Not a Good Year for Me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Not a Good Year for Me...
5
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:56pm

Hi to all,

I'm sorry I've been MIA for the last few weeks...

My husband and I are separating and will eventually file for a divorce :(
It's been a very difficult time for us both and we have truly tried every available option for us to help heal the wounds and emotional distance but to no avail.
We respect each other and love one another and are able to openly communicate how we feel but we are not in love and have not been for some time, we are no longer connected at the most intimate and emotional levels that we had once shared.

We are managing to make important decisions in good faith, and are conscious of what we both need to do in order to facilitate this very difficult transition.
We hope to achieve a sense of a "positive" divorce.
We've been married nearly five years and we were a committed couple for five years prior to our wedding. As you can imagine that is a lot of shared history, and a lot will change for us both.

If anyone has any experience going through this or has some gentle advice for me I welcome it.

Our condo we bought in April is now up for sale, so hopefully it will sell for a good price above what we paid.
Also, I was hit by another driver on the way to the airport last week when I was heading out for a business trip! So I'm going to see what the estimate will be for repairs...I'm telling you this year has got to be the most trying year on record...

This also means that the debt we have will be split 50/50 so Becky I'll e-mail you in time for December to adjust my numbers for the snowflaking board.

I know that I am blessed to have a spiritual strength and being surrounded by loving family & friends who are not pushy or anxious to share their opinions; they aren't badmouthing my husband (at least to my face) which is a relief to me.
They are genuinely concerned for my welfare and are looking out for me.

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone here on the board is well.
Kassandra

Kassandra

"It is said that life has its peaks and valleys.  The challenge is to accept them equally and experience them

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 6:34pm

Kassandra - I'm truly sorry you are having to go through this.

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:25am

Kassandra,


I am so sorry to hear this.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 12:04pm

I second the poster's rec for surviving divorce board. Wonderful, smart, kind ladies there...

Good luck.

Next year will be better if we make it so.

I'm already planning 2006 resolutions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 12:28pm

So sorry that you are going through this, but your attitude sounds so positive!

I've been through this (twice--ugh), and its so necessary to have a good support group, and it sounds like you do.

Best of luck to you. The holidays may be rough, and one thing I've learned is to allow yourself the time to grieve for your relationship. If you're angry, be angry. If your sad, be sad. Don't deny what you're feeling or try to put on a strong-front if that's not how you're feeling. In the end, you'll look back and realize strengths that you never knew you had, and feel a sense of accomplishment that you "survived". Try keeping a journal to track your "rollercoaster". It gives you a place to "vent" without having to censor yourself for the sake of others.

My second divorce was the absolute best decision I ever made, and yet I was surrounded by friends and family telling me that XH was a great guy and they wanted him to stick around. My brother continued to keep in touch for quite a while... Truth was, he was incredibly immature, very manipulative, and would kiss my @$$ at the drop of a hat, and because of all that, I was very unhappy, didn't love him anymore, and got to the point where I didn't even want to come home at the end of the day. When I said that I wanted to end the marriage, he cried and begged me not to end it, and I finally said, "Don't you want to be married to someone who wants to come home to you at the end of the day?" His parents were in a loveless marriage, and I guess he figured it was better than being alone. I, on the other hand, learned that I deserved better than that, so I ended it.

Best of luck to you!!

Kathy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:18pm

Thank you ladies for your support!

Some good news to report...we listed the house last Wednesday...and yesterday we received an offer...we counter-offered, they came back with another counter-offer tonight which we accepted!

This is such a huge relief to me...once the buyer's financing from the bank is confirmed I'll breathe easier but they are putting 25% down and they have bought & sold houses in the past...so that is a positive sign :)

So now we'll have until Jan 31st when they will take possession to decide where we'll be going separately...I already have made living & storage arrangements for the next few months to give me the time to think about where I want to go from this point.

Again thanks for your thoughts and I will check out the divorce board that was mentioned.
Kassandra

Kassandra

"It is said that life has its peaks and valleys.  The challenge is to accept them equally and experience them