What would you do?
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| Tue, 11-08-2005 - 7:52pm |
Okay, here's another dilemma for you wise ladies to help with. I've been offered a really awesome, fabulous job with someone I admire and who really respects me (and with whom I have worked freelance for a long time). I originally turned down the job because I am committed to being home with my children. I've turned it down three times now, and he keeps offering! LOL
Well, dh is very unhappy at work. Both of us have been searching and listening for guidance on how to rearrange our lives so that we can both be doing something meaningful with our lives.
So it occurred to us recently that maybe he should quit his job and I should accept this offer.
The benefits would be enormous--the position is with a new (but not start-up) company with immense prospects. It's a whole new concept in PR, with franchises already sold all over the nation and more in the works. My job would start out primarily as a writer, and could evolve into anything I wanted it to be, essentially, though it would always have writing at the core. I would eventually, as a bare minimum, be the head of my own department, with dozens of writers under my guidance, serving PR franchises across the country. The benefit beyond that is that I would have the opportunity to learn global PR skills I need to help effect the changes I'd like to see in the world, plus it would put me in contact with an enormous network of movers and shakers across the nation. I really see it as an amazing, possibly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And I've worked with these folks for close to a year now, and they're just fabulous. I could go on, but it would take me all day.
The downside, primarily, would be financial (at least at first). There is the emotional downside of the fact that I would miss being my childrens's primary caregiver (but then, it would give dh a great opportunity to take that role and bond with them on a whole new level), but that's not what I really want advice on.
Basically, it would be a $10k pay cut (from $50k to $40k). Plus, dh's job comes with built-in bonuses and great benefits. The new job would have more expensive benefits and no 401k. I've run the numbers and this would mean very little to us on a day-to-day basis. However, it would extend our debt repayment time from our current end date of 6/2007 to the almost infinitely far-away date of 6/2012. Yikes!
Now, that's assuming no bonuses and no raises. I happen to know that this company is going to be huge, and I feel the owner is being genuine when he says that the folks who come in on the ground floor with him are going to reap financial as well as career rewards in the next two to three years as it skyrockets. So, probably, we'd end up in better financial condition in a few years than we would otherwise.
BUT, I have had enough bad experiences to know not to count on promises, even from people who have so far proven to be trustworthy and who have a proven track record. For one thing, although I feel confident it will, there is no guarantee the company will in fact grow as it seems it will. So if I take the job, it will be on the assumption that the financial aspect will never change.
It's a pretty big risk. And then there's the fear that if dh has taken time off, he may have a harder time getting back into the workforce, since (sadly) it's not as culturally acceptable for men to take time off from work to be with their kids.
On the other hand, he could be working on personal enrichment in the meantime (though we'd hardly be able to afford schooling for him!), so that he could go back into the workforce in something more fulfilling.
I don't know. So many variables. On the one hand, I really believe, and I've seen it in my talking with business owners (I write articles about successful companies, and thereby meet and speak at length with many business owners), that often business success is tied to seeing the right growth opportunities with the right people, and taking the chance on it. On the other hand, what if it's the wrong choice? What if I hate being away from the kids, and the income never improves, and dh can't get a job because he's been out of the workforce too long, and we're all miserable and in debt into the next decade???
Agghhh!
Thoughts? Suggestions? Cautions? Encouragement?
It's all welcome.
Thanks!!
Heather

Hi Heather,
Its an interesting dilema you have. You sound very excited about the prospect of the new job. I think it could be a sign that you have been offered the job three times and that you and DH both agree that something has to change aobut his situation.
Heres my situation. I don't know if it helps or not:
When my materinity leave was ending, my DH lost his job, which financially was terrible, but he was allergice to the chemicals they used and was miserable all the time - so it retrospect - it was a good thing. At first we were panicking because we thought we need his income. But about a week after I went back to work, my boss left and I was offered his position. This gave DH time with our DD and time to find something he wanted to do. DH still stays at home with our DD. You know, some people give him funny looks but most think its great that he is involved with our child. And honestly, I wouldn't trade that for anything. DH started his own at home based business (sells scented model train smoke fluid) and is very happy.
I do miss things not being at home. But sometimes fate has different things in store for us. DH & I have looked back over our lives and do not regret anything, even the things that at first seemed terrible. We have learned a lot, and I firmly believe that every trial always has something positive, even if it takes awhile to find it. Sometimes you just have to have faith and listen to your heart.
Sandra
I think I would take a deep breath and then go over it one more time with DH about the pros/cons and make sure you both agree to it,
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
Heather-
Congratulations on the job offer. It sounds like you are very excited about a new opportunity in your life. Even though there are some cons, they mostly involve money and the fear of the unknown. If you really think that you would love the opportunity and it wouldn't be an immediate detriment to your family's future, I think you should give it a try. Chances are, in the time that you decide whether it's sink or swim, it will not be too late for DH to re-enter the workforce. Just b/c a man takes time off to be a dad, doesn't necessarily mean he's doomed to working at the golden arches for the rest of his life :). I say you should do what works & what makes you happy- you deserve a chance at making something of yourself. I believe the benefits of your happiness will probably outweigh the risks of prolonging your debt repayment & the fear of DH never working again.
Best of luck. I look forward to hearing what you decide to do.
Wow--what a quandry! I agree with the other posts that this sounds like a wonderful opportunity, and you sound genuinely excited about it, with a bit of hesitation, which I think is normal!
Is there a way you could take the job for a "try out period", of say 90 days? Most employers have a probationary period for new employees anyway, and in that three months it would give you an income, but also give your DH a chance to look for a better job without feeling like he has to hurry before you're down and out if you ultimately decide to stay home. It would also give you a chance to give it the ol' college try, and see how you actually like being back in the working world. When I quit my job to stay home with the kids it was a complete shock to my system! But after a while I adjusted (somewhat!).
It also sounds like it may develop into a job that might allow you to "tele-commute" and stay at home by working over the computer?? I saw this happen to a friend of mine when she went on mat. leave. She was so valuable to the company and they were so desperate to keep her that they let her work from home. She ended up with so much work that she ended up having to ask her sister to be her assistant. And my friend only had to go to the "office" once or twice a week for a few hours. She loved it because she was home with the kids, but still got to work and get out of the house for a few hours a week and play grown-up. I would KILL for a job like that with the cost of daycare in my area!!
I'm sure you'll decide what's right for you, and it sounds like you are truly weighing the pros and cons seriously. Good luck to you!
Kathy
Now if you and your husband feel strong enough to deal with that, and tha job offers both of you the ability to feel better and enjoy your life, than it's worth going for it.
Heather - if he's extended the offer to you 3 times already, I really think that you could get him to go to 50K.
All my best,
Danni
Heather,
I totally agree w/Danni. If this guy really wants you, ask him for the 50-55K. What does your husband think about being a stay at home dad?
From your past posts, sounds like you guys have been in a though position financally in the past. Go w/your faith. Sometimes we have to take chances in life for better things.
Good luck. Sorry if I wasn't much help. (Sinus infection is killing me).
MYM
Well if was me, I'd probably take the job and have dh keep his for 6 months.
Where is the wow icon?? :) :) This is a WOW, what a great response moment. I really appreciate the diversity of views and the terrific ideas, and all the thought and well wishes here. THANK YOU.
I'm going to try to respond to everyone is this post, but I may leave something out. Just know that I have read all the responses, and every one of them has been valuable in provoking thought and ideas as I ponder my options.
I love the suggestions to think creatively about the option--trial periods, part-time options, work from home, etc. So many different ways of looking at this! I also really appreciate the suggestion to step back a bit and examine the company just as if I'd never heard of it before. I tend to get wrapped up in things emotionally, and it really helped me to remember that I need to look at this objectively too. I've been doing some internet research and will do some other sorts of research as well, in response to that suggestion.
Let me add a few more details. Dh is not completely sold on the idea. He has shown interest, but also reluctance. I think he is most concerned about the money, although under that I think he probably harbors a great deal of fear of the unknown, just as I do; and maybe a bit of concern about his image. He isn't a vain man, and not macho, but it's still a big step for a man in our culture to leave the work force and stay home with the kids. BUT, he is open to the idea, and willing to continue discussing it. He's encouraged me to continue to discuss it with my potential employer (I'll call him the PE, lol) as well.
Another thing: we have plenty of time to decide. My PE originally (when he first made the offer a couple months ago) said that their business plan called for the position to be filled in January. Of course (as he admits), nothing is predictable in the business world, and things often happen more slowly than expected, and the date has now been pushed back to roughly May. So we are not pressed for time on this.
Thank you, also, for the suggestion to negotiate for more salary. I think I probably will end up negotiating at least a little more than the $40k without too much trouble, and I really appreciate the suggestion to do so. PE has repeatedly, in this and other contexts, expressed his respect and admiration for the quality of my work as well as my professionalism and timeliness. He has been very frank in telling me that he feels strongly I am the right person to take on this role. He has also been frank in telling me that this particular role is a pivotal one in the company--he is a writer himself (plus much more now, of course), and understands the critical role of quality writing in a PR company. So, basically, he has already said, he will do all that is reasonably possible to bring me on board. Though he tempers that with pointing out that he does not wish to pressure me, that he understands I must make the decision that is best for me and my family, and not based on his need or pressure (he's really a very nice guy, and takes good care of his employees, which has been validated in my conversations with one of his employees with whom I've formed a semi-professional semi-personal relationship). But, ultimately, if there is any way he can make it possible for me to join the company, he'll do it. So, I'm certain that all the terms are negotiable to a certain extent; but he's also a savvy businessman, and he won't jeopardize his company's financial stability by overextending his budget or making work conditions so flexible that nothing gets done. So I'm sure there are limits as well, though I'm not sure where those limits are.
I have thought of arranging something of a partial work-from-home, and he has expressed some openness to the possibility. Again, there are business realities to deal with--especially if I plan to eventually manage an entire department, I'm going to have to learn the ropes in a very hands-on way and then be there physically at least a large portion of the time for management tasks. Also, there's my reality to deal with--which is that I can't concentrate very well with little ones crawling in my lap, and I don't feel like it's very quality time anyway, for me to be typing away on the computer or talking on the phone while the kids watch movies. So, while I can envision an arrangement where I work from home maybe half-time at first, working up to being in the office maybe 80% of the time (maybe work-from-home-Fridays), I don't see it being a totally work-from-home arrangement.
One thing that has occurred to me in talking about all this, and reading all your responses, is that whatever agreement we come to, I should be sure to get it all in writing. That has been one of the impediments, in my opinion, to my husband's advancement--accepting promises that never materialize. I should probably insist on some sort of written agreement about future compensation, etc.
As for benefits, they have an excellent medical/dental/vision plan with BC/BS, but it's very expensive compared to dh's current plan. Of course, dh's company has top-of-the-line benefits--it's one of the perks of working for a company whose business is human resources. But at least we wouldn't be without medical coverage.
I also appreciate the compliment, Danni, saying that I'm worth more than $40k. :) The bottom line is, though, that I have been formally out of the workforce for nearly five years, and before that I was a temp worker in an admin assistant function. Yeah, I've been doing some freelance work, but the writing profession has never been known for its lucrative business application. Honestly, it's pretty stunning to be offered such a salary. Let alone to feel like I'm in any position to negotiate. But, for the health of my family, negotiate I will. :)
There are a few other points I have to discuss with PE. For instance, while I am assuming that I would no longer be able to do my freelance copywriting (I would basically be in competition with my own company if I did that), I do expect to be able to continue to write for magazines, and I need to make sure we're on the same page with that.
Which leads to another financial downside to all this: with the loss of freelance copywriting income, we would no longer be able to snowflake as vigorously, and we'd be in a world of hurt should we have any major expenses--like the AC we had to replace last summer. Basically, my freelance income has provided us some really nice cushion for things like this, plus Christmas money, et al. There would still be a small trickle from my magazine writing, but it's the business copywriting that has always paid best.
Also, dh's bonuses mean his gross income comes to about $53k, and my new job would not have built-in bonuses.
Another thing I have to keep in mind is a psychological factor of my own: I am extremely susceptible to other peoples's need. I'm also susceptible to flattery--I love to be told how great I am! LOLOL So it's hard for me to step back and look objectively at this whole thing and not just get sucked into PE's enthusiasm and compliments.
Oh, another thing--the "chain of command" at the company would be somewhat complicated for me. Technically, the person I've been referring to as my "PE" is the owner of the Charlotte franchises of the company. His wife actually owns the franchisor (the parent company), and is head of "design central" which is where I would work. So, technically, I would "report" to his wife (whom I also really like and who also loves my work, but with whom I've had less personal interaction). But, she is by trade a designer and he is by trade a writer, so in day-to-day functioning, I would probably still interact more with him than with her. And when I asked him point-blank whom I would report to, he basically reiterated what I've just said but refused to call it "reporting to" anybody. He said that what he hoped for and expected of people is that they find their place in the company with guidance, and then take responsibility for their role and make it work. He doesn't like to talk about "reporting to" anyone. They are not micromanagers, I think is how he put it.
Okay, I think that's everything I wanted to say. I'm sorry if I haven't addressed everything. I may come back to it (I'm sure I'll re-read the responses several more times, anyway) later. I need to go make dinner now! LOL
Blessings and thanks,
Heather
P.S. I remember something else I was going to address! About both working for six months or so. Honestly, I don't think I could do it for six months--I know many children thrive in daycare or alternative care settings, but it's just not the way we've operated, and I don't think I could do it. The children *do* go to a babysitter's regularly, and they have developed a bond with her that is strong and a beautiful thing to see. I actually may consider doing a shorter term thing, like a month or two, if that particular person were willing to work with us so they could be where they trust her and where I trust her, etc. My youngest will be two in Feb, and the oldest will be five in Jan. He is not in a kindergarten or preschool--to show you how alternative we are, lol, we homeschool/unschool. So going off to school is really not even on our radar screens at the moment. Anyway, the point is, I really appreciate that suggestion, and it does open up for me the thought of maybe doing it for a month or two--it would be great to have an opportunity to get my feet wet and see if I'd want to do it for longer. And a month wouldn't be too bad for the kids... And then we could decide which path to follow. Frankly, a single month's income set aside toward debt would probably wipe out about half our remaining debt (by that time--not our remaining debt at this point), significantly shortening our pay-off time. Hm. I guess two month's income would probably wipe out nearly all of it--it's a worthy thought, and I shall consider it. Thanks!!!