Can you relate to this show?

Avatar for siriele
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Can you relate to this show?
1
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 9:57pm


SARI K. - SHOPAHOLIC

I never had much control over my life. I have a mother that ever since I can remember has tried her hardest to control most aspects of my life. Even at 31 she insists on balancing my checkbook and still calls me to remind me to call my grandmother on her birthday. I found one thing that I thought I could control and that was SHOPPING. Well, I could control when I went shopping and what I bought, but my finances, not so much. I used to shop as a means of therapy. If I was having a bad day, I went shopping. If I was bored, I went shopping. If I needed to get out of the office, I went shopping. I never really thought about how much things cost and if I couldn't afford them, that is what credit was for, right? Now that I look back, I realize that I used shopping to fill a void, to fill something that was missing in my life.

My friends could never figure out why I shopped so much and what I could possibly do with all the clothes I bought. I could never explain the RUSH I got from shopping or how exhilarating it was. I would get up on a Saturday morning with nothing on my schedule so I would go shopping until I could no longer walk. Nothing feels better than slipping into those size 6 jeans or the size 4 dress. I would get this rush of adrenaline and I could not get enough no matter how much I bought. My friends made fun of me because I would buy clothes, for the sake of buying clothes, and they would sit in my closet with the tags on them. It was like a little game to my friends, lets see how many items of clothing still have tags!!! Wow, isn't this fun... not!

My parents were constantly bothering me about my finances. Funny, my mother was always the one to push coupons on me 20% off sale items at Marshall Fields, 20% off all clothing at Lord and Taylor, 15% off at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and the list goes on. My mother didn't realize it but she was encouraging me to shop, which did not help matters one bit.

I always needed something, even if there was nothing I needed. I already had 12 black sweaters but I just needed the ribbed, v-neck, fitted black sweater. My God, no one could tell the difference whether my sweater was ribbed, striped, full sleeve, 3/4 sleeves, cotton, wool, cashmere or if the sweater was black or off black. For some reason, all of these things mattered to me. My problem was, I was looking for a particular sweater and I would find something close and buy it. Thing is, I would still want to buy the sweater I wanted originally. I guess that is why I have 12 black sweaters that are exactly the same.

A wonderful thing happened about 6 months ago and little did I know I was about to begin my path to recovery. I met a man, and it was not until then that I realized my void had been filled. When the relationship began I was still shopping but I would rather spend my time with him than in a store. The rush I got when I was close to him outweighed any sort of rush I got when I was shopping. Of course I still enjoy shopping... what girl doesn't, but I would rather snuggle on the couch with my boyfriend than wait 20 minutes for a dressing room at H&M. I guess in the past the boyfriend was not an option so I defaulted to the line at H&M automatically. Now I have control over my choices and I choose to not only spend my money wiser but also spend my time wiser.

I have realized I don't need to wear a different outfit every time I go out and I don't need to spend all of my time in a department store (gosh, my girls at Nordstrom must really miss me). It is so weird, I walk into a department store now and I don't get that rush and my desire to try on everything in a size 6 and buy everything that fits, is gone. Unfortunately, my shopping addiction has put me in debt for life but I now have the peace of mind that shopping does not buy happiness and purchasing clothes is only a temporary solution to a much bigger problem. For me, I was in control when I shopped, no one could tell me what to buy and what not to buy; I guess that is why I felt so empowered. Now, I see things in perspective, I no longer have that void and am actually happy, I am truly happy and clothes did not get me there. My boyfriend, although he did not realize it at the time, turned me in the opposite direction of the mall and set me on my way to recovery.

I am not saying that if you run out and get a boyfriend your shopping addiction will be cured. I am saying that most people with addictions have those addictions to fill a need that is missing elsewhere. In order to beat the addiction you must figure out your need and attempt to fulfill it. I was lucky. I fulfilled my need accidentally. I will ALWAYS love to shop but I no longer need to act on every desire I get to go shopping.

If my mother would stop giving me coupons I think I will be cured for life!






11:00 PM
Sun, Jan 1 SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: PLASTIC SURGERY ADDICTS

11:00 PM
Sun, Jan 15 SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: FORENSIC INVESTIGATORS

10:00 PM
Tue, Jan 17 SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: WOMEN IN PORN

11:00 PM
Tue, Jan 17 SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: FORENSIC INVESTIGATORS

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Avatar for siriele
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 10:10pm

What if her and her BF break up? Will she go back to her shopping addiction?

Is she scapegoating by blaming her mother for giving her coupons and therefore causing her addiction?

Do you think she told her BF her shopping problem? Why or why not?

Share your opinions. . . . .Iris