Do you buy for relatives you never see?
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| Fri, 11-18-2005 - 1:55pm |
I'm stressing big time over xmas already. We are on a very tight budget this year and really want to just focus on our kids. We have a $100 budget for each other and we are really trying to keep family gifts at $20 or less a piece. I have a very large family but don't even see most of these people. They don't buy us gifts but yet my parents expect us to get them gifts because they aren't as financially secure as we are. It's so frustrating. We have to spend our hard earned money on people that have never even said thanks. We don't even see them open the gifts, don't know if they liked it, and don't even see these family members more than once a year.
I have two brothers who have never given me a gift or my kids and my kids are 10 and 8. I have a niece who I've seen maybe 5 times and she's 6 years old. I have three sisters, two of which have kids. I've seen one of the kids once...when she was first born. She's also having her first b-day right at xmas...dec 27th. My youngest son also has a b-day on Jan 2. I'd rather use our money for his occasion. I know that sounds selfish. I'm just stressed with money and don't know how to buy stuff for all these people. Even if I only spend $25 on each person, I'm looking at $275....that's more than I'm spending on my husband...who I see daily...who will really appreciate the gifts...who could really use some new things...ugh. Any advice?

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I can't imagine buying gifts for people I never see. I just buy for the people that I care about and anyone else is just out of luck.
They don't buy us gifts but yet my parents expect us to get them gifts because they aren't as financially secure as we are.
As far as this goes, I know how that can be. It's hard to go against the expectations somtimes. I actually sat down and had a talk with my parents about things like this. I'm not buying things for people that don't say thanks period. And if my parent's have a problem with it they are more than welcome to but said people a gift and put my name on it. If not then, I guess those people won't be getting a gift from me.
Haven't read other posts but can relate. I have a very good friend (25+ years) who is godmother to my oldest. We have actually drifted apart over the last year or so, and she actually sent me an email on my birthday that didn't say Happy Birthday, just explained that she was having problems with her email account (???). We live at opposite ends of the state, and she just had her first baby a few years ago. Until recently, we exchanged gifts every year on Christmas and birthdays.
Because of the circumstances, last year I sent a gift to her son only for Christmas. It was his first, and he's an innocent bystander in this falling-out of sorts. BUT, I didn't spend a ton on it; I went to the local close-out chain and paid less than $10 for it.
My feeling is that sometimes you have to exchange gifts no matter what. DH has six grandkids that we RARELY see, but we are still getting gifts because of the nature of the relationship, though this year we are doing gift cards for McDonalds.
Good luck to you!
Kathy
ONE MORE THING!!
Thought of this after I posted--
Could you do a "group" gift? My mom and dad used to do this. We are on one coast and family is mainly on the other, and they have six kids while my family only had two. So we started buying family gifts to keep the field even. Like a couple of videos and some popcorn, board games and a few bags of snacks and hot chocolate mix. It kept the cost minimal (Toys R Us sells board games for less than $20, and something the whole family can play) and encouraged the family to be together.
Just a thought!
Good luck, heather
All of our family lives in a different state. This year I spent $20 per adult(my sister,brother, sil, sil's husband,hubby's nephew,uncle,stepdad) and $30 for each of our parents(my mom,his mom, his dad). I spent $70 on my grandma because she is getting older and I simply adore her. She needed a comforter set and likes holiday table cloths so I purchased that for her. Anyway,it adds up! I only have one person that does not say thank you and that is my brother. My sister is usually appreciative. It is frustrating when my brother does that. It hurts my feelings because I tend to put a lot of thought into gifts for him. I especially did this year. I'm sure I still won't get a simple thank you or I really like it. :-( Anyway, it made me feel good to pick it out.
Anyway, I do buy for our entire family even though we generally only see them once a year. I just do that because I want to. It gets expensive. I know it is probably over $300 this year and that is not including shipping. I paid $40 to ship their stuff today! Of course, I could just concentrate on my immediate family but it makes me feel good to buy for family members. Today I actually added my uncle to my list and purchased one of those warm flannel shirts with the lining and hood. He does not have very many warm clothes and I know he will really appreciate it. He has respiratory problems and he really needs to dress warm going in and outside all the time. I doubt he ever really has a gift to open but this year he will. I purchased him a jacket for the holidays four years ago and I noticed last Christmas he was still wearing it. It made me feel so good that he appreciated that so much and that he was getting use out of it.
Anyway, I think I'm started to ramble. LOL It is late here. Just follow your heart. If you prefer to spend the money on your immediate family then you should do so and not feel guilty about it. People really need to stop and realize that they are not entitled to anything. They need to appreciate it if someone buys them something because they are not entitled to anything. I know it warms my heart when someone actually thinks enough of me to get me something.
For relatives I never see, I sometimes send a holiday card, but sometimes if funds are very tight and I can't afford the extra cards and stamps, I just send an email or don't do anything at all. There are family members who always send us holiday cards, and then there are others that only send them once I've sent ours out, so it's almost like they feel obligated to send us one. LOL! :-D
Pat :-D
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