emotionally paraylzed from debt

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
emotionally paraylzed from debt
5
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:28pm

Hello to all....I'm new here, so please bear with me. As I'm typing this, tears are streaming down my face. I'm not looking for pity just someone I can talk to.
I have created an enormous amount of debt through my own stupidity. I have enrolled into a debt management program, but that is just for a portion of my debt load. I owe to friends & have been searching high and low for miracles. I am in such distress I can't see anyway out. I feel crippled by all of it. I have missed alot of work due to severe depression (I have never felt depressed until my debt got out of control, was always an out-going happy person, with great optimism). Now I am all tapped out emotionally, so is my husband. He's struggling to pay the rest of our debts.
This time last year, I was shopping for presents, decorating the house, getting ready for the festivities (even though I normally work during the Christmas holidays).
This year I have done NOTHING. I am at a total loss, fiancially & emotionally.

Thanks for listening,

Jay2006

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 5:53pm

Hello Jay - welcome to the board.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:20pm

Danni,

Thankyou for replying with very encouraging words of support. When you asked if I was more out-going & happy when I was spending, I had to think about that one. I do believe in many ways, yes. But, usually my spending was for others....my husband, my two big loyal dogs, my family & also my obsessive passion to assist in animal rescue for either abandoned, neglected or abused animals.
There is NO animal I can refuse to help. In fact, as an example, there was the news about the two cheetah cubs who were tied to a thicket fence, beaten & tortured into submission. It occurred in Gode, Ethiopia. When I saw that photo of the man raising his hand, beating the one frightened cub, while the other cub looked on in fear, I cried. I could not get it out of my head, no matter what I tried to do. I sent inquires to every institution & agency possible, just to find out the fate of these animals. Thanks to the U.S TROOPS, they saved the two cubs & arranged for their future safety.
I know this all seems very off topic in relation to my debt crisis, but in reality, I believe because I have spent so much time, energy & money on helping & assisting with agencies devised to truly save lifes like these cubs, I drained myself & now my husband. I have to learn to handle these sorts of passions differently, I'm far too impatient when it comes to acting in order to save those who can't save themselves.
I never want to use my enthusiasm & goal to save these animals as an "excuse" for why I am debt ridden. If I had my last nickel in my pocket, I know I'd use it to help those who are unable to do it themselves.

I thankyou sincerely for your response & support.

Jay2006

P.S. I truly adore the picture of your dog...is it a boxer???? or ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:21pm

Hello Jay, welcome. I know how you feel - I've most definitely been there. Just over 4 short years ago, on top of student loans I had accumulated a fair chunk of stupidity-related debt myself. Since I only worked part time and had no extra cash, my Visa was my constant companion. Even after I realized I had a compulsive spending problem, I continued to do it anyway. Shopping made me happy - money could be paid back later. And every time I paid a little back, I'd spend it again. My cc was constantly maxed. Then my best friend (who lived across the country) announced she was getting married, and of course I used up the last little bit of space on my cc (again) to buy a plane ticket. It got to the point where I was barely making interest-only payments, and digging myself a very deep hole. Two days before I was to get on that plane, my roommate found me crying on the living room floor because I didn't have money for cab fare to the airport, never mind spending money for the few days I'd be gone. I had less than $2 in my bank account. She lent me $50 so I could at least get myself to the airport. To make matters worse, the night before the wedding, during her own bachelorette party, the bride paid for my dinner.

Since that incredible eye-opener, I've come a long, long way. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, believe me. The key is to accept what is, and then do something about it. To quote one of my favourite authors, "think of the solution, not the problem". You've found a great bunch of people and believe it or not, are already on your way to fixing this!











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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 8:28pm
Hi Jay!
Sorry things are so bad for you right now. I know for me it helps to find something positive.
One thing that might help is to realize that YOU ARE NOT YOUR DEBT and being in debt does not make you a bad person. Did you know that Thomas Jefferson died bankrupt and his estate was sold off to pay his debts? In fact several framers of the Declaration of Independence and Constitution died with tremedous debts. Mary Todd Lincoln was forced to leave the US because she was relentlessly pursued by debt collectors after her husband's assassination.
You may not be buying gifts for people but maybe you could make gifts of time or crafts from things laying around the house. It sounds like you have a tremendously big heart. Give gifts of love rather than money.
I would also recommend finding books by Suze Orman at the library. She is a financial planner who likes to find the emotional reasons we treat money like we do. For me it was a real eye opener.
Good luck,
Sandra
Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 6:56pm

Hi Jay - I know what you mean - I purposefully avoid any and all exposure to things like you describe because it is so upsetting.

All my best,
Danni