Praying for strength.
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Praying for strength.
| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 8:52am |
My dad has been having health problems for awhile. I have been trying without luck to get him to move to WI with me, but he won't leave the house my mom and him uilt together. he is 64. Some of you know what i have been going through over the last couple of years. well, anyhow, I went back to visit my Dad in Oct, because i plan to move back home this summer to take care of him. (My youngest won't be getting therapy once she hits the three year mark, which is why we are here in the first place.)
Anyhow, ugh. I filled out the app for VA benefits while I was out there for him and all my brother had to do was copy it and mail it in, but he forgot to mail my dad's dishcarge papers to go with it, so it was basically rejected.
Anyhow, my brother called me Wed and told me my dad can't walk more than five feet wothout being out of breath for an hour. This had been going on for a few day??!!! Anyhow, I told him to take my dad to the hospital, and so he is in there...with congestive heart failure. they think he will be ok. he has not taken his medication or been to the dr since his aortic aneeurysm 2.5 years ago. My brother and sister have the attitude that they can't afford the prescriptions so why take him to the dr. I wonder if there will be a house for me to go to, or if we will move back to Oh to take care of my dad, and he will lose his house a week after we get out there. i got a payment plan set up for his back property taxes, but if he misses a payment, the house goes into foreclosure.
Obviously, his health is most important, but I'll tell you..it sucks to be the responsible one in the family, and to be 500 miles from the problems that need solved. My sister lives an hour away from my dad and sees him less than I do.
Anyhow, I don't know what i am going to do. I don't have money to go back out there right now, and I used up my vacation time already, too. UGH!!! I wonder if we will end up moving sooner....
Anyhow, i just wanted to share with you guys, because you have always been so supportive,a dn I don't have a lot of people I can talk to right now...
Heather
Anyhow, ugh. I filled out the app for VA benefits while I was out there for him and all my brother had to do was copy it and mail it in, but he forgot to mail my dad's dishcarge papers to go with it, so it was basically rejected.
Anyhow, my brother called me Wed and told me my dad can't walk more than five feet wothout being out of breath for an hour. This had been going on for a few day??!!! Anyhow, I told him to take my dad to the hospital, and so he is in there...with congestive heart failure. they think he will be ok. he has not taken his medication or been to the dr since his aortic aneeurysm 2.5 years ago. My brother and sister have the attitude that they can't afford the prescriptions so why take him to the dr. I wonder if there will be a house for me to go to, or if we will move back to Oh to take care of my dad, and he will lose his house a week after we get out there. i got a payment plan set up for his back property taxes, but if he misses a payment, the house goes into foreclosure.
Obviously, his health is most important, but I'll tell you..it sucks to be the responsible one in the family, and to be 500 miles from the problems that need solved. My sister lives an hour away from my dad and sees him less than I do.
Anyhow, I don't know what i am going to do. I don't have money to go back out there right now, and I used up my vacation time already, too. UGH!!! I wonder if we will end up moving sooner....
Anyhow, i just wanted to share with you guys, because you have always been so supportive,a dn I don't have a lot of people I can talk to right now...
Heather

I wanted to offer you great bigs hugs!!! We went through something similar with my Dad a few years ago. Its so tough to see a person you love going downhill. He had terminal cancer, no money, in bankruptcy - but you always want it to work out right.
My FIL has congestive heart failure. Its a build up of fluid and pressure around the lungs. If you take care of yourself it can be managed. But a proper diet and medication are extremely important.
I would suggest that there is always a way to get your Dad the medical care he needs. But it takes a lot of time. You can fight the VA. Get the paperwork to them and pester the heck out of them. Its probably his best chance for decent care.
Second, I know around here (NJ) that drug companies advertise if you can't afford the medication, that they might be able to help. I would ask the hospital for info.
Finally, remember that your Dad is an adult and responsible for his choices. This was hard for me. If Dad doesn't want to move or refuses to change, try not to argue too much. It only makes things more stressful. I know I don't have this pright but: "God give me the strength to change the things I can and to accept the things I can not change."
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
Sandra
Thanks for the ideas and support. i talked to the dr yesterday, and explained that we will be moving back and I want to be kept in the know about anything that is going on, since I will be taking care of him for the long term. Anyhow, she mentioned that they are going to do a psychiatric eval on my Dad because he isn't remembering what he in the hospital for etc (he has undiagnosed dementia). Anyhow, they won't release him to go home unless there is something in place to make sure that he gets the medications that he needs. I'm sure they are worried about who is taking care of him, because his diet has been horrible ( alot of canned soup, etc, that are high in sodium), and well, he just hasn't had basic medical care.
Anyhow, my brother and sister are brainwashed...they think all social workers are horrible, and that they all want to remove my Dad from the home. I explained to my brother that most of them have the ability to help, and that really, they don't get anything out of removing people from their homes, etc. My brother and i are going to handle this. I am glad he called me. We are working together on this now. Looking to our older sister for help is somewhat pointless.
Physically, his condition has improved quite a bit, so that is good.
I feel a bit better. Still stressed, but I know that at least for the time being he is in good hands, in one of the best hospitals in the country. We have time to think about what we are going to do next.
Grateful for that, at least. Heather
Hi Heather,
You sure have your hands full. I'm wondering if your Dad (you, really, I guess) shouldn't check out a "reverse mortgage" -- available to people who own their own homes -- for older people -- the mortgage company pays the owner a payment each month -- I don't think the payment is taxable as income. The heirs have the option of repaying the money if/when the owner dies. They can sell the house and repay the money the mortgage company has paid out. Even if the payments exceed the value of the house, the homeowner has the right to stay there. Only if the owner moves out or dies do payments become due to the mortage company. I've seen a commercial by a company called "Liberty" on TV, but I know that there are other companies too that do this. I've read about this, and it really isn't a scam -- even the Feds have literature about this. Anyway, it might be a way for your Dad to get the $$ for meds etc. Also, before too long he will be eligible for Medicare and there are lots of companies who will cover the drugs with a supplemental drug plan for not very much money.
If you can hang in there until your Dad is eligible for Medicare, medical care will be a little easier. You can get him a supplemental plan/ companion plan for his Medicare also.
Did your Dad apply for any kind of SSI when he had his original heart problem? If not, maybe you should find out about it. I know that if a person gets Social Security disability payments for 2 years, they automatically get Medicare coverage at the end of the 2 years, even if they are not really old enough to get it. You should check with whoever knows what your dad's finances are I guess, in order to know what to do.
I really think tho that the reverse mortgage might be an answer for you/him.
Good luck with all of this.
Megan