I give up!!!!! ( On DH )

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
I give up!!!!! ( On DH )
17
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 11:51am

My husband complains about how he desperately wants to get out of debt... but he does NOTHING to help and EVERYTHING to hinder!

I found a money managing program on our computer, and we have both enjoyed plugging in the numbers. It is nice to see charts and graphs for the month or year ahead!! And he AGREED to the budget I created. However, STICKING TO THE BUDGET is not happening. I budgeted $160/month in leisure/spending money. That is for BOTH OF US to spend. Well, just this weekend alone, he withdrew $200 from the bank!!!!!! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!?!?!!!!!!??!!

And thinks that if he can account for the money, that makes it okay! "Well, we spent $x on dinner Friday, and then I played in a poker tournament Saturday...so that was another $x....." I don't care WHERE it went, I care THAT it went!!!!

I give up! I completely and utterly GIVE UP! I am going to keep my mouth shut and let him blow whatever money he wants. I will do my best to keep the money going in the right direction without his help.

Shoot, he even said something last night about buying a motorcycle this summer - to the tune of $10,000!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!!! Where on earth does he think we are going to come up with that kind of money? And his credit is AWFUL, so we would never qualify for a loan, and he knows that.......

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Thanks for listening! hee hee)
~Aravis~
SAH/Homeschooling Mom

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:08pm

I have one of those too. We have about $26,000 in credit card debt alone. He won't stop using them, yet he gets mad when we don't have any money. There was one card we used for gas only(he drives quite a bit for his job)we were paying it off every month. Won't be able to this month, he keeps using it.

We barely have enough to buy groceries after paying bills.

Don't know what it will take for them to get it.

Good luck.

Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 2:28pm

I'm so sorry! I'm married to one of those too! He sees his paycheck and how much it is but can't see where the money HAS to go. He gets an allowance but he always goes over he feels bad till he sees something else he wants. It's hard, I know but hopefully you can still make progress.

Good Luck,
Cristin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 8:57pm

Oh my goodness, thank you thank you thank you! I had NO IDEA that some of you were in the same situation!

I mean, I know that we all are different from our spouses, so it is hard to be in 100% agreement about finances.... but being so clueless like my husband??? lol Thanks!

I honestly feel a ton better just knowing that!

Besides talking about the motorcycle last night, he also said something about a portable DVD player, which he actually could use for college... I said, "ok" and he wanted to go RIGHT THEN and buy one!! Well, I reminded him that his paycheck Friday was just over $400, and he withdrew $200 from the ATM already.... Fortunately that worked.

I am sure I can plug away at the debt fairly well even if he blows a lot of money. That just seems DUMB to me. We could be out of debt THAT MUCH FASTER if we stuck to a darn budget.....

Anyway, I truly appreciate you sharing with me!!!!

~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 10:24pm
Hi,
I totally understand where you are --pretty frustrating. I wonder if it would help if you had separate accounts -- you have the bulk of it to pay bills, and he gets whatever you decide is possible for his allowance. He is clearly more than willing to go over whatever is decided, so maybe you should pay the bills a little ahead and then he can't have access to the money. I have the same problem -- his money is his, an my money is supposed to pay the bills arghh.
Megan
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 11:50pm

As I don't work outside the home, his money is all that there is. I definitely am thinking about the idea of paying HAVE TO's ahead, so that there is less money available for him to blow.

Especially with the CC debt. I think if we pay about $850/month on CC debt, we can have it all paid off by the end of the year. So, if I just start paying that much on the CC bills....he won't have the money to blow! And if he STILL spends too much, I will just have to cut back in other areas - which he will notice!

Like I said, I give up on him. No use nagging him to death....he's not getting it. I am just going to do MY BEST and hope that works. :)

~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:43am

I'd lay the law down and GOOD.

This guy needs to be read the riot act and you need to stick to your guns on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 11:39am

If you have comfortably budgeted $850 for cc payoff, you're off to a great start. Could you try & make cc payments more than once a month? It would help pay down the debt faster, plus that extra money wouldn't "seem" available to him if it were already gone. The problem I see is that he's a "spender" and even after you get this debt paid down, he's very likely going to incur more. You're doing a great job trying to curb his habit- good luck!!!

I haven't read it myself yet, but I hear that Mary Hunt's book "Debt Proof Your Marriage" is REALLY good for situations such as yours. You might check that out and see if there are any ideas on how to manage your debt relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:19pm

I will look into that book, thank you for suggesting it.

And also, I am glad you pointed out "what happens after the debt is paid off..." I never thought of that!

Well, I will cut up the credit cards and refuse to let him have access to them! That won't be a problem, I'm sure. Then I'll just do my best to sock money away for savings and retirement.... ha ha

I wouldn't mind his spending habits hardly at all, IF he didn't complain about the debt at the same time! And I DO NOT want to work, as I am in college full time and homeschool my almost 6 year old son, and am HOPING to have more children soon. So, one day he will go spend a ton of money, then the next day he is complaining about the debt and how maybe I should get a part time job....

Um, no. ha ha

Thanks again, I am going to see if that book is available through my library right now!
~Aravis~
(Feeling sooo much better now that I have vented a bit!)

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 4:23pm

I'm soooo glad your feeling better. Husbands can be so frustrating! :P

We are only on 1 income too so we don't keep seperate accounts. One thing I do is, the day he gets paid, I pay all the bills, do all the grocery shopping, pay for the things I need too, pull out money that I know we need, that way he can't OVER spend because of the amount left in our account. If there's any money left by the next pay check then I use it to pay towards debt. Just and idea. :)

Cristin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 4:19am

He went into it again last night. How he can't do college while he is working at his current job. So he is thiking about dropping out.

I tried to tell him that he CAN do school. :) But he just went on about how he wants to quit his job. I told him we HAVE to get the money situation under control and then work on the job situation. He got upset at me for going on about money all the time!!!

I told him that he cannot live a higher lifestyle than he is willing to work for. If he ever wants to quit his job to focus on college, than he HAS to cut back his spending habits so we can get our debt down and other things taken care of.

I got no response, we both went to sleep. :( Ladies, I am truly feeling that I am at a dead-end with this man!!! Tuesday night he went to get his haircut ($15, no biggy). But while he was waiting his turn, he went next door to the video game place and spent $76 there. We can AFFORD it, but we can't work on the debt while AFFORDING ourselves such expensive "extras". HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT!!!!

::cry::

~Aravis~
Thanks again for listening.

 

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