Yesterday.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Yesterday.....
3
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:02pm

Hello All! This might be a long message but bear with me. I just want this off my chest...

I have been living with my BF for approx 18 months. He has child support and alimony to pay $2K a month, right now makes $60/an hour, gives me $800 for his part of his rent, hit or miss on helping me with childcare (1 child together),does not help with utilities and bills - granted he has to see kids in FL so he spends another $500-$600 a month for that expense, I on the other hand, make $48 an hour, pay $800 for rent, pay $800 for my son's daycare and $400 for my daughter, pay off most utilities and grocery. I know we both make good money but for some reason it just seems like we are always broke. So we are current on our rent but have not given the $1600 for deposit because I was supposed to take care of this, although he has not given me any money!!! So I am worried sick about that, have given my landlords tons of excuses, have been hospitalized because of stress.

SO yesterday we went to court in DE and after that I said that to him, I feel lucky!! Let's go to Atlantic City and I'll play $50 bucks!! SO I was playing and the lady next to me (who has only been playing 10 minutes or so) hits the jackpot and won $11,195.00 I was so dismayed and left - why do this things happen to other people and not me.

I have always been lucky with finding a good job and a good paying job, when I was with my ex-husband I never had any problems like I do now. My credit is ruined, have bills piling up because my priority is to get the household bills paid first.

I figured even if I pay off bills I should still have $2500.00 extra a month, but it doesn't seem to last. I have cut back on spending for myself, cheap haircuts, less manicure and pedicure, no massages...all just to be with this guy...sometimes I am wondering if it is all worth it...Before we got together friends said that after he pays for child support and alimony that he will be broke.

We can't even afford to buy furniture!!

Sorry I am rambling but as I am writing this,tears are running down my cheek thinking of where I am now compare to where I was 2 years ago!!!

Avatar for aerandel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: kistrinea
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:50pm

It sounds like the two of you need to sit down and start to really keep track of your spending, by keeping track of how much money goes out to which bills and what the "leftover" money is spent on. This means keeping receipts, etc, until you write down how much is being spent. When it is all figured out you need to then figure out ways to cut expenses. It's amazing when you start tracking this stuff how much you realize that we spend money on useless stuff and it gets thrown down the drain! It sounds like you both make good money so there has to be a way to work this all out. You said your rent payment is 1600 a month? Do you rent a home or an apartment, and where do you live? It sounds to me like it must be an expensive area because that seems like a lot to shell out each month for housing, perhaps there is a way to find a cheaper place to live until you get caught up on your bills? I know it seems like things are bad when you look around see that your quality of living has gone down and there is no money left to do those fun things you mentioned, however sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. This is probably a good thing for you two to get your spending in line and get your finances on track. I think if you start to pay attention to how much is spent and where you spend it, and then try to cut back, you will get back into a good financial situation faster than you think.

Good luck and we will be here for support! Perhaps you might want to try snowflaking towards some of the outstanding bills...

                          

             

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: kistrinea
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:03pm

Thank you for the advise! Yes, we live in a high cost of living area but as mentioned in the first message, our pay compensates for that. I guess what I am rambling about is that I feel that I am stuck thinking about all the bills that I am paying while he only shells out for what he thinks is his obligation to himself - his $800 part of the rent.

I have been wanting to put money away for rainy days but can't seem to do that. I figured after taxes, I have a take home pay of roughly $5600.00. If I split everything in 2 (his share and my share) I would have at least close to $3K to put away and pay other bills. But again, something keeps coming up.

I've had unbelievable bad luck this year, and am hoping that 06 will be a better one for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
In reply to: kistrinea
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:26pm

What I am a little confused with is if you both have a child together why does he not feel responsible helping with his child?

I would definitely let your partner know how you feel before resentment builds up. Let him know that you need him to be with you on figuring out where money is being spent. He sounds like on his salary and paying just $2000 in CS he should have quite a lot of income left over.

He needs to get on the same page as you, and realise he has more responsibility to you.