Have a few debt problems

Avatar for jennapens
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Have a few debt problems
4
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 8:17am

Good morning. This is my first time posting here. I'm just glad that I found somewhere that I can hopefully get support. I just posted on another message board about my problem, and I got slammed.

Little back ground info. I got married in 2004 to a man who just happened to have bad credit. I knew this going in, so it wasn't a surprise (well, I surprised when I found out about it initially!). We bought a house also last year. Okay, let me rephrase that, I bought a house last year. His credit was too bad to put him on the loan. Both cars are in my name (he is joint on one of them ), and all the credit cards are mine. I'm currently up to my eyeballs in debt. I owe over $20,000 on three or four credit cards alone (mostly from fixing up the house). I can't sleep just thinking about all this. If he would happen to leave me, where would I get the money to pay for all of this? I really hate to say this, but I truly believe that he's taken advantage of the situation. I used to pay for everything, and now he gets mad at me because we can't afford to do the things we used to do before. Unfortunately my husband lost his job a few months ago, and finally got another job, but it doesn't pay as much as the last one. We're living paycheck to paycheck and I hate it. I know that I got myself into this mess, and I have intention of paying all of this back. I don't technically believe in bankruptcy in situations like this. I made the debt, and I'm paying it back. It's probably going to take me 10 years though. Should I consolidate all of this? I was thinking about seeing a credit counselor, but I'm not sure if this is the way to go. I can still pay my minimums, but not much more.

Second problem. - Like I said, the husband has really bad credit. There were some problems in the past. A lot of it was his own fault, but a lot of it was also his ex-wife's, such as opening credit cards in his name. For some reason (and I wasn't around so I don't know if any of this is true), he never persued the issue to have her pay back the debt. Anyways, he has a few charge-offs that are 4 and 5 years old. We're trying to re-establish his credit, so the collection calls are starting again. We got a particularly nasty one last week, and this agency got a hold of my parents phone number and my cell phone number. Honestly, I don't care if they call me, I either hang up or don't answer at all. But my parents don't have caller ID, and this agency keeps calling their house looking for him. He's never lived there or used that phone number. We never applied for anything jointly before we were married and out on our own. This makes me mad. My parents have enough stuff going on in their lives, that they don't need to worry about this also. Is there a way to stop these calls? I love my husband, but I swear I want to strangle him sometimes for putting us in this mess! =)

One last question - Since my husband has these charge-offs, can these collection agencies come after me? I didn't make these debts, and I wasn't even around when they were made. I'm just scared that we're going to have even more debt, and I can't handle what we have now.

Thanks for reading! I know it's really long, but I just don't know what else to do?

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:04am

Welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:14am

Hi Jennapens! I'm afraid I can't answer many of your questions (but I know someone here will!) I just wanted to welcome you and I'm sorry you had a bad experience somewhere else. We are NOT like that here!!! :)

What I can tell you is what worked for my dh and I. Number one was to stop using our credit cards. Tough, but it's impossible to get rid of debt when you're just adding to it--especially with those high interest cards. So I switched all the balances to cards at 0%. I got those offers in the mail all of the time! I would put everything I could on the card with the smallest balance and just pay the minimums on the others. My goal was to not pay any interest so we would have them paid off sooner, so I just kept switching to other 0% cards when one would expire. I sold some things on ebay, had yard sales, bonus money, Christmas money, tax refunds (that's the big help) and I was frugal with grocery shopping. Plus I started waiting tables part time and all of that money went to debt. When one card was paid off, I'd go to another and do the same thing. It took us about 1 1/2 years once we were motivated. I had to sit dh down and show him how much money we would have when it was paid off ~~THAT got his attention!!!

If you can't get 0% offers- try to get the lowest you can by calling the companies. Since some of them are already calling you tell them you have all intentions of paying them and try to make a reasonable payment plan. You can either pay the others off by lowest apr or lowest balance. Whatever motivates you the most to keep going will work the best for you. Believe me, you can do it- don't be discouraged. Everybody has debt and we are not bad people!! Look how much debt the government has!! And big corporations!!!!

Maybe you can have a heart to heart with your dh about getting the debt paid off and make a plan. His credit score will quickly improve once you get "on a roll." If you show him the money you will have after the debt's gone like I did he may get on the same page with you!
A low credit score wouldn't have kept me from marrying my dh either! I think most married gals here would be in money trouble if our dh's up and left us. Do you have reason to think he will or are you just saying that "generally speaking?"

Once again welcome and hugs to you!
Nicki

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:54am

OMG--I could have written your post!

We are in a similar situation, with ex-wife from hell. This may get long, but let me tell you what happened. DH & I are BOTH on marriage #3--this one's a keeper, by the way!

DH left #1 and married #2. After they got married he was in the garage one day and found a box with papers and stuff in it, and he realized that she was going by several diff names and had diff SS #s. He confronted her with it and the next thing he knew box was gone. Time goes by and he figures out that she's cheating on him. He caught them IN THE ACT, and went off on the guy, and it landed my DH in prison for five years. He gets out, is a model citizen, I divorced my H#2, we got together and got married, and have three kids (one mine, two ours, plus 2 grown kids he had with #1). Are you with me so far?? We decided to get married in the summer, and you need to show the date that your last marriage(s) were dissolved, and he never got the divorce papers when he was away (not unusual). So he goes to the courthouse to get the information, and finds out HE'S STILL MARRIED TO HER. She filed for divorce from him twice, but never followed through, so they were actually still married! So we had to pay for THAT, and wait six months!

The first year we were married we file our joint taxes. Never got the refund that we were owed, which was like $3k. THEN we get a certified letter from IRS stating that he owed over $20k in back taxes for THE FIRST YEAR HE WAS IN PRISON. He "went away" very early in the year, and never could have earned enough money to have to owe that much in taxes to begin with. Then we get ANOTHER letter for back taxes for the SECOND year he was in prison. HUH? He was in the state penit. and he owed taxes?? Then we get yet another one for the THIRD year he was in prison. Then we started getting collection agency letters for appliances that he never bought. Like he needed a new washer or whatever she bought when he was in prison.

Obviously, SOMEONE gave out his SSN when he was away. I can't tell you how many letters I have written to these creditors, but I make it tough on them. I ask them for any documents or credit applications showing my husband's signature, and then simply state that for a period of time DH was not in a position to have filled out said applications or purchased said item. We never hear back from them. On top of the IRS problems--they are the nicest people...NOT! They want us to PROVE that he was in prison for five years. To get that documentation will take anywhere from 6 months to a year, so we wait. They were still married all that time, she has a job, and for some reason we do not see any reduction of this "debt" coming from her tax returns, only ours. We will never get a refund, and considering that I gave birth to these kids, it really pi$$es me off. His credit is shot, because on top of all of this, he couldn't pay child support to wife #1 when he was in prison, so that built up into a garnishment of $500 a month.

DH is a hard-working, honest guy, a Vietnam vet, and would give you the shirt off his back if he could. My kids and I are the innocent by-standers, and we're the ones getting screwed.

As far as you being held responsible, according to what I know and have been told, I live in a comm prop state, and since the back taxes OWED were incurred in a previous marriage, if I were to get a job I would be entitled to getting any refund owed to me. I can file innocent or injured spouse, but even IRS tells me one thing and then another, so I still am not clear under which I qualify.

As far as collection agencies calling your parents home, yes they can call to find the person, but that's as far as it can go. You probably should write them a cease-and-desist letter demanding that they stop contacting your parents, and it probably wouldn't hurt your parents to do the same. You can always contact your Atty Gen office and let them know. Once your parents said that your DH does not live there, and they continue to call, seems like harassment in my book, and that's illegal.

Sorry so long, but i wanted to let you know that there is at least one other poster on this board that can relate to your story!

Hugs--

Kathy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 3:09pm

Hello,

I can totally relate to you situation. I too married a man with bad credit. We just got married in February. Everything is in my name. Both cars, credit cards (which are a mess), Our new condo, and the condo I had when I was single. So, I know how you feel.

However, I can't offer any information of the bill collectors calling. But, I too experienced this with my husband (due to his ex wife) as well. However, my husband just declared bankrupcty a few weeks ago.

So, now I know all the pressure will be on me for years. We hopefully, will get rid of my place soon, but it will not resolve our credit card problems, just make things easier. I will probably be in the hole for 10 years or longer.

However, I don't think the creditors can do anything to you.

Please take care.!!!