trying to help dbf

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
trying to help dbf
2
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 1:48pm

This is a sad contrast to my happy post down below, but my poor bf is just drowning. He works two jobs but since his first job pays sporadically (whenever his boss feels like paying him, really) he accrued late fees and charges on some accounts, which just snowballed to the point where things are out of control. The creditors are calling us all the time. At this point I'm glad we are not married because when they ask to talk to his wife I can just say "he's not married" and they leave me alone. I do everything I can to help him out but I don't want my credit marred by these problems either, my credit is not wonderful, I have lots of debts so that brings it down but I have never once had a late payment and I am proud of that. So anyway, dbf's other job is working in real estate, and he just received a 500 dollar comission check...sounds nice, but just a drop in the bucket compared to what the creditors want. Anyway, he had expected to have a closing before the end of October, it was all set up, but at the last minute it was postponed. He had set up an electronic debit from his bank account though the collection agency who said they wanted 500 dollars before the end of the month. This payment arrangement was not something he could change, and the electronic check bounced. They are really angry...called him saying they were turning his name into the police, etc. I don't know if they can do that or not but either way it is scary. He finally now got his check for 500 but the banks are closed for the holiday, and his checking account is in the negative so even if he deposited the money it would be less than 500 dollars positive in his account. So basically I have to cash and deposit the check into my account and let them take the payment from my account in order to help him. I understand this is the best way, but I'm afraid that since they got payment from my account once that they will start bugging me again if he cant make the next payment. He is trying sooo hard to help himself but everything is snowballing. By sending this payment, he can't make his car payment, which is already behind. So I guess there goes my savings. I understand he's doing the best he can but I can't help but be resentful sometimes too. I take the stance that "it's not my money, it's our money" because we've been together a long time and plan on marriage, and whenever it would be helpful to him I give him what I have, but it's just been going on so long, and I'm tired. tired of working two jobs to not get us ahead at all, tired of him being cranky and tired and stress from working two jobs and still having the collectors calling, tired of never seeing him...

All this and we are only 22 years old. Great, right? I sometimes wonder why we went to college in the first place...it just added another 80K to our debt load as a couple, and I don't even have a full time job in my field and he never finished in favor of going into real estate instead!

                          

             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:44pm

I know he's your boyfriend, but his debt is not your responsibility--you have your own bills to pay, right? You said in your post that the money was going to come out of your account...I hope that means that you will be giving the creditor a money order! Trust me, the last thing you want to do is give someone your bank account information for a payment that isn't yours! If you are saying that you are glad that you're not married, please follow through with the thought!!

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as harsh--I am not trying to do that in the least, and I apologize. But, I've been married three times, and I am pushing 40...I've seen it all, and have learned so many lessons the hard way. You are not his wife, you are not responsible for his debts, HE IS. You can be emotionally supportive, but when it comes to money and non-married partners, it sets a really bad precedent...maybe suggest that he gets a job with someone that won't pay him sporadically! If he can learn to be responsible now it will benefit him in the future!! Trust me!

Best wishes to you!!

Kathy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 5:00pm

I have to agree with you.

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