Ack! We WAAYYYY overspent on Xmas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Ack! We WAAYYYY overspent on Xmas
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Wed, 12-28-2005 - 2:59pm

Gee-imini. I just tallied up the total damage. Originally, we budgeted $200 for Christmas. Then, once we had purchased for the various gift exchanges we felt obligated to, we were out of money. So, we took $500 from my freelance income, and decided to spend *that* on our Christmas. We spent it all.

I'm not even sure *what* happened next, except that dh got a Christmas bonus of about $500, and without a computer to keep track on while we were out of town visiting family, and knowing we had that $500 sitting there "just in case," we managed to rack up *another* $500 worth of expenses! Yikes!

I have *never* even *dreamed* of spending that much money at Christmas. And I don't even know where it all went--we bought a karaoke machine, and music, and an extra speaker, lots of gasoline, went out to eat, lots of stocking stuffers and miscellaneous yummy stuff to eat. I also purchased some birthday things for the boys--they have birthdays in February and January, so I do my shopping for them while I'm Christmas shopping. We bought photo prints for extended family, and so on and so forth... But to have racked up a total of nearly $1200 just for Christmas and two birthdays!! Yikes!! And I'm not even *done* with birthday shopping--still have the "big" presents for the boys to go. Maybe they don't need a "big" present at birthday after their extravagant Christmas...

I think I'm going to have to splash cool water on my face to keep from fainting.

I thought I was being SOOOOOOOO good with my frugal but elegant little gift baskets. And having stocked up on goodies for the boys at yard sales. And then I went and blew it all! Sheesh!

Well, at least we had fun. And at least we paid it all in cash.

Anyone else in shock over their Christmas spending?

Heather

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 12:45pm

Heather, I totally agree about DH's money being FAMILY money!

Our situation is a bit complicated...my son is his step-son. And I stay home to raise and homeschool him. DH has a hard time accepting that my son keeps me from getting a job to add to the FAMILY money. Especially since biological father doesn't pay much in child support, and we rarely get it on a regular basis. (Right now for example, we haven't seen a child support check since October, and that wasn't even a full month's amount.)

Anyway, all that being said.....

I tiptoe around the money issue because I DO NOT want to work! I want to homeschool my son, and any children I have with DH (we have been trying to have a baby together for over 2 years now...).

Any advice?

~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 2:31pm

Personally if I were you I'd take the biological father to court and make him pay his child support. I'm not very forgiving though and if he should pay it I would make life very uncomfortable for him until he does. I don't know about your states laws but in many the court is able to garnish his wages if he's not living up to his responsibility. Sorry but your son is his responsibility too. It irriates the living bejesus out of me when father's (or for that matter non-custodial mothers)don't pay their fair share for the good their the child.

Other than that is there anyway you can make a little money from home? I know you don't want to work but if it's a point of contention between you and your husband and is keeping you from getting out of debt sometimes short term sacrafices are necessary to make long term goals come to be. I know my Aunt cleaned people's homes for a few hours a day when my cousin's were small to bring in extra money. Another aunt ran a baby sitting service out of her home. She also did crafts and sold them around the neighborhood. Neither brought in much money but these days every little bit helps. Although the crafts thing brought in decent money during the holidays.

Heck with you homeschooling your child that may be something that other parents in the area are looking for for their own. I don't how old your son is but if you could have other children around his age there it shouldn't take away from his learning either. Or if that's not possible perhaps just watching kids after school is out like a latch key program? Chances are that would only be a few hours that you would have other kids there.

Other than that I don't have any advice, money is a touchy issue. I agree with you though about the staying home and raising your son, I hope to do the same thing when I have children because quite frankly the education system around here sucks and he needs to come first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 3:55pm

No, I have no advice, just hugs. I feel for your situation, and can see how you would want to tread lightly.

That having been said, I do think that you have every right to stay home with your son and any future children you may have. When a man marries a woman (and vice versa), he marries everything about her--most especially, he marries her children (so to speak).

But I can see how it would be a touchy issue on both sides, and it sounds like you're handling it really quite well. I don't think I can add much.

A few things do cross my mind, though, that may or may not be helpful. How old is your son? Is he old enough to help with a home-based business? If not, is there something you could do freelance-wise to make a few extra dollars to "add to the family income"? I bring in a few dollars a month (well, a few hundred, anyway) writing copy (marketing materials, business profiles, that sort of thing). It was easy to get started and now basically runs itself. When I have extra time for marketing and networking, I can raise my income fairly quickly to a couple or three thousand a month. But mostly it hovers around $300-$600 a month, just sort of running on idle, relying on repeat business and established relationships. Anyway, if there were something you could do *together* with your son, or if he's old enough to help with bookkeeping or business plan writing, or whatever, you could work it into your homeschool curriculum.

One other thing, and you may already be doing this. I've noticed that there are two things that make the critical difference, about 80% of the time, between dh coming home happy and dh coming home cranky (and, therefore, the difference between him being cooperative and agreeable in regard to finances and everything else). Those two things are a tidy, quickly vacuumed downstairs; and a hot meal on the stove. If those two things are in place, the dishwasher can be full, the laundry overflowing, the kids screaming bloody murder, I can be cranky, the upstairs bedrooms can be overflowing with junk, and we can be completely out of food except what's for dinner, and he'll still exclaim how much work I must have gotten done and how great it is to come home to a clean house and a hot meal, lol.

And those two things take only about a half hour total to accomplish, right before I expect him home. It's so simple to give the illusion that I've been sweating over the house all day! LOL And the rest of the day I can spend with the kids, or working on crafts or my business or whatever (not that I don't do my share of laundry and errands and general cleaning as well, of course).

Anyway, I guess the reason I mention that is that I was thinking maybe it would help if he had a really strong sense of the benefit *to him* of your staying home. Sure, he knows it's great for the kids, but maybe if there were one or two things that were really important to him that you could provide from your unique position as the stay-at-home spouse, it would help him feel more comfortable with your staying at home.

Maybe you're already doing that, so I apologize if this is all useless for you. I'm just sort of thinking through my fingers at the moment and hoping something might be of use.

At any rate, I'm glad you come here and post. It's great to have a support group. And it sounds like you're handling yourself very well. Keep your chin up. :)

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 9:09pm

I agree with you, Heather. Completely. My Dh works and brings in an income. Oftentimes, that means he has to travel or work late hours at the office. I'm very proud of all that he does for us.

However, while he works these long hours and/or travels, I do everything else. I homeschool our son (teaching from 8am-3pm with a half hour lunch, lesson plans, etc), maintain a network of friends for him (we don't have kids in our neighborhood to play with, so this means a lot of driving so he can play with kids his own age in homeschool park days, etc), karate classes 5-6x evenings a week for my son, for training and tournaments and then doing his at-home training and preparation for these tournaments, not to mention the travel time to and from. Then there's my husband's trip reports that have to be done every weekend (recording for his company what he spent on his trips, entered into his work system, and a report prepared and mailed to his company within two days), all minor automotive repairs (including oil changes), about 3/4 of all appliance repairs we've had done in our home, all home repairs (including some basic plumbing and electrical). I've even had to climb onto my 2nd story roof to do a quick repair until a roofer could come to do the job. Add all that to my normal household work--cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, and I definitely feel like I 'bring something to the table' in our marriage.

All money is ours, and all money mistakes made are unfortunately ours also. Granted, each of us still has our moments where we spend too much or don't make wise purchases, but with teamwork, one day we'll be debt free together. :-D

pat :-D

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:26pm

Ugh. This issue got brought up again today, and I am a miserable mess. :(

Ex DH is only ordered to pay $55/week in child support (and he has had 2 children since then, so I'm sure the amount won't be going up any time soon). We don't get it regularly, be we do get it EVENTUALLY. However DH doesn't feel like $55/wk is much help.

DH told me that if I want to do things for my son (age 5 - almost 6), maybe I should try to find a way to financially help. Okay, sounds reasonable. However... DH leaves for work at 3:00am, and gets home anywhere from 2pm - 6pm. (M-F)

So when am I supposed to work? Doing what? Am I going to have to put my son in daycare?

I am in college full time (almost a junior!!!), so I am making an effort to better myself and be able to get a good job someday. But right now, I have no skills or experience to do much of anything worthwhile.

I told him what happens if I get a full time job making $7/hr? I make $280/week, minus $80 in taxes ($200), minus $100 in daycare ($100), minus $30 for gasoline ($70), and my son is currently on Medicaid, so if I get a job I have to pay for health insurance for him, so minus $30 for health insurance. That leaves a whopping $40/ week for 40 hours of work. And hmm....won't I possibly need some new clothes? Regular hair cuts so I look presentable at work? (Right now I have a mop on my head....hee hee) Is that really worth all the hassle????

He won't let me babysit - in our home or in anyone else's home (had an offer to make $140/wk in someone else's home - No paying taxes, no need for health insurance, no daycare expense, no new clothes or hair cut - but he said that wasn't enough money!).

I take online surveys, and bring in a few bucks a month from that.... and I bust my butt to keep our budget in-line! :(

Anyway.....all that being said, it sounds like no matter what if I don't work SOMEHOW, he will always resent me AND my son. :( I had a part time job at a hardware store for awhile, until he got his current job. I had to be at work at 4pm, and he didn't always get home in time to watch my son - so I actually took my son to work with me a few times!!! How embarrassing! I had to put my notice in, cuz it just wasn't working.

blah

Sorry to rant.
~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 7:41am

Hi Aravis,

Now I'm starting to get annoyed at your dh. I understand the desire he may have for a second income in the family, but when he married you, he knew you had a small child, and he took on that responsibility. If $140/week tax-free, with no need for daycare costs, isn't enough, what is? He says he wants you to make some money but then won't let you take advantage of an offer like that--that's quite unreasonable.

It sounds to me like your dh is yearning for the carefree bachelor lifestyle he lost when he got married. It's not all that uncommon a yearning, but he's a man now, with a family he *chose* for himself.

Are you "allowed" to spend the $55/week on your son (when it comes), since that is what it's for? And what is he going to say when your son is old enough for kindergarten--will he insist that you should put him in school so you can work?

I wish I had good advice for you. I know this is a really tough situation for you. And I'm sure it's a frustrating thing for your dh too. Maybe he's feeling frustrated and a little resentful because he wants a baby with you too, and it's not happening? (And, by the way, I meant in my original response to you to offer my hugs and support on that measure--I'm so sorry you're having to wait so long. That's a big stressor too!) Maybe because of the trouble with conceiving, watching you with your son has become more painful for him, and he's taking it out this way? I'm just thinking aloud here...

I didn't know you were in school--that must be an additional burden with everything else, too. Where does your son go while you're in classes? Does your husband resent your going to classes but not actually "bringing in money"?

I wish I could be more help. Hang in there, and give your son a big hug.

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:30am


Aravis,

Are there any offices on your college campus that are hiring for part-time workers? Student Assistants? The reason I ask is that my Dh and I actually met while we were both student assistant workers at our college. I helped to answer phones between classes (which gave the normal secretary a chance to have a break and do filing and other tasks that she needed to do), and my husband helped out in the computer labs, assisting students who had troubles with the computers (usually hardware problems, but sometimes software). If I had to study at the library between classes to get ready for a test or quiz, I wouldn't work. If I could squeeze in even a half hour of time for helping out, I would. I'd just record it all on a timesheet and hand it in at the end of the week.

This could be a way for you to earn some extra money since you are already there on campus.

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:23pm

Heather, you made me smile!! :-) Yeah, he frustrates me sometimes.

When I get a child support check, it is usually 4-weeks worth, plus a little in back-support (so about $260). I usually spend some on DS (buy him some jeans, pjs, something), but the rest goes to bills. I am pretty much okay with that.

My son IS actually old enough for Kindergarten. He went to a private preschool last year for a few weeks ($81/month), but began misbehaving so we took him out. The private school's tuition for Kindergarten was something like $200/month (?) and we said NO WAY! I am personally against public school, so after a few tearful fights, I began homeschooling. (Which is what we want for OUR children whenever we have any.) I have Offered to put DS in public school for 1st grade to make peace...but I HATE to have to do that!!!

Yes, I am sure some of his frustration has to do with him taking care of MY son, but him not being able to have children with me yet.

And yes, I am in college. Fall Semester I took 2 internet courses and 2 Saturday courses (although I dropped both Saturday classes partway through). DH watched DS while I was at school on Saturdays. Spring Semester I am taking 4 internet classes. That way I don't have to put DS in daycare. I can't do that forever, of course. But right now there are enough classes I need that are offered online.

So, I am in college, homeschool my son, and take care of the house. I'm not the best at cleaning, I admit. But even when I keep the apartment BEAUTIFUL, DH still finds something to be not happy about.

Thanks for the hugs!
~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:26pm

Pat, thank you! I definitely need to look into something! My school even has a regularly updated website of job openings for college students (at the school, and elsewhere in the community).

I haven't checked it in awhile, so I will try that!!!!

~Aravis~

P.S. For those of you following my life... ha ha ...money has been extremely tight the past few months, but after January DH will be bringing home approx. $1,000/month more than our budget. So we will be able to really start plugging away at the debt!!!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 9:47pm

My fiance and I don't charge anything for the holidays, cc are to close to the brink as it is :) Also, his income is unpredictable and in the past has dropped off for a month or so around the holidays. This year we were fortunate that he had lots of good paying work.

I budgeted about $100 of my own paycheck to buy him electric razor he expressed interest in as well as cat toys and a shaving kit gift set for him which I went out and bought one evening on my own without him. I was out buying bras for myself (more about that in a minute). We did the same this year as last but spent more cash somewhere around $500 mainly on the 2 of us. We went shopping together just before Christmas and bought gifts. We spent $330 before coupons at Bed Bath & Beyond getting him a comforter, his quilt has been falling apart for a year, and a esspresso/coffee maker which he didn't need but really wanted, I got a couple of pyrex custard cups and a cutting board I wanted. Best of all everything was at a good price and we used a coupon and got $66 off so it came to around $265. Most of the year I put off new clothes shoes, etc. unless absolutely must have to replace something. For the last month before Christmas it was bras I needed desperately, but made due with 2 I patched up until I had time to shop (this time is wasn't money but shopping time that put needs on hold). Part of our Christmas spending includes new underwear for both of us, $108 in bras for me (buy 2 get 2 free/bought 4 got 4). The only other thing we purchased was $50 grocery store gift card for a widowed friend of ours and $49 of ham dinner I prepared that we ate for a week (I put $1 left over on a lottery ticket that didn't hit a single #). Day after Christmas he gave me $150 to spend however I wanted but suggested clothes for myself. I browsed for clothes I needed and got 2 pair jeans to replace worn out pants. Spent a good part of my money buying craft supplies and post holiday gift set & cards I will turn into gifts this year. All together I think I spent $65 day after Christmas at the sales. I cringe at how quickly we spent this much money, but feel we got good return and best of all won't be paying it off at 22%+ interest.

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