Angry at DH
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Angry at DH
| Sun, 01-01-2006 - 4:09am |
I am sooooo angry at DH. I'm a SAHM and my only outlet when things get overwhelming is reading.DH knows this and although I do go to the local library all the time and it's awful they dont have s***. He never got me a gift for my b-day or the holiday. He got himself some expensive s*** for his expensive cell phone which I NEVER approved of him getting. That S*B cancelled my amazon order for a 20 dollar book. He and I fight constantly about money and he wouldn't even buy me a d*** newspaper when he goes out to get the kids junk food that they dont need. He's also constantly going to blockbuster to rent movies even though we have over 200 channels. I am soooo angry and ive been really staying away from stores and the puter and have been really good lately with the spending. He wants to throw away my things and I want to throw away his. I cant have a discussion/wicked fight about it because he sucks the kids into it so I just shut my mouth but i'm furious beyond belief. Normally I would eat a big bowl of cereal right about now but I just lost 27lbs and dont wanna go back there!!!....Iris

(((Iris))) big cyber hugs coming your way.
All my best,
Danni
I've been through this, actually. It's getting better, but we did have a spot like this. It does boil down to respect, as Danni said. First, my DH forgot me Christmas before last (2004). At the time, I thought I deserved that because I had just outted my hidden debt to him two weeks prior, and although he told me it was ok and we'd work through it together, I figured he still felt burned by what I'd done, and I shrugged it off. I sat there and opened one gift from my parents and then watched he and our son open a mountain of gifts with the biggest smile I could fake. Then, my birthday came around in June, and DH was on a business trip. I thought for sure he'd send flowers or at least call to say "Happy Birthday", but no. In fact, when I spoke to him that day and said, "My parents took me to lunch for my birthday today", he said, "Oh, is it your birthday?". He totally blew it off. I figured once he came home, he'd make up for his forgetfulness and take me out to eat or rent a movie for a "movie night" or something. Nope. He laid on the couch all weekend saying how tired he was from his trip and then left on another one the following Monday. No birthday for me.
What made him come around was Time (time for him to come to grips with the fact he was acting like a jerk), and me finally losing my cool and setting him straight. He called me from a trip saying he'd sent me an important email. I checked for it, and it was a 'birthday reminder', he'd set up with an online florist for his Mother's birthday, and he was asking me to send her flowers because he didn't want to forget her birthday. Grrrr....I refused. I told him that he could get the flowers on his own since he didn't think to get me anything for my birthday....but yet he could set up a birthday 'reminder' for his Mommy's birthday. I told him he needed to make a decision on where his loyalty lies, and I reminded him of a reading from our wedding...."and a man shall leave his Father and Mother and join himself to his wife and they shall become one person". I told him it was clear he had changed his mind on his vows, and I'd make the neccessary phonecalls to let both our families know how "HE" clearly felt about our marriage and why it had to end. Then I hung up and left the phone off the hook. He flew home within three hours to try to make ammends and admit that he'd been rotten to me. Since then, he's really made progress in treating me with respect.
Once in awhile he'll slip. Like the time I told my son he could have a toy from the dollar store as a reward for a ballgame he'd played very well, and my son said, "Do I have to take the dollar out of my money or is it your money?", and I said, "It's from our money", and my husband said, "MY money", and I leaned over to his ear and whispered, "Only after the divorce dear...", and he quickly said, "Oh yeah....it's our money. Sorry".
Not sure I have any advice to help you. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Others on the board have probably had similar problems too. I think your DH just needs to learn to respect you. Normally, I wouldn't promote a 'tit-for-tat' solution, but seeing as he cancelled your $20 book order (showing he doesn't want you to spend any money), and he forgot your birthday, perhaps you could just plan to 'forget' his also? Get him what he got you for your birthday, so to speak. Maybe that would be enough of a wake-up.
Wishing you hugs and hope in getting through this difficult time!
Pat
My DH does the 'during the work day' phonecalls too. He calls my cellphone because I'll have it no matter where I am. I just stopped answering except when I'm actually free and able to talk. He didn't have anything to say--just wanted to know what I was doing. Each time, I'd have to stop teaching my son (we homeschool) to answer a call, just to be questioned about what I was doing. :-/ So now I just don't answer most of the calls, and when I finally do, and he questions why I never answered his earlier attempts, I tell him, "I was busy, Dear. I work too." :-D
Pat :-D