stating, how he doesn't have money yet manages well to eat out everyday, buy beer and cigs and eat breakfast on the weekends. (You would think he would at least bring breakfast home). I'm so fed up lately....he continues to BRAG about what he is able to buy. Yes!!! this is the same dh that claims he has no money. I could care less if got a deal buying rims for his car and saved money. He gets upset with me because I won't buy food (eat out) on the weekends. So he goes and buys himself food and eats it in front of us. My daughters are so hur t by this. When i left to go buy groceries he told my daughter. "looks like moms going to be mad for a long time." My daughter replied, "give her a break she has no money and if she did she would buys us all food." I'm not suprised to his low tactics. I can't afford to eat out every weekend especially
if I have to buy groceries, pay tuition and lunch money for the girls. I don't know how much more I can do this. Right now, I just can't stand the sight of looking at him. Any body have any advice???? Sure would like to hear from you.
if I have to buy groceries, pay tuition and lunch money for the girls. I don't know how much more I can do this. Right now, I just can't stand the sight of looking at him. Any body have any advice???? Sure would like to hear from you.

I have no advice but I feel the same way about my DH. he is such a jerk about it right now. He spends all his money for the week on crap then gets mad at me because I dotn have any left to give him.
I am tempted to let his car run out of gas this week to show him how to budget"Well dear, if you didnt spend 15.00 on beer in three days then you would have plenty of gas money"
I'm going through something similar. My husband has taken up multiple hobbies over the past few weeks. He's taken up painting (with all the costs of the supplies...but yet hasn't touched any of it after the first weekend, so the easel, paints, etc are all just sitting there waiting for him), cooking (he needs the nicest gadgets that he sees on the Food Network, etc), and woodworking (tools, wood, etc). Now, granted, none of these purchases are going on the credit card, so that's a good thing. But then he'll come home from the store and turn to our son and say, "Go back and turn off the bathroom light. We don't want to waste money". And I sit there aghast and think, "Huh?? You just spent all this money and you're worried about a few cents of electricity being used by a single bathroom bulb??" Honestly, he has spent about $500 recently on his hobbies, and when I told him that our trash company wanted to charge us an additional $15 to haul away a non-working lawnmower and some old wood, he said, "Fifteen dollars!?! I could bring it to a small engine shop and give it to them for less!!!" But ya know what? I paid the $15, and it's going to be hauled away this morning. LOL! :-D Because I know who would have had the job of hauling it away to the small engine shop, as well as having the job of even finding a small engine shop in our area.....ME!! So I did it my own way. It just makes me cringe every time he says "....we don't want to waste money!" Just drives me bonkers. LOL! :-D
Although, I think he's getting the clue because when he found out Ds and I were both going to the dentist for our cleanings this week, he said, "I should go too. I've waited too long, and I probably have a lot of work that needs to be done", and I turned to him and said, "Well, you better wait then, until we know we can afford to pay for it. Ds and I can go now because I know we won't have any additional expenses for extra work." And he nodded and said, "Yeah....." and I hope that meant that he understands that if he hadn't bought all this stuff, he'd have the cash-in-hand to go get multiple procedures done if he needed it (filings, maybe a crown or something). It's just a matter of priorities.
I wish I had advice for you, but I really don't. I can just tell you you're not alone. :-D
Pat :-D
I mean when two people LOVE each other, then the goal isn't to see how bad you can make the other one feel.. I mean, bringing breakfast home and eating it in front of you and your kids? that is too mean. We are all only human, but for petes sake, keep the kids out of it. No matter what the issue is that my dh and i are quarreling about, you bring the kids into it, it is OVER. I almost left my husband about a year and a half ago over this. Anyhow, when you say you put $900 towards the credit cards, is that way more than the minimums? Are you stretching yourself too thin? Are YOU going overboard by changing the way you live too drastically to reduce your debt? (Maybe not too drastic for you, but too drastic for the well-being of your family?) It isn't going to help to pay $2500/ month towards them if he is going to sabotage your efforts left and right. I think this is seriously where I would get my name off all the joint bills, hand over the rest, and say "here. deal with it." It sounds like a control issue as much as a money issue. What would happen if he took control for awhile?
Sorry, I don't have any real advice, but i just wanted to tell you to hang your head high and keep going. Good luck.
I don't know all about your situation, but I have to agree with the person who suggested that his behavior isn't about money. Married people know they have a partnership and do not do things that are hurtful to the other. Additionally, he is clearly doing things that are meant to be hurtful to the children. I think you need to look at the bigger issues, maybe through marriage counseling. There may be reasons other than plain selfishness that are causing him to act this way.
This is not an easy thing to suggest. There are lots of husbands on board members who don't "get" the family's financial situation. I had to have a very unpleasant conversation with my husband once when he seemed to think his weekend job was optional. Fortunately it only took one time. I think the issue you are dealing with is deeper than not accepting financial reality, because your husband is being not just passive-aggressive but outright aggressive.
Kelly
HI there - (((hugs))) - your situation sounds difficult to say the least.
I have to agree with other posters here that this sounds like it's not about money at all.
All my best,
Danni
It breaks my heart that I can't give the girls things that they ask for(right now). I think they are only going to resent him more. If he wants to "teach me a lesson" and won't help "clean up my mess(again)" that's fine but I resent the fact that he is putting them in between. I'm so depressed about the holidays, which is another problem because he felt that since I was the buying the gifts, that I was trying to buy their love. I told him he could've gone shopping with me, normally, he would just ask what the girls want and no I don't need to buy their love with gifts. I have been buying gifts for several years and now he decides to throw this at me. He hold no problem buying gifts for his co-workers using the cc. I will get the girls what I can but I will let him handle the shopping this year. I am trying so hard to pay the cc's; I do see progress slowly but damn it so hard hard when I get no positive recognition....only reminders that I created this mess and brought upon myself!!! I would be happy just not hearing him say anything at all.
Thanks, for letting me vent some more....... ;)