Already feeling anxious

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Already feeling anxious
1
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 1:22am

Well on Tuesday we leave for NC to visit with DH's family over the holiday. That is about a 11-12 hour ride in the truck depending on traffic. We also need to swing by appox 3 more hours out of our way to pick up his DS so he can visit with everyone and that way my DH gets to see him. I am figuring approx. $250 for gas in his gas gusseling truck for all the way down there and back. Sigh. Also my step son never has what he needs (ie clothes, shoes, coat..etc) So I end up feeling guilty and go buy him stuff. My DH and I have a huge argument because he does pay his child support every month (it just doesn't go were it needs to.. if you get the picture) and he doesn't want me to buy him anything. I can't help it though I feel so sorry for my step son. He can't help it his mom doesn't spend the money on him.

My DH and I have been talking about reloacating to NC also. That way he can be closer to his son. To tell you the truth it kinda scares me. Right now we do have some debt, but at least we have steady jobs that pay ok. DH's child hood buddy offered him a job at his buisness. He does construction. He told my DH he would pay him what he was making now. I can find an office/admin job pretty easily. It's just the construction job that kinda scares me. I think because it isn't as steady and the pay is not steady either. I am so used to him getting paid every week and I know how much he is going to make. With the construction job though he has the opportunity to make more, which right now he is topped out at his current job and won't make any more unless he goes to another department. I guess I just don't like uncertainty. But I also don't want to look back on my life and say, "Well if I only did that...." At least if we try and fail, I can at least say, "Hey we gave it our best shot."

Oh well, maybe now I have gotten some of this off of my chest I can try to get some sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 7:26am

My Dad worked construction for 45 years until he retired. He was a union plumber. I can tell you that it's very hard work, especially if you are doing outside construction (compared to indoor construction where you have walls already up around you for protection from the elements). In fact, when we were younger, he used to tell us, "You can do anything you want in life....but you cannot work in construction". He knew how hard it was, and he wanted to spare us that. Beyond all the injuries and times when he was almost pulled off of high-rise buildings by apprentice workers who would pull crane cables all over the place to hook them to the items needed to be lifted (and in the process entangling my Dad's legs in the cable also), and the time when he came home covered in blood saying that a wall had fallen down on his apprentice, and he had to help hold his head together on the way to the hospital, there's the issue of pay. My Dad received a very good salary. He was getting paid in the upper 50k range, and our needs were always met. However, it took some planning on my Mom's side (she handled the bills). See, when the winter weather came, the job sites shut down. If it rained, all the workmen were sent home. If it snowed, they were sent home. If it was too windy in the Fall or Spring, they were sent home. A day without work was a day without pay. They punched a clock, so if they got sent home, they lost money. They also did not have sick leave. So if my Dad was too sick to go to work, he didn't get paid. I remember times when big bills were about to come in (Christmas, orthodontics, etc), and my Dad would force himself to get up and go to work with pneumonia or the flu to be able to bring home a full paycheck for our family. As a child, I wished so hard that he didn't have to do that. I would say to him, "Dad, you're sick. You should go back to bed", and he'd smile bravely, as best he could, and say, "No, No, I'll be alright. You run along."

To this day, I admire anyone who does construction work. When we had some new homes being built next to our neighborhood this past summer, when it was near 100 degrees and near 100% humidity, my son and I ordered some pizzas and drove over to their construction site with that and a big cooler of water and sodas. The comments I got from the men were mostly suprised ones. When I told them why I was doing it (because I know how hard my Dad had it during the summer), they said they appreciated it and that they felt most people didn't understand just how hard it was on them, and sometimes even their own families didn't understand how hard it was.

Wishing you luck with whatever you and Dh choose to do! Enjoy your trip! :-D

Pat :-D